We Have Made a Decision

We’ve made a decision. We are going to call the adoption agency that has been recommended to us by an amazing adoptive parent couple that we met with a few weeks ago (see that post here).

The decision to contact an adoption agency DOES NOT mean:

  • We have given up on trying again for a healthy pregnancy.
  • We have decided to adopt. We are still very scared of adoption.

On the other hand, what this DOES mean is that we have decided to properly educate ourselves. We know that we are in a situation that, although beyond our control, may require us to seriously consider an alternative family make-up. That may mean adopting children or living childfree. We accept that we don’t know what we will do, and we accept that we don’t have to decide today. But, what we do need to start doing today is figuring out the real facts about our potential options.

So, why now are we ready to meet with an adoption agency?

  1. The great personal experiences that others have shared with us have had a profound effect on us.  Most importantly, they have given us the confidence to call an adoption agency and set up an initial meeting. They have shown us that not all adoptions are negative experiences and that maybe we need to open our minds up to the fact that adoptions can go well.
  2. We have the time to start learning about adoption right now. So, why not?
  3. Even if we choose not to adopt or if we choose to adopt, we need to know that we made the decision based in fact and truths. We need to know that we are okay with the adoption decision either way. So, we need to use our time to educate ourselves to enable us to make the best decision for us.
  4. If we choose to adopt, there are a lot of decisions we will need to make. By starting to meet with an agency now, we will learn the types of decisions we will face at some point in the future. From what we understand some of these decisions include the type of adoption we want to do (open local adoption or international) and the type of children we want to adoption (apparently there is an extensive checklist that includes race, gender, etc.). The sooner we discuss this with an adoption agency, the sooner we can start to understand the types of choices we have to make. And therefore, should we choose to adopt it means we have time for some of these ideas to percolate before having to make final decisions.
  5. The average adoption wait time is 3 years after your per-screening paper work is complete.  So, we might as well at least start looking into adoption now.  There is no reason to wait another year (or more) just to start evaluating it as an option.
  6. Just because we look into adoption, it doesn’t mean we have to do it.  We understand this and are okay with removing ourselves from the process at any point.

So, what’s the next step?

I will call the adoption agency. We will see what they say and see what happens next. Presumably we will schedule some sort of introduction meeting? But, I honestly don’t even know if that will be the outcome of the conversation because I truthfully have no expectations of how the conversation will unfold.

The one thing we both know, is that our journey continues regardless of our perceptions of the journey. We have no idea what our family will look like in 5 years. And, as much as I despise not knowing and am working to come to terms with it, I understand that we don’t have a prescribed end destination. So, while I work to accept this bigger unknown, I will also focus on the fact that we are active participants in our lives and so we must proactively participate. We have potential outcomes to evaluate and decisions to make. I will not let the world define my life for me, instead we will make the best decisions for us when and where we can.

36 Comments on “We Have Made a Decision

  1. I think this is a wonderfully brave step forward! At least this way your questions can be answered and you have time to think of new ones, and you have another path towards the family that you want, if you decide to take it.

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    • Thank you. This is precisely why we’ve decided to contact them. We have no idea what will happen, but at least this way we are informing ourselves so that we can make the right decision for us. 🙂

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  2. You certainly have the right attitude. Information is rarely a bad thing! I look forward to hearing about how it goes. When we were first looking into TTC, we sat through a session sponsored by the county on the public foster/adopt process and I found it fascinating. It’s something that still pops into my head often, but my other half isn’t quite as comfortable with the idea as I am.

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    • Thanks for sharing. It’s funny how often my husband and I change our minds on adoption, and it seems like we are both never on the same page at the same time! Whenever one of us thinks it might be a good idea, the other one has let all the fears in and thinks there is no way we can ever adopt.
      I have no idea what will happen, but just like you, we think that information is never a bad thing. 🙂

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  3. I think that this is not only a smart choice but one that could prove to be very rewarding down the road. Wishing you all the best and hoping your experience is a positive one. Knowledge is power isn’t it?

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  4. Education is a powerful tool. Hopefully, knowing more will help you to be more comfortable with future decisions made.

    Blessings.

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      • All the best to you, sweetie. My husband and I have considered the same, but have been too scared to move forward. Perhaps that will change.
        Perhaps.

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      • I definitely get what you mean – we are absolutely petrified of adoption, I honestly don’t think we’ll do it. But, we came to the decision that we need to know the facts so that whatever decision we make, we will not have any regrets in 10 years.
        Best of luck to you and your husband!

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  5. How exciting to make this first step. It’s great to keep all your options open and who knows what this decision will bring. It’s full of possibilities. So excited for you!

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    • Thanks! We are more scared then excited right now. But, we know we need to get the information from the source. We know that if we don’t, we will make a life altering decision based in misinformation and there would be a very good chance that will end up with regrets in the future. And, regardless of our current fears we definitely don’t want regrets down the road.

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      • That is completely understandable! It really sounds like this is best plan for finding out everything you can and like you said, you might change your mind along the way, but at least this way you’ll figure it all out as you go. Here’s to no regrets!

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  6. Always good to education yourself. Best of luck in your journey no matter where it takes you.

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      • Well I am at the crawling stage. No idea which way to turn and if we should be doing the same as you. Making appoinments to find out more. I guess the fear is steering my decisions right now.

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      • I love the choice of word – crawling! In so many ways we are doing the same thing.
        Fear is definitely also playing a big role with us, but we stopped letting rear guide us when we asked ourselves the simple question of “if we don’t end up with living children, what will we regret in 10 or 15 years?” It was the real game changer for us in terms of at least finding out the information so that we can make an educated decision.

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  7. Making baby steps are better than taking no step at all. Thank you for sharing this. I am falling behind on my action plan. You got me thinking of mine, next baby step.

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    • Yes, I definitely agree, baby steps are better then no steps at all (the irony of the words baby steps has me laughing right now). 🙂

      Good luck working on your action plan, one step at a time.

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  8. Best of luck to you! I really admire your attitude about it all. It’s brave first step. And perhaps once you start learning more and getting more information it will become less scary. I look forward to hearing more about how it goes! ❤

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  9. I’m excited for you, I get this is opening new doors for you, and not final at this time, but the more you know the better, right? And having a plan and options is good. I wish you much peace and happiness as you investigate adoption.

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  10. Pingback: So I Called The Adoption Agency | My Perfect Breakdown

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