Rambling Thoughts

Today is an interesting day. I have lots in my mind, but for one of the first times ever, I’m just not sure how to get any of it out. And, I’m not sure that I will even be able to finish a post before I go to bed tonight, or even before 7am on Friday when I typically post.

So bare with me, this might just turn into a giant rambling rant, but I’m just going to go with it as I write through everything that is on my mind.

My career crisis is still top of mind for me. I am really at a loss for what to do, and I’m really struggling with being so lost. It’s just not a scenario I’m used to. While doing contract work from home has some perks, it also has a pretty big drawback – I don’t have much of it. Ideally I’d like to find a way to be confident that I could be working a solid 1 or 2 days a week, instead of my current situation where I have no idea if I’ll be working at all on any given week. And, when I do look for professional part-time work, it’s impossible to find, at least from a standard job ad perspective. If I want a part time job at Starbucks, or as a trucker, I can find that work very easily, but I know that’s not the type of work I’m looking for. So, what am I going to do? I have no freaking idea – hence the stress!

I’ve been trying for a few weeks to write a post about a thankful list – I’ve read a few others on other peoples blogs, and each time I try to write I get stuck on the fact that I am so unbelievably thankful for all of you, in the blogging community.  The last few months have been particularly hard for us as we’ve closed one door and are opening another.  It’s not that I’m not thankful for a number of other things, but right now, its the support that we’ve received through my blog that has meant so much to us.  I’m so unbelievably thankful for all the support we have received 20141121 - Rambling Thoughts2from each one of you.  Quite literally, as I was writing this paragraph, I got the nicest picture about adoption from another blogger – it is simple, kind thoughts like this that just make my heart melt.  It’s not enough, but all I can say from the bottom of my heart is thank you to every single person who has supported us through everything, through comments, emails or silently.  Please know that I am honoured to have you all in my life.

On the adoption front, we’ve been busy this week. We’ve talked to our three references who were all super excited for us and honoured to be a reference. We’ve told a few more friends and a few family members. We’ve submitted the reference paper work to our local agency who will be doing the front end home study work with us. We paid our official application fee with the local agency. We have spoken to multiple agencies in the USA, and as of this moment we are 98% convinced that we will be going with an agency in California.

We’ve noticed an interesting trend that most people are asking what race of child we will adopt. We haven’t made our minds up on this one, and are really looking forward to working with our agency on the home study to help determine exactly what we will choose.  (I still find this odd, but it is a choice we have to make so we will).

We’ve also noticed that people are shocked that we’ve chosen to go to the USA. We were told to expect this, as most people assume an international adoption will be from countries such as Russia, China, Ethiopia, etc. And, just like us, most Canadians don’t realize the USA is even a viable option. If we are comfortable, and we have been so far, we simply explain some of the reasons why we’ve chosen the USA and so far everyone has been very supportive of our decision.

As for all our Recurrent Pregnancy Loss stuff, we are pretty much done with trying again. This is probably pretty clear given my posts lately on the subject – as from a psychological perspective I know I cannot try again given our prognosis. But, and yes, there is a but. We are really frustrated with Dr. Braverman and his staff. We should have had our results a week ago, and we have heard nothing. I’m pretty sure I paid Dr. Braverman for a response and a protocol design to be done in a timely manner. Honestly, I would respect and be happy with having an honest response of just being told that they cannot get our results to us in the estimated timeline for whatever reason, instead they have been giving us the runaround. When I’ve asked for an update, I’ve been told 6 weeks usually and you’ll get them when you get them.

This type of disrespectful response is what I have come to expect from my Canadian doctors, but I am not okay with getting it from a doctor that I have paid a sizable amount of our hard earned cash to! And since he missed his promised time frame, we ended up having to cancel our appointment with our local RE because there was no point on going to him without knowing what type of treatment options we wanted to discuss regarding what he would or would not make available locally (remember, our expectations are really low, but we wanted to confirm).  And to make matters worse, they’ve even been incredibly unresponsive to my simple request for a formal receipt for our appointment! I need it for tax purposes, and while it’s not yet an urgent matter as tax season is still months away, it really shouldn’t be that hard to get me a receipt! So, all I can say right now, is that we are pretty frustrated with Dr. Braverman and his staff.

And, I have finally figured out one of the things that has thrown me off balance this week – we haven’t been cooking much. We’ve been so busy spending our evenings butchering and processing the 2 deers that Mr. MBP and his friends got, that we haven’t had time to actually cook meals. I have a horrible habit of eating quick meals (aka poorly) when Mr. MPB isn’t around (i.e. Kraft Dinner, cereal for supper, etc.) and then we’ve been ordering delivery the other nights. Our bodies are not used to process food, and I think we are both feeling it now. I finally got my act together and made venison chili, and we’ve really enjoyed it since it was pretty awesome. I think I need to get back to making an effort to cook fresh meals.

