Every now and again something happens. Something very small, or maybe something very big. It all depends on the day, the circumstance and my internalization of the actual moment in time.
All these somethings have one thing in common – I am left reminded of all my failures.
Failure at being a good enough wife.
Failure at being a good enough mother.
Failure at being a good enough friend.
Failure at being a capable reproducing women.
Failure at working enough and contributing financially to our lives.
Failure at figuring out what I am going to do with my professional career.
Plain and simply, there are days where I feel like a complete failure. These are the days when all I can think of are the things that I am not doing very well. All the things I once did well (or very well for that matter), or the things I was naive enough to think I could do easily enough. All the successes that now feel so far away.
When these feelings arise, most days I can push them aside and focus on some good things and hope for a better tomorrow.
But then there are days like today where I feel like I cannot get anything right.
I am not going to sit here right now and try to turn this into a happy moment or a lesson in perseverance to see a better tomorrow. Instead, I am going to sit in the emotions and throw myself a pity-party.
I’m hoping a good night’s sleep will help, and tomorrow I will wake up feeling a better and a bit more like my more cheerful self. I plan to re-read this post first thing in the morning to give myself a boost in that direction.
P.S. my current emotional state has nothing to do with my in-laws, they actually took the news very well. I’ll post more on that in a few days when I have time to write.
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