A wonderful blogger, friend and mother wrote a post earlier this week about her village, and it really struck a cord with me.
We all have our villages. They all look and feel differently.
Some people have giant families and copious amounts of friends to turn to.
Some people have online communities.
Some people have a mix of online friends and real life friends.
Some people have small families.
Some people have a small circle of close friends.
Some others work to build their own villages of friends when they are not near to the village they have depended on for years.
Sometimes villages change and flow, as people may enter for a short period of time and sometimes they are there forever.
I could go on, but the point is simple, all of our villages, they are all unique and they matter.
They matter so darn much.
I’d be utterly lost without mine.
We chose to live in a city where we have no family, in part because we knew we needed space to be ourselves and in part due to pure economics. By living far away from family we’ve learned that we get to build our own chosen family. This isn’t to say we don’t love and appreciate our families, it just means that on a daily basis we are not connecting with them. And, going through 5 miscarriages reinforced that we get to choose who is part of our chosen family, and sometimes that choice results in the changing of friendships, and that’s okay. And so our chosen family is our village.
And a village is not constructed on genetics. A village is constructed by amazing people (or at least mine is). In the last few years I have really come to believe that family has absolutely nothing to do with genetics, but everything to do with your village. And of course, coming from a blended family and as an awaiting adoptive mom, I truly believe this. The power of love to connect people is deeper then anything else in the world.
Honestly, learning to lean into special people in my real life village and sharing my vulnerability has been a huge task for me. And now, I meet one very special friend for lunch every few weeks and I’m grateful for our conversations, sometimes about absolutely nothing and other times about the big and hard stuff. I also now spend time with other waiting adoptive mom’s as we become fast friends in part because we understand the wait the losses that we have in common. Really, I just cherish my beautiful friendships with so many amazing people and I value the depth and love that comes from them.
And, if I’m talking about my village I cannot neglect to mention the power of the village that has developed in our lives as a direct result of My Perfect Breakdown. While I had no idea the power of a blog until I stared My Perfect Breakdown, I now realize it’s strength is awe inspiring. Opening myself up to an entirely new village, those I’ve met through My Perfect Breakdown, has been life altering for me and Mr. MPB too. I share almost everything about myself, and I am almost fully accepted for who I am and encouraged along the way. I receive amazing advice, constructive criticisms and copious amounts of love on a nearly daily basis. The wonderful friends I have throughout the world, well, I don’t even have words to explain just how important you are all to me.
In the last few years I’ve really come to see the value in having a village that is right for me, and I am so very so excited to be able to bring our child up in our unique MPB village. And, now that our village consists of amazing people throughout the world, I’m even more excited to raise our child surrounded by so much positive energy and love. As someone who recently reached out to me via my blog, said perfectly:
There are no strangers when one person truly wants to send another soul love.
– Mia Frost (quoted with permission).
Not a day goes by that I’m not thankful for our village.
I anticipate that the entire MPB village will show our child that anyone who loves and shares compassion is a good person, and is someone you want to be able to call your friend.
I hope by surrounding ourselves with amazing people our child will grow up knowing what it feels like to be loved and supported by amazing people. And, I hope this will help them be a compassionate and loving human being who supports others in their time of need and loves unconditionally.
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