Why I Feel Bad for Both the Duke and Duchess & the Infertility Community

Yup, I said it. I feel horrible the world’s most famous Prince and Princess!

Why you ask, when they seem to have everything. They had the fairy-tale courtship, engagement, wedding, first home, first child, etc. By all accounts, they seem to have had everything handed to them on a silver platter.

But, they also have endless press. They are sought after by the paparazzi, and the most important moment of their lives – becoming parents – has been shared with the world. They have been forced to announce both of their pregnancies before they were necessarily ready. They have been forced to share the news with the world, due to medical circumstances, not with a cute little pregnancy announcement photo – no women dreams of telling her family and friends that she’s pregnant before the press release to the world. And, now they are facing the risk of having to share with the world a miscarriage should they have one. The risk is there – 20-25% of all pregnancies will end in miscarriage, and being royal doesn’t protect them from having a miscarriage. I truly hope she doesn’t have to experience this horrible heartache (I know for me, 5 miscarriages has been some of the hardest times in my life).

And, today the world reacted to the news. The world either loves them for having another child, or the world curses them for having another child while seemingly having it all including having their children easily.

Some of us spend hours with medical professionals trying to create our children. And for all we know, they have too. For all we know, they have had a miscarriage or two. For all we know they have used clomid, and experienced the joys of have a doctor or two in the room while they create there children. (The timing of their pregnancies makes this unlikely, but that’s not the point). The point is that we don’t know, and we shouldn’t make assumptions that just because they are royal everything, including procreation, comes easily.

And, now, with their pregnancy announcement, the world is about to watch them and scrutinize there every movement, again. Their pregnancy is the world’s pregnancy. Yes, Kate signed up for all of this when she dated and subsequently married a royal, but somehow it still seems slightly unfair to have to share this precious journey with the entire world. So, yes, I feel bad for William and Kate. The world seems unfair.

And, at the same time, my heart goes out to every single infertile women and couple – myself included. We spend a lot of time trying to protect ourselves from unexpected pregnancy announcements (FYI – infertility turns most normal people insanely jealous crazies who desperately want what everyone else seems to get so easily). And now, for the next 9 months or so, most people in the infertility community will struggle with the constant flow of media related to another pregnant lady being on the cover of every single newspaper, magazine, and the lead story on the evening news. And, once the baby is born, we will then be forced to see beautiful baby pictures everywhere in every media platform. Oh, and now because of the media focus on their pregnancy, some of us will now face additional comments and questions of “when are you going to have kids?” or “why haven’t you had kids yet” because babies will be front and center and people somehow think it’s an appropriate thing to say to us.

Some infertiles will keep trying with no avail for this whole time they are pregnant and have there second child and they still have none.  And, others (like me) will potentially have another miscarriage and say goodbye to yet another baby.

While most of us in the infertility community will likely pretend to be happy for them and anyone else in our lives who are pregnant, or at the very least most of us will pretend not to be hurt, the next year of our lives will be marked by trying to hide our hurt and suffering. We will continue to suffer in silence.  It’s easy to protect ourselves from friends pregnancy announcements, but it’s a lot harder to hide from the ones that light up the Google news stream constantly.  And, its easy to be truly happy for people we actually know, but it’s a whole different thing to be constantly bombarded by photos of famous people that we truly don’t know and therefore don’t need to obsessed over.

So, while I feel bad for and wish an easy go of it to William and Kate, I also want to say good luck to all my infertile friends as we work to survive the massive unavoidable media onslaught coming at us.

I guess no-one has it easy, and no-one gets to live the fairytale life.  So, all of us ordinary people and the famous people too, will have to make the most of what we have been handed.

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29 Comments on “Why I Feel Bad for Both the Duke and Duchess & the Infertility Community

  1. I stinkin love, love, love this post! Thank you for sharing. I used to get a little green eyed when I would spot a pregnant woman in walmart or target who had twins sitting in her cart or a little one already tugging at her leg…but then I was reminded that I don’t know her struggle. I don’t know if she used IVF and that’s how she has twins and one on the way…or if she had to use clomid or went through a series of tests or surgeries to get to where she is now. We just never know. Love ya girlie!

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thanks Elisha. I think most of us just assume everyone else has an easy go of it – statistically, most women/couples do. I work to remind myself that life isn’t always sunshine and roses, and of course, as most of us know, infertility/miscarriage is not talked about openly, so how are we to know what’s really going on for others?