20141121 - Rambling Thoughts

Oh, and I cannot forget to mention our dog.  She’s been on my mind a lot this week as she’s been off which clearly stresses me out. She didn’t eat for an entire day, and when she started eating again she would only do it if I am in the room and watching. She won’t even keep eating if I start doing something in the same room, I literally have to watch her eat. So, needless to say this is very peculiar. She’s 80+ pound dog, who loves food. Mr. MPB thinks that she might be boycotting her food as she’s been used to getting deer meat treats the last few week and now we are out.  Needless to say, I’m just confused, and am trying to convince myself that as long as she will eat and drink then she’s okay, even if annoyingly fussy.

Clearly, as this post exemplifies, I’m feeling a bit out of sorts and my mind if running with a million different thoughts. So, hopefully I can find some calm and peace this weekend and put my mind to rest even if just for a few hours.

Anyways, that concludes my overly long ramble.  I’m impressed if anyone made it this far…

If you like this post, please feel free to share it and please return to myperfectbreakdown.com to follow my journey.

24 Comments on “Rambling Thoughts

  1. It may not feel like it but it sounds like you have made some huge positive steps in your journey. Your comments about how well the adoption process is moving along gives me good hope. I’m sorry to hear the Dr. Braverman and his staff have let you down – it’s the last thing you want to be dealing with during difficult times. Hoping you get your results (and receipt!) very soon.

    Like

  2. There is a lady in my area that is making a living by being in charge of several networking groups thay meet once a week. She specifically connects female business owners. Most of the businesses offer some sort of service (accountants, lawyers, chiropractor, graphic designers, photographers, website developers, etc.). The businesses use each other and refer each other. It’s extremely effective, but it wouldn’t be without someone to lead the group. I thought of you because of all your communication/team building skills. I don’t know the area you are in and I’m not sure how you would start something like this but if you’re interested I could see if she would be willing to get in contact with you.

    Like

    • What a great idea, and thank you for such a kind offer! I think before I can start networking too much with other industries, I had better figure out what industry I want to be in so that I can market myself. 🙂
      I may be in touch once I get that first step sorted. Thank you again!

      Like

  3. I’m so excited for you that you are already getting the process going for adoption….wishing we were there with you already! I’m sorry about Dr. B and the run around. So annoying! I’m right with you on the chili. I made it for J last night…he loves it and I figured he could use some good comfort food right now. Had to use regular hamburger though because he hasn’t gotten a deer yet. Gun season opens tomorrow morning here in WI. I hope your pup starts eating well again soon. Rocky protests eating if we’re not home…we also give him table scraps and yesterday I don’t think he ate any of his dog food even though he really didn’t get all that much human food. He scarfed it down first thing this morning though.

    Like

    • Thank you so much for all your thoughts on all of my thoughts!
      I’m so excited for you guys to start the adoption process. The paperwork is definitely overwhelming, but it’s exciting to be making some progress!
      I think we’ve decided Sadie’s issue is purely that she’s unhappy with her food. When Mr. MPB puts some sort of treat (i.e. cheese, ground deer, etc.) on her kibble she gobbles it up. Clearly she really is just a princess! But, given that she’s happily eating when we add a flavour to her food, it’s a pretty good sign that she’s not sick.
      Does J hunt? Our season here is only through November. But he’s already got 2, and even after splitting with friends we have the equivalent of 1 deer in our freezer, so he’s done for the season (thankfully, because that means I’m done making ground deer). 🙂

      Like

  4. Have you looked into my work suggestions at all? I still feel like you’d be great at either of them! I find it a little strange that people don’t think adopting from the US is an option. Why not? Though we are so close, we ARE a foreign country to you! 🙂 Your chili looks delicious!! I’m sorry that Dr.B is being such a pain, and not doing what they said they would do. So incredibly frustrating! I’d call them every day until you get some results!! I’m sorry your dog is out of sorts. I’m a Licensed Vet Tech, (if you don’t have those up there, I’m basically a step below a vet, kinda like an RN for people) so if you want to email me about her for advice or ideas…you have my email!! I know how it is to feel jumbled and everywhere in your brain, but I’m happy to see that overall you’re doing well.

    Like

    • I have been looking into them a bit, but I find whenever I start thinking too much about work I start to panic. And, I really don’t enjoy that feeling. I actually had a good chat about it with my counsellor today because I’m so bothered by stress reaction to just the thought of it all. I’m feeling a bit calmer at the moment, and think I have an action plan which I’ll firm up next week. 🙂
      Licensed Vet Tech sounds like an awesome job!! We don’t have them here, but I’ve heard of a few people going to the USA for school. We’ve pretty much decided that Sadie’s issue is that she’s being picky. If we put cheese or deer meat in with her kibble she gobbles it down. If we leave it plain, she walks away. Today she was just staring at her treat jar. I am thinking she’s just being picky? She is known to be a picky eater, so maybe she’s just taking it to a new level?
      And thank you again for everything!

      Like

      • Sounds like it…she got used to the good stuff, and doesn’t want her regular food anymore! I do love my job! It can definitely be trying, and for a while I worked in emergency and started getting depressed and burned out. But overall it’s so rewarding and I love being able to bond with our regular patients. Sorry work stresses you so much! Hope your plan works out for you. And you’re welcome!

