I Neglected to Mention Something Kind Of Important

I just realized I neglected to tell one part of my journey. I’ve been writing about what we have been through, and long term possibilities. But, at no time have I clearly discussed our very next steps. Throughout various posts, I’ve touched on it, but I’ve never explicitly discussed what are we going to do next. I’m not sure how I managed to neglect this tiny, yet entirely significant, little detail. But, I think it deserve some attention.

So, before dive into the near future plans, I’ll give a quick recap of our past and our long term thoughts (for more detail you are welcome to dig around my various posts).

  • Our past – 4 lost babies to recurrent pregnancy loss / miscarriage in the last 21 months. It’s been tough to say the least. Each miscarriage has been distinctly unique and all of them have occurred at different stages within the first trimester. After miscarriage 3 we got into the local fertility clinic. All testing has indicated that we are perfectly healthy and therefore fall into the category of unexplained.
  • Our Long term future – We have made no concrete decision on adoption, but we are very scared of all the potential risks. Almost no chance we will foster, just not interested.

So, what does that mean the next year is going to look like? The answer was simple, when we asked ourselves one question – will we have any regrets in 10 years if we don’t try again? We both knew instantly that the answer was yes. Yes, we will have regrets. Neither of us feel like we’ve given this our-everything just yet. We need to try one more time for a healthy baby, but we need to make a significant lifestyle change to give it a fair chance even though we’ve been told by the Reproductive Endocrinologists that there is nothing we can do to change the outcome of our next pregnancy. We are healthy, it will either work or it won’t. Assuming we continue to live our healthy lifestyle, nothing we do will change that outcome.

So, what’s the change significant lifestyle change? After nearly a year of working with an amazing psychologist and multiple years with an absolutely awesome family doctor, we’ve decided that my stress level due to work may be negatively impacting our pregnancies. Stress effects all elements of human health, and we cannot ignore that. So, I’ve left work – this has been a huge change for me! Since pre-kindergarten, I have never taken a break from work asides from vacations and scheduled days off. But, here we are now. I told my bosses that our long term family matters more right now then my career. I explained the importance of this decision for our lives. They seemed to get it and asked me to go on to short term disability rather than just quit and then to take a leave of absence when that runs out so that I can still come back to the company (they were pretty awesome about it actually). So, right now I am working on the emotional recovery from our 4 lost babies and we are going to give it one more try.

We found out somewhat unexpectedly last week that our fertility clinic wants to run some more tests on me next week. So, another attempt at healthy baby making is on hold right now. The tests are not usually done for RPL patients, but we’ve pushed to look for answers and they agreed to do more testing. I should have had the test months ago before our 4th pregnancy, but late is better than never. It has been made very clear to us that the tests will almost certainly show me as perfectly healthy. So, assuming nothing shows up, we will start trying again during my next cycle.

We know we will get pregnant pretty quick once we start trying – but that’s why we are weird compared to most people suffering with an infertility diagnosis. We do no temping, no ovulation sticks, nothing other than frequent sex. Even if it takes a few months, I have no doubt that we will get pregnant again. Really, creating the child is the part we are good at which is great because we both enjoy that step (okay, I might now be bordering on too much information).

Anyways, I have absolutely no intentions of changing my blog into our trying to conceive adventures – we are pretty boring when it comes down to it (not to say the sex is boring, but rather there is no science to it – no medications, no trigger shots, etc.). And, I also do not plan to blog about the next pregnancy very much. I’m not even sure I’ll announce it on here right away. I’m not sure if I’ll be able to stick to that promise, maybe I’ll change my mind when we are pregnant next time, but right now, I really don’t think I will spend too much time focusing on it. Because focusing on it while I write, means I’ll be focusing on it all the time rather than trying to think about something else. Since I don’t put any weight into analyzing symptoms or lack of symptoms (having been pregnant 4 times with different symptoms each time to varying degrees, I’m convinced the symptoms mean nothing) there is no point blogging about that. So, until we either have a healthy baby or we lose the baby, there won’t be too much to write about. (Feel free to remind me about this post, if I become an annoying pregnant lady in the future).

Oh, and I almost forgot about the other immediate thing we are doing. Very coincidentally the day after I posted A Little Bit More on our Adoption Indecision, one of my husband’s friends mentioned that his sister has adopted her kids and gave us her contact information. He also texted my husband the next day and said she’s happy to speak with us – I’m pretty excited about this. Apparently all their kids are adopted through open adoption arrangements, they live in our city, and she is very involved with the adoption agency now as a volunteer. So, we are planning on meeting with her and her husband. This will be great because we can ask a tonne of question and learn about the agency they used which might help us in picking an adoption agency if we go that route. I’m rather excited about this because we don’t know anyone personally who has done an open adopted in our province and therefore under our legislation and using agencies that we can use. And its real information, not just online searches. If nothing else, real information will be awesome. I’m super excited and it should be great!

16 Comments on “I Neglected to Mention Something Kind Of Important

  1. Your decision to quit your Job and take care of you is very brave. I’m proud of you. Stress does negatively impact ones health and I often think about the correlation between stress and my miscarriage. I look forward to supporting you through this journey!

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    • It has been a life defining decision for me, and I still struggle with not going to work everyday. Some days I feel a bit lost without work, but most days, I’m surprisingly content.
      Thank you so much!! Your support means so much to me!

