How I Cope With the Disappointment of a Negative Pregnancy Test
So, after my last TWW ended with another BFN (negative), I decided to track what I did for the next few days. so that I could see how I cope, and how I move through the process of disappointment over a lost cycle to hope for the next cycle.
So, here’s what I apparently do in the few days following a BFN:
- I drink alcohol. I rarely drink to excess, and I’m proud to announce that I didn’t this month. Right away once I found out we were not pregnant this month, I went and dug out a bottle of wine. It tasked yummy.
- I love baths, they are my go-to comfort place after a bad day, or when I have a migraine. And, now, for almost 2 years, I avoid baths entirely. I will only have them in the first week of a new cycle before there is any chance of ovulation. So, I had a hot bath the first day I knew the cycle was a bust. Like, super hot, the kind that would potentially cook a baby if I were pregnant (and yes, I did just write that).
- I sat down and finished my most recent puzzle. For me, there is just something relaxing about sitting at a table methodically piecing a puzzle together. And, as an added bonus, I always feel good when I get something accomplished, so I thought finishing the puzzle might help.
- The very next morning after the BFN, I forced myself to go outside to mow the lawn and soak up some natural Vitamin D. Due to my sever grass allergy I had been putting it off in case we were pregnant (as we don’t want to trigger any immune reactions I wouldn’t have mowed the lawn if we were pregnant, and as my husband’s ankle remains broken it is on me to take care of the yard and to do almost all things that require two working legs for that matter).
- I had an exciting and eventful long weekend planned which nicely correlated with the end of this cycle. When we planned the weekend, we knew it would work for us if we were pregnant or not. And, it would work well either way, because I could either enjoy alcohol without worry, or I would be distracted enough to not focus solely on another high risk pregnancy. This isn’t a strategy that works most months, but right now especially given how hard I took the BFN, I am super happy we have this weekend planned. (Don’t worry, next week I’ll share what we did with photos).
- I picked a fight with my husband for not saying anything when I first told him about the BFN. Not the brightest thing to do, and definitely not something to add to the healthy coping strategy list. It’s not like it was his fault in anyway, and it’s not like he can change the outcome. But, like always, he dealt with my crazy and was there to deal with the emotional wreak that I became and for that I’m grateful.
- I have enjoyed my chai tea lattes guilt free. I normally make them at home (because I can and I’m cheap), but I decided to splurge and make a trip to Starbucks for a real Due to my migraines, I have never been a big caffeine drinker, but I love chai tea lattes and the ones from Starbuck’s don’t result in a migraine. So, I make the most of it and have been enjoying my favourite drink.
- I ate medium rare stake which is always delicious and of course forbidden once pregnant.
- I will eat sushi at least once in the next few weeks.
- I wrote a bit, but really not that much.
- I started working a bit on a project with one of my mentors. I decided to do it before the BFN, but it sure helped right now to have something else to concentrate on.
- I entered my new CD1 date into virtually every online calendar to get an idea of my dates for the next cycle.
- I asked my OBGYN friend if she has any advice on how to get pregnant again sooner. Turns out, timed sex is about the best advice she has for us at this time given that we have been able to conceive 5 times in the last 2 years. So we are already on the accelerated pregnancy plan. But, because I’m paranoid I asked, and I feel better having her confirm that I really have no reason to worry. (And as a bonus I got to feel like an idiot for asking one of our very good friends about our sex life – this was rather entertaining actually).
- I debated using ovulation sticks for the upcoming cycle. For now, I’ve decided not to because they don’t seem to help and they just seem to piss me off more than anything.
Anyways, this is my list so far. Nothing terribly exciting.
But, I did notice that everything seem to be geared towards distracting myself from the disappointment, or about breaking the scared pregnancy rules. It is almost as though my subconscious has said, f#$! you pregnancy and f*#! you pregnancy bubble. If I’m not pregnant, at least I am going to live how I want to live. (Although, I should note that I do plan to continue to fully embrace the no crack pregnancy rule – it seems like the one rule that I just shouldn’t break).
I know none of these little coping strategies will make a difference to our next pregnancy, breaking the pregnancy rules for a week or two will not change the outcome of our next pregnancy. We may have another miscarraige, but we also may not. But I do know they have each worked together to make me feel better, even if only for a few minutes at a time. And, all of these things have helped me focus on anything but the BFN, all my intensifying fears about additional fertility issues and all the RPL fears.
Anyways, since the longest I’ve ever had to deal with trying to get pregnant is 4 consecutive cycles, I assume I am not the expert on the subject. Does anyone else out there have suggestions for turning the corner from disappointment to hope each and every month?
If you like this post, please feel free to share it and please return to myperfectbreakdown.com to follow my journey.