        Liked by 1 person

  5. Ugh, I agree that part-time work is so hard to find. Why is that? It’s really frustrating.

    And that is also annoying about Dr. Braverman. From what I’ve heard he charges, they should be providing TIP-TOP customer service. That is just inexcusable. Even if you’re pretty sure that you’re not going to proceed with trying, I’m sure you want to be able to definitively close that loop. Grrrrr.

    And lastly, I hope your poor pup gets her appetite back ASAP. There’re few things worse than a despondent pup!

    Like

    • I think Mr. MBP solved the puppy tummy issues – she’s simply being picky. If we put cheese, deer meat, treats, etc., into her kibble she gobbles it all up. So, we think she’s just taken her picky eating to a whole new level. Or at least we are hoping that’s the case.
      Thank you so much for your understanding and support!

      Like

  6. I’m sorry you are going through so much but it sounds like you are making progress. I’m looking forward to seeing how your adoption process goes. Best wishes.

    Like

  7. I can’t believe Dr. B and his staff are being like that! Ridiculous! Even if they don’t have all the results yet, they should be much more accommodating for the price you paid for this protocol. How can they get away with this? If I gave my clients a projected delivery date for a project and then didn’t get the job done by then or at least communicate with my client and tell them of any potential delays, I’m pretty sure I would lose my clients. You may be a patient of Dr. B’s, but you’re also his client and you deserve prompt followup at the very least! These REs and specialists get paid ridiculous amounts of money and have to no accountability! It’s so frustrating!

    I know how hard it must be to know what direction to go in right now, but I feel so hopeful for you and your adoption and it seems that you have made so much progress already! As for work, I wonder if the approaching Holidays are making it hard to find the right job right now. I’m sure many companies are putting hiring decisions off until after Christmas and hopefully some good part time opportunities will become available in the New Year. Thinking about you lots.

    P.s. I really hope your pup is okay!

    Like

    • Thanks so much for all your thoughts! You are right, Dr. B has no right to push us aside considering how much we paid him. Honestly, I hope if people read my blog they do realize how poor the service can be. Heck, even I knew when we chose him that lots of people have said that his service isn’t great, but his RPL testings and protocol design makes up for it. So, I guess my final verdict is still out on that.
      As for the job stuff, I had a pretty good chat with my counsellor today about the anxiety that it’s causing me. I think I’m starting to piece together what’s going on, and I hope by next week I’ll actually have an action plan for what to do. And, I suspect you are right about waiting until the New Year. 🙂
      And our pup seems to be okay. Mr. MPB has figured out that if we put treats in her kibble she will keep gobble up her food. So, I think she’s just being super picky.
      Thank you again.

      Like

  8. I’m struck with your square, head-on gaze as you look at your work situation. And I’m applauding from afar. That takes courage. And it will eventually lead you somewhere good . . .

    Like

  9. As you know my first impressions of Dr. B were not great. I tried to pass on the warning I got that the staff were awful especially at first even though that was not my experience personally. I’m pissed off for you. Have you had the same nonsense even when you call? I have found email frustrating if I am waiting on a response and calling seems to work better. I am so frustrated for you!

    As for the adoption progress: I am always so pleased to read about things moving forward and you and Mr. MPB gaining confidence in your choice to pursue that path to parenting. I know a few couples who have adopted from the US and I’m surprised that people are responding as they have to you making that choice. I wouldn’t have expected that but maybe I just have an atypical perspective? Weird. Why would others even feel invested in the place from where you choose to adopt? Gosh I’d think they’d just want to support and embrace your choices. People are funny!

    I’m sorry about the dogster stress. Sounds like holding out for the good stuff. Mine does that *all the time*. Brats!

    Like

    • First, Dr. B – Ya, I knew you and others were not terribly impressed with Dr. B and his office staff at first. Funny enough, we quite liked him at first, and now we are rather unhappy. I’ll probably call him later this week – I’m a bit busy at the beginning o the week and don’t want to go out of my way to add stress to my life.
      As for the adoption stuff, yup, we are making progress and we are also surprised by how much people seem to care about where we are adopting from. It’s odd, but I’m trying to take it as an opportunity to educate rather then dwelling on it becoming a bit of an annoyance.
      And Sadie is still being stubborn and not eating unless we provide “the good stuff.” We’ve decided to give it some time and see what happens. Although, the longer it goes on the more I’m bound to worry…
      Thanks for all your thoughts! 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  10. I am glad to hear that the adoption process is in progress. This is a big deal. I hope you focus on the big prize, every other chips would fall in line eventually. 🙂

    Like

  11. I also have had RPL (4 in 2 yrs), do contract work from home, am adopting from Haiti, and have had issues with my dog’s health this year. We are on very similar journeys. I am so sorry for all your loss – physical and emotional – and I will keep you in my thoughts (and keep reading!) as we continue on our similar paths! Xoxo

    Like

    • I am so sorry that you understand this journey all too well. While it always makes me feel a little less lonely to find someone who understands, I am just heartbroken that you have experienced such tremendous loss.
      Thank you for stopping by and I am really excited to start following your blog as well. Adopting from Haiti sounds really interesting! 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

Thoughts? I love hearing from you!

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: