I Neglected to Mention Something Kind Of Important
I just realized I neglected to tell one part of my journey. I’ve been writing about what we have been through, and long term possibilities. But, at no time have I clearly discussed our very next steps. Throughout various posts, I’ve touched on it, but I’ve never explicitly discussed what are we going to do next. I’m not sure how I managed to neglect this tiny, yet entirely significant, little detail. But, I think it deserve some attention.
So, before dive into the near future plans, I’ll give a quick recap of our past and our long term thoughts (for more detail you are welcome to dig around my various posts).
- Our past – 4 lost babies to recurrent pregnancy loss / miscarriage in the last 21 months. It’s been tough to say the least. Each miscarriage has been distinctly unique and all of them have occurred at different stages within the first trimester. After miscarriage 3 we got into the local fertility clinic. All testing has indicated that we are perfectly healthy and therefore fall into the category of unexplained.
- Our Long term future – We have made no concrete decision on adoption, but we are very scared of all the potential risks. Almost no chance we will foster, just not interested.
So, what does that mean the next year is going to look like? The answer was simple, when we asked ourselves one question – will we have any regrets in 10 years if we don’t try again? We both knew instantly that the answer was yes. Yes, we will have regrets. Neither of us feel like we’ve given this our-everything just yet. We need to try one more time for a healthy baby, but we need to make a significant lifestyle change to give it a fair chance even though we’ve been told by the Reproductive Endocrinologists that there is nothing we can do to change the outcome of our next pregnancy. We are healthy, it will either work or it won’t. Assuming we continue to live our healthy lifestyle, nothing we do will change that outcome.
So, what’s the change significant lifestyle change? After nearly a year of working with an amazing psychologist and multiple years with an absolutely awesome family doctor, we’ve decided that my stress level due to work may be negatively impacting our pregnancies. Stress effects all elements of human health, and we cannot ignore that. So, I’ve left work – this has been a huge change for me! Since pre-kindergarten, I have never taken a break from work asides from vacations and scheduled days off. But, here we are now. I told my bosses that our long term family matters more right now then my career. I explained the importance of this decision for our lives. They seemed to get it and asked me to go on to short term disability rather than just quit and then to take a leave of absence when that runs out so that I can still come back to the company (they were pretty awesome about it actually). So, right now I am working on the emotional recovery from our 4 lost babies and we are going to give it one more try.
We found out somewhat unexpectedly last week that our fertility clinic wants to run some more tests on me next week. So, another attempt at healthy baby making is on hold right now. The tests are not usually done for RPL patients, but we’ve pushed to look for answers and they agreed to do more testing. I should have had the test months ago before our 4th pregnancy, but late is better than never. It has been made very clear to us that the tests will almost certainly show me as perfectly healthy. So, assuming nothing shows up, we will start trying again during my next cycle.
We know we will get pregnant pretty quick once we start trying – but that’s why we are weird compared to most people suffering with an infertility diagnosis. We do no temping, no ovulation sticks, nothing other than frequent sex. Even if it takes a few months, I have no doubt that we will get pregnant again. Really, creating the child is the part we are good at which is great because we both enjoy that step (okay, I might now be bordering on too much information).
Anyways, I have absolutely no intentions of changing my blog into our trying to conceive adventures – we are pretty boring when it comes down to it (not to say the sex is boring, but rather there is no science to it – no medications, no trigger shots, etc.). And, I also do not plan to blog about the next pregnancy very much. I’m not even sure I’ll announce it on here right away. I’m not sure if I’ll be able to stick to that promise, maybe I’ll change my mind when we are pregnant next time, but right now, I really don’t think I will spend too much time focusing on it. Because focusing on it while I write, means I’ll be focusing on it all the time rather than trying to think about something else. Since I don’t put any weight into analyzing symptoms or lack of symptoms (having been pregnant 4 times with different symptoms each time to varying degrees, I’m convinced the symptoms mean nothing) there is no point blogging about that. So, until we either have a healthy baby or we lose the baby, there won’t be too much to write about. (Feel free to remind me about this post, if I become an annoying pregnant lady in the future).
Oh, and I almost forgot about the other immediate thing we are doing. Very coincidentally the day after I posted A Little Bit More on our Adoption Indecision, one of my husband’s friends mentioned that his sister has adopted her kids and gave us her contact information. He also texted my husband the next day and said she’s happy to speak with us – I’m pretty excited about this. Apparently all their kids are adopted through open adoption arrangements, they live in our city, and she is very involved with the adoption agency now as a volunteer. So, we are planning on meeting with her and her husband. This will be great because we can ask a tonne of question and learn about the agency they used which might help us in picking an adoption agency if we go that route. I’m rather excited about this because we don’t know anyone personally who has done an open adopted in our province and therefore under our legislation and using agencies that we can use. And its real information, not just online searches. If nothing else, real information will be awesome. I’m super excited and it should be great!