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  2. There was actually a lot of speculation here in the UK they had problems the first time round so if anything it kinda makes sense to me that they wouldn’t hang around to try for #2 if they took almost two years to conceive George, as let’s face it, as a ‘job’ having a baby after marriage is pretty much it for Kate so why wouldn’t that be all they were trying to do in those two years. For it to have taken ‘so long’ I would hesitate that there was some truth to that rumour. I also do feel bad that they have to announce early, especially if they did have some troubles. But I’m jealous as heck!

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    • I don’t actually follow to much about the royal family, so I had no idea that there is speculation that they struggled to have George. Interesting.
      I so hope it works for them (as I do everyone), but given my history of 5 consecutive miscarriages, I find now the first thing I do is worry for people when I hear they are in the early stages of a pregnancy.
      By the way, I just checked out your blog – I look forward to following you and hope you get your little one soon enough!

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  3. Great post, you’re absolutely right. It is so easy to judge and assume….but most of the time we have no idea what goes on behind closed doors. Thanks for sharing!

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    • Thanks so much for the compliment. I know I often just assume pregnancy happens easily for everyone else because statistically it should. So, I do try to remember that we don’t know what people actually go through to conceive.

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  4. Great post! I was thinking almost the same thing yesterday! You just never know what is going on and it would suck to have your pregnancy be so public, but geez it’s hard to see all the news about it.

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    • I’ve never been the type of person to care too much about celebrity anything – I don’t pay attention to it. But, sometimes, like the news of another prince or princess, is just so hard to avoid!

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  5. Great post! You’re absolutely right. I have been able to be hyperaware of my feelings regarding those pregnant around me, but seem to always have to choose happiness for the other person. So many I meet have also struggled with infertility at some point, so how can I not be supportive and that they’ve conquered it?

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    • Oh, I love your attitude. I try to do the exact same thing and be happy for everyone else who is pregnant – especially those who have struggled. Sure, it may hurt me a bit, but that’s 100% my issue.

      Liked by 1 person

    • Absolutely! I loved your post, it was super cute. 🙂
      Anyways, I had written this post and scheduled it to go up before I read yours. So our timing was more a coincidence then anything – okay, maybe coincidence is the wrong word because clearly everyone is talking about the royal pregnancy.

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      • Oh good I was just being a smart area. It’s ok I was penalized the ob rocked up and bit me on the arse, again x

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  6. I woke up to this news yesterday and later in the day got terrible news myself. Needless to say it has been an incredibly painful 24 hours for me, but not as bad as if I were “famous” or “royal” and had media and paparazzi hounding me and reporting on me. As jealous as I am, and envious, and hurt, and struggling, I would never want the entire world looking in at me. I wrote a post similar to this awhile ago, but it was based on Jackie Kennedy – losing two children and her husband in the span of about five years all while being the most recognizable face in the world. I can’t imagine what it is like living in that fish bowl.

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  7. For me it’s just a timestamp on my grief. She got pregnant right after I lost my baby and my tube. And here I am two years later with no baby and she has at least one baby. Do I envy her fishbowl? No, but I do envy that baby and HATE it in my face all the time because of some chick who is thin and dresses well professionally.

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    • I get the timestamp element of it. It’s so hard to watch people move on to have there second child while we are still waiting and working on getting our first. It seems to unfair.

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  8. Such an honest post! It’s true,and I have such mixed emotions about their pregnancy. I feel bad that they have had to announce their pregnancy early, but I hate that for the next 9 months I have to listen to Royal excitement about baby #2. At least we have each other, to keep ourselves from going crazy!

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      • Me too! I was telling my husband the other day about a few women who have reached out by e-mail to help me through processing our next step and he said “Sounds like you have made some very supportive friends?” I couldn’t help but smile because it is true 🙂

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      • There aren’t many people who understand what we are going through, so I love that I have people (like you) supporting me through all of this! I think your husband said it perfectly.
        Thank you! 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

  9. Ahh yeah. They got married a day before our wedding. And there they are having number one and then number two while we’re still struggling with number one. That said, I really like her and I am actually not jealous. But I can’t help but think that this could be us… if we didn’t have to struggle. I would think that every time I read about the pregnancy, I will be reminded of what I still don’t yet have.

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  10. When they had George, I didn’t feel jealous but I did think to myself “another one will be coming within two years, by then, I’ll have another little one, too.
    That didn’t happen.

    I’m not feeing jealous so much as disappointed that my prophecy didn’t come true.

    Like

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