Why I Feel Bad for Both the Duke and Duchess & the Infertility Community
Yup, I said it. I feel horrible the world’s most famous Prince and Princess!
Why you ask, when they seem to have everything. They had the fairy-tale courtship, engagement, wedding, first home, first child, etc. By all accounts, they seem to have had everything handed to them on a silver platter.
But, they also have endless press. They are sought after by the paparazzi, and the most important moment of their lives – becoming parents – has been shared with the world. They have been forced to announce both of their pregnancies before they were necessarily ready. They have been forced to share the news with the world, due to medical circumstances, not with a cute little pregnancy announcement photo – no women dreams of telling her family and friends that she’s pregnant before the press release to the world. And, now they are facing the risk of having to share with the world a miscarriage should they have one. The risk is there – 20-25% of all pregnancies will end in miscarriage, and being royal doesn’t protect them from having a miscarriage. I truly hope she doesn’t have to experience this horrible heartache (I know for me, 5 miscarriages has been some of the hardest times in my life).
And, today the world reacted to the news. The world either loves them for having another child, or the world curses them for having another child while seemingly having it all including having their children easily.
Some of us spend hours with medical professionals trying to create our children. And for all we know, they have too. For all we know, they have had a miscarriage or two. For all we know they have used clomid, and experienced the joys of have a doctor or two in the room while they create there children. (The timing of their pregnancies makes this unlikely, but that’s not the point). The point is that we don’t know, and we shouldn’t make assumptions that just because they are royal everything, including procreation, comes easily.
And, now, with their pregnancy announcement, the world is about to watch them and scrutinize there every movement, again. Their pregnancy is the world’s pregnancy. Yes, Kate signed up for all of this when she dated and subsequently married a royal, but somehow it still seems slightly unfair to have to share this precious journey with the entire world. So, yes, I feel bad for William and Kate. The world seems unfair.
And, at the same time, my heart goes out to every single infertile women and couple – myself included. We spend a lot of time trying to protect ourselves from unexpected pregnancy announcements (FYI – infertility turns most normal people insanely jealous crazies who desperately want what everyone else seems to get so easily). And now, for the next 9 months or so, most people in the infertility community will struggle with the constant flow of media related to another pregnant lady being on the cover of every single newspaper, magazine, and the lead story on the evening news. And, once the baby is born, we will then be forced to see beautiful baby pictures everywhere in every media platform. Oh, and now because of the media focus on their pregnancy, some of us will now face additional comments and questions of “when are you going to have kids?” or “why haven’t you had kids yet” because babies will be front and center and people somehow think it’s an appropriate thing to say to us.
Some infertiles will keep trying with no avail for this whole time they are pregnant and have there second child and they still have none. And, others (like me) will potentially have another miscarriage and say goodbye to yet another baby.
While most of us in the infertility community will likely pretend to be happy for them and anyone else in our lives who are pregnant, or at the very least most of us will pretend not to be hurt, the next year of our lives will be marked by trying to hide our hurt and suffering. We will continue to suffer in silence. It’s easy to protect ourselves from friends pregnancy announcements, but it’s a lot harder to hide from the ones that light up the Google news stream constantly. And, its easy to be truly happy for people we actually know, but it’s a whole different thing to be constantly bombarded by photos of famous people that we truly don’t know and therefore don’t need to obsessed over.
So, while I feel bad for and wish an easy go of it to William and Kate, I also want to say good luck to all my infertile friends as we work to survive the massive unavoidable media onslaught coming at us.
I guess no-one has it easy, and no-one gets to live the fairytale life. So, all of us ordinary people and the famous people too, will have to make the most of what we have been handed.
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