      Like

  2. If you’re both healthy then do you not want to get to the bottom of why it’s happening? I think adoption is awesome but there’s every chance you could have your own child too. I’m in the same position at the mo, healthy, had a multitude of tests but still 3 mcs. Based on my research (I’ve prob been a bit too obsessive in the past) but there’s other reasons that standard re’s don’t either believe or know enough about.
    I’m going tomorrow to speak to a new rmc specialist about nk cells (natural killer cells) this is a new area but def worth investigating. Something else I’m looking at is hidden infection, there’s a really good free book by Toth on this subject if you google it, that’s even easier to fix with antibiotic treatment.
    I don’t fully believe in ‘unexplained infertility’, yes I think some times it is just a bad egg but I also believe in everything happens for a reason, especially scientifically!
    Sorry for the long post & you sound way more relaxed about it than me or most others, I just think knowledge is power & you should look into this at the same time as adoption. X

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    • Thank you for your comment. I’ll probably write a long post in response so here goes:

      We would love nothing more then to know why this is happening – the unexplained part of this is one of the hardest things to understand and accept. My husband and I are both very technical individuals and base our lives on scientific study, so this has been incredibly hard for us to comprehend – its a medical problem, how it the heck can they not find the problem?? So, we’ve pushed for extra tests that are not typical for RPL patients. We’ve sought 2nd, 3rd and 4th opinions from additional RE’s and ob/gyn’s. I’ve done the obsessive researching thing after the 2nd and 3rd losses (and still do from time to time, but try really hard not to now, because I find I’m just re-reading the exact same articles). It helps that one of my best friends is an ob/gyn. She’s been absolutely great at having very honest conversations with me about everything under the sun related to RPL.

      I may sound way more relaxed about this, and I’ll take that as a compliment because its currently one of my personal goals. But, I have to say that while I do have my relaxed days, and I’m working really hard to accept our situation, definitely have my bad days and so does my husband. Both in terms of not having an answer, but also in respect to accepting that this isn’t how our lives were supposed to go. We do struggle, but we are trying to focus on making sure our next try is set up for success and right now stress is the only thing we can change. So, we are giving it a try without stress.

      As for adoption, we will see about that. At this point, we really aren’t sure that its for us, but we would like to find out more to be able to make an informed decision. We are in no rush to make a decision, but information wont hurt.

      Lastly, I am really interested to hear what your RE says about the nk cells and possible infection. If you don’t mind, please keep me posted.

      Like

  3. Wow, you must work for a very cool company! I think it is wonderful how dedicated you are to the process! I think it will be very helpful to meet with that couple, nothing like first hand experience!

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    • In some respects I work for a great company, but in others (i.e. 70+ hour work weeks), not such a great company. But, yes, when it comes to our current situation they have been unbelievably supportive, which is awesome.
      I’m really looking forward to meeting that couple – real information will be nice to have.

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  4. I haven’t read your whole blog yet, so forgive me if you’ve already talked about MTHFR genetic mutations. Have you been tested? If you haven’t and you’d like more info, I’ll be happy to get you some good links.

    Also, there have been some studies about using baby aspirin daily for women experiencing RPL.

    I wish you all the luck in the world!!

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    • Thank you so much!

      We have been tested for the entire genetic workup which I believe included the MTHFR genetic mutation. But, I’ll confirm at my next appointment.

      And, due to my history of stomach ulcers we haven’t done the baby aspirin with our previous pregnancies, but we’ve started it for our next try – we’ve decided it is worth the risk.. Here’s to hoping I don’t get an ulcer!!

      Thanks again!

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      • A lot of doctors believe that if you are heterozygous for MTHFR (have just 1 copy of A1298C or C677T) that it is unrelated to RPL. That is not true. If you have just one copy it IS related and you should stop taking all folic acid supplements and begin taking 5-MTHF supplements along with methyl-B12. Even if you don’t have any copies, you could switch to these vitamins just in case. They are the active forms of folic acid and B12. It can’t hurt to have them, but might possibly help a lot.

        If the aspirin does cause you problems, don’t hesitate to request Lovenox or Heparin shots. They are also blood thinners. In fact, a lot if drs prescribe one together with the aspirin. They will help the blood flow through the placenta so the baby can get the nutrients it needs.

        You can google all this stuff, then print it out and go your next appt feeling strong and informed and in charge of your care! Looking forward to seeing how it all turns out. Praying for healthy babies for you

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      • Thanks for the suggestions. As two people incredibly involved in our care, we’ve talked with our doctors about most of this already, particularly the blood thinner options. So, we are confident we are on the right medications at the moment.
        We will definitely ask him more about the MTHFR testing at our next appointment.

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      • I just read your most recent blog. Oops – hopefully I’m not one of the “helpful Hannahs” driving you mad!! Fingers crossed for you!

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      • Nope not at all – I really appreciate your suggestions! Your helpfulness is based in reality and similar experience! But, If you suggest a trip to India, I might have to roll my eyes at you as well. 🙂

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  5. I totally get the stress thing.Our specialist suggested tracking my ovulation and I said absolutely no way was I going to get stressed about it. I get pregnant within weeks after miscarriage. No shots, no stress, just the fun part. And then the crappy part. What a life we lead huh?! 🙂

    Like

    • Funny enough, my doctors have actually told us not to track, there is no point.
      So, in all our trying I’ve only tracked ovulation twice. Both times because we had an event that I wanted to drink excessively at right around the time of ovulation. And both times, I was so confused by the results on the stupid ovulation sticks – with 4 advanced degrees between my husband and I, apparently we cannot understand what 2 lines are supposed to look like!! We are clearly not that smart! And, both times it did nothing but stress me out more!

      And, at least we are good at the fun part, so we don’t need to make that stressful too! 🙂

      Like

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