Our Version of Great News
29 days ago we received the unexpected news that we were going to miscarry for the 4th consecutive time. Even though we had 3 previous losses, we were blindsided by the news. Our baby had a healthy fetal heart rate (this was a first for us), the doctors told us this was a good sign and to be cautiously optimistic. With our history, we definitely understood the need to be cautious, but still when we got the news we were heartbroken. We are still heartbroken.
That said, after 29 days, our doctor finally declared this miscarriage complete! At this point, this is the best news we could have received. This means, no more missed work, no more threat of infection, no more painful procedures to remove pregnancy products, no ultrasounds, and no nearly daily doctor appointments.
I still find it rather remarkable that in a short 29 days we went from being excited expecting parents, to be thrilled that the physical miscarriage is complete. This doesn’t mean we are sad for who our baby was and sad for who our baby could have become. We are sad that we will never get to experience all the baby firsts – smiles, laughs, and even gross diapers. But, today, we will focus on how great it is that I am healthy, and that we can again begin enjoying the simple things in life and focusing on living healthy and looking towards baby 5 with hope and optimism. Of course there is fear too, when we think about trying again, but we will deal with that when we get there. For now, we will work to focus on healthy living and hope.