A Pleasant Surprise of Support
I haven’t talked too much on my blog about the relationship I have with my dad and my step-mom. I love them dearly, sometimes they appear to try their best to be part of our lives, and other times they don’t seem to be involved or care much at all. It is not always a perfect relationship, but I am thankful that they are part of our lives. But, this is not the point of today’s post – although I’m sure it’s a topic you will all get to read more about one day.
I come from a family of highly educated, scientific thinkers who are struggling to understand and accept the unexplained nature of our situation. Of course, my husband and I are as well, but we’ve also spent hours with multiple doctors asking questions; multiple conversation with our doctor friends asking even more questions; days/weeks internet searching; and countless hours/days/weeks trying to find a solution through any means possible. This of course has brought us to a relatively good place in our acceptance of not having an answer, and likely not getting one based on current technology and research while we are still of child bearing age. So, while we work to accept our reality, others don’t understand just how much energy we’ve put into accepting this situation. (Don’t get me wrong, there are still moments of frustration, days of desperation wanting an answer, and the odd google search looking for more information). Ultimately, if we could have an answer tomorrow we’d gladly take it, but we understand that this is unlikely.
Anyways, my Dad called today to talk about our “situation.” He informed me that he called my mom’s sister (my Aunt) the other day. Our families are not particularly close, nor have they ever been, even when my mom was alive. Anyways, my Aunt and Uncle never had children, and my Dad asked her very overtly why they never had kids. He thought it might help my husband and I to know more of our family history, maybe there is something genetic going on that could help our doctors turn our unexplained recurrent pregnancy loss into explained recurrent pregnancy loss. Long story short, it turns out they made a life choice not to have children. They took all the steps necessary to ensure children did not happen – i.e. tubes tied. Then, an unplanned and very much unexpected pregnancy occurred. At the first ultrasound everything was fine, and the baby had a healthy heart rate. Then, a few weeks later at the next ultrasound the baby was dead. So, while we now know exactly what the story is behind my Aunt and Uncle did not having children, I also know that it will not help explain our situation. Simply, they had only the one miscarriage which is statistically completely normal from a biology perspective (although, of course, it will never feel normal to any parents to be), so I know the new information won’t help our doctors.
After that first conversation, he also asked me about my thyroid. Apparently, he knows someone who had a few miscarriages and then discovered a thyroid issue. Once diagnosed and controlled they went on to have a few perfectly healthy children. He knows I had a thyroid issue years ago, so he thought maybe it could be my thyroid. I had to break to the news to him, that while I do have hypothyroidism, my thyroid is completely controlled by medication and I have never had a fluctuation occur since it was diagnosed in 2009 which was found through routine blood work, and was also found years before we even started trying to have children. In fact, I’ve been on the exact same dose of synthroid (the smallest dose available) since my diagnosis. And, the doctors are constantly monitoring my thyroid the second we are pregnant. So, I had to explain that well yes, an uncontrolled thyroid problem can cause miscarriages, in our circumstance where it is completely controlled and monitored, it simply isn’t the culprit.
So, more than anything, what struck me about this is that my Dad is trying to find a solution for us. Unfortunately, his ideas won’t make a difference for us or our doctors, but at least he tried! He didn’t say something stupid from the list of stupid things people have said to us (available here). What is amazing is that my dad is trying and he is trying in the best way he knows.
So, while I had to tell him that all his ideas and thoughts were not beneficial, I am so happy he tried. And the very fact that my Dad has talked with people that he comes across who may hold the key to our problem, was a pleasant surprise. Somehow it just felt like he tried to connect with me, and is trying to help us out in his own way.
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