Anyone who knows me in real life would probably say I am not a bubbly and sparkly cheerleader type. I am pretty down to earth, practical and level headed. At least most of the time.
Yet, I find myself becoming a bit of cheerleader these days.
When someone in the infertility blogging community announces a pregnancy, I find myself cheering them on. Rather than closing my WordPress reader, I find myself hoping for them and caring for their little baby.
I’ve realized there are a few reasons why I’m always cheering on any infertile person who has entered the ranks of being an expecting parent.
First, for some reason I feel like anyone who has struggled to get pregnant or maintain a pregnancy deserves to have extra love, excitement and happiness. I find that the most someone else has struggled, the more I am genuinely happy for them and the less I have twinges of envy.
Also, I choose to cheer on any expecting infertile in part because I know first-hand that things go wrong, and when they unfortunately do, I want to be able to offer my love and support. I hate that I can read posts about betas/fetal heart rates and guess with pretty decent accuracy if people are going to miscarry – I know the stats because I’ve fallen on the bad side of them each and every time. I figure, while it may be hard for me at times to cheer someone on during the early stages of their pregnancy, if it goes wrong for them they will likely need more support and I want to be there to offer support.
Third, a few months ago, a blogger reached out to me after she announced she was pregnant and I left a short congratulatory comment on her blog. What she said really stuck with me – evidently my comment of encouragement meant a lot to her. To know that with everything I’ve been through that I took the time to support her, was very special to her. And in the end she lost the baby, and turned to me again for advice. I guess, knowing how much my simple congratulation note meant to her, gives me motivation to keep doing it.
And, most importantly, somewhere along this road, I’ve decided that my hurt is never going to go away. As we move to adoption there will always be things I long for, but will never be part of my life. Simple things like a healthy ultrasound, actually having a NT scan, feeling the first kicks, or giving birth. On bad days, I might not read word for word the detailed updates, but yet I know that I cannot shut myself off either. I have loved many of the women who have recently given birth, are now expecting or hopefully will be one day in the future, and I’m not going to stop loving and caring for them just because my body will not do what theirs is. So, rather than shut myself off from those who are living the dream, I want to encourage my true friends, just as they have me. Being a voice of support is more important to me, then wallowing in my hurt. I assume that these pangs of self-pity will be with me for the rest of my life, and I’m hoping with time they will reduce in their strength as we get further and further into our adoption, because while I will miss some of the aforementioned things, there are still many others (like loving and parenting a wonderful little child) that I will get to have soon enough. So, for now, I am going to focus on being a good friend and supporting those through their exciting times just as I did through their bad times.
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