Infertility Blogging Thoughts of the Day

I’ve had an interesting few weeks with blog stuff floating around in my brain. Nothing major, but a few interesting thoughts about blogging have been percolating.

First, I’ve been contemplating this whole blog thing. I love writing. I am enjoying sharing our story.  I love the support I have received from others. I love the positive news coming out of the infertility group – I love the hope that these stories give me and hopefully other couples (side note – for those of you worrying about how to deal with blogging and being pregnant with healthy little babies, get over it and stop worrying about those of us who are not – you deserve to be happy and I for one love to hear about it!). I love knowing that some dreams do come true.Yet, I’m saddened by the continued heartache that women experience each and every cycle. I am saddened by the stories of a single pink line, of miscarriages and lost babies. I’m heartbroken by the stories about the hardship infertility causes to marriages with some even ending. I’m saddened by the stories of depression and anxiety as a result of infertility.

Through my months of blogging, there are even a few bloggers stories that I’ve grown to feel personally involved in and connected to – which I find so weird, because I don’t even know these women asides from their blogs. These women are at different stages in their infertility struggles, but regardless, whenever a post goes up from them, I find myself desperately hoping for good news and cheering them through the good and the hard the times.

But, sometimes I wonder, how healthy is it to be involved in infertility blogging? How healthy is it to be talking and reading about the most negative experiences in my life, and being so involved in these experiences. Is there a fine line between being involved and being too involved? Is there a line to walk and a balancing act to be conducted? I don’t have the answer, but I do think it’s a legitimate thought. I do think it could be a slippery slope, and I want to ensure I stay on the healthy side of the line. So, in an attempt to stay on the heathy side of the line, for at least the time being I’ve decided to be less involved on the weekends because usually we are busy and I have less time anyways. I’m not sure how this will go, but it’s just a thought for now and something I want to be cognizant of.

Also, some of you may have noticed, that I’m not writing a lot, or actually at all, about my daily cycles and our current efforts to get pregnant. So, I thought I’d share why. As an unexplained recurrent pregnancy loss person, I simply don’t see the point. I ovulate monthly. I don’t track my cycles other than to note CD1 and to guestimate when I should ovulate. We do the deed every 2 days around ovulation time. I don’t use ovulation sticks (the few times I have, I just get annoyed trying to remember to use them and always give up). My cycle is regular within 1-2 days every month, so I don’t really have any surprises. We do not use any type of medical support to get pregnant – i.e. no drugs (i.e. Clomid) and no procedures (i.e. IUI). Being that we deal with RPL, simply put we are as normal as it comes and getting pregnant is not our struggle.

So, I just don’t see the point on writing updates on our monthly cycle. I know we will get pregnant again. Yes, this cycle will mark 4 months since the end of our last miscarriage, and if I count our last biochemical pregnancy then it is only our 2nd cycle. Either way, it really isn’t that long. I know it will happen. Yet, I also know if this takes a few more months I will really start to worry that something more is going on, but I’ll cross that bridge when I have to. So, for now, I don’t write about it because what would I say – I ovulated when I should, my cycle was completely normal, we did the deed when needed, etc. I don’t want to write about it because it’s boring and I suspect most of you also don’t want to read that kind of an update. So, what it also means, is that I don’t have anything real to say on the topic at the moment.

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17 Comments on “Infertility Blogging Thoughts of the Day

  1. You hit the nail on the head about possibly being “too involved” in IF blogging. I’ve taken a step back from my blog lately. I am still following along with others, but I noticed when I took a bit of a break I became less anxious about my impending IVF cycle. I would ilke to blog about my cycle, because I’ve found others blogs helpful and I want to try and pay it forward, but I think I will be a bit less involved going forward. I am so thankful for the IF community, but you are right, it is a very draining topic.

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    • Thanks for sharing your perspective – it’s nice to know I’m not the only one thinking about this. I guess we all just need to find our own right balance, whatever that may be.

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  2. I also feel too involved with the negative side of infertility and pregnancy as well. Sometimes I miss my ignorant bliss of not understanding infertility fully and all the things that can go wrong.

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  3. I totally understand this. I don’t post updates nearly as often as you do, but I keep up on everyone’s blogs every day. I really want to know what’s happening with everyone, but it can be hard sometimes. I think your idea to take the weekends off is a great idea. I’ve done it myself a few times when I’ve been away and it is nice to disconnect every once in a while.

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    • Thanks for sharing. I think it’s important that we each find our own “right” balance, whatever that might be. Hopefully the idea of taking the weekends off works well for me, but I guess time will tell.

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  4. I totally understand where you are coming from. And, I think at least for me, we now have a very skewed view of pregnancy – when we read so much about RPL/infertility it makes it seem as though the majority of pregnancies have a poor outcome. However, we know (in our heads) that is not the case. But when you’re in the trenches it feels that way. I think taking time off is a great idea.

    When I first started my blog I was writing every day, mostly just to get my thoughts and feelings out about my grief. Now that I am out of the thick of the grief and I post much less but I still keep up with everyone else’s blogs. And, like you, infertility has not been my problem – it’s been staying pregnant. So it almost seems mundane to talk about charting and our intimate lives. Anyway, I guess I think it’s good to take a break now and then, and when you come back and read the posts you can take it in with fresh eyes.

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    • I think the RPL version of infertility is unique because it is consumed by death and its very hard to see that happy ending of a “normal” pregnancy. And, so when we are going through it, our lives become consumed by grief. I firmly believe that finding an outlet to express that grief and understand it is so important, and I absolutely agree wit you that once I am out of the miscarriage experience, the need to write is different. For me, rather the stopping writing, I’ve been writing a lot about adoption, and more random things that are unrelated to RPL. And now, I’m also working on finding the right balance between writing and not writing – hopefully the idea of taking weekends off works out.
      Thanks so much for sharing your experience.

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  5. I totally understand where you are coming from. I actually have not yet written anything on my blog about our efforts to conceive, I was about to write I am not sure why, but then I realised that I think it is because my writing on my blog is the only piece of my life that is not about infertility and that is kind of nice. Everybody asks about it and asks what we have tried and gives us advice that we sometimes try – with my blog there is only one person in my family that occasionally reads it, my Mum. Most people don’t even know about it, I don’t publicise it on Facebook or Twitter, because I want it to stand alone, I’m not ashamed by it or anything like that, it is more that if my writing is successful I want it to be so on its own not with the help of likes from family and friends. It now occurs to me that perhaps that is crazy hahaha.
    Perhaps it is a haven for me away from infertility, in the same way I think that blogging about infertility for many is a way of blowing off steam that would otherwise be bottled up emotion – which is healthy for no one 🙂

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    • Thanks for sharing your perspective. I can totally understand the idea of having something separate from infertility. That’s actually part of why we have not told everyone we know about what we are going through – sometimes its just nice to not have to think about it and deal with it!
      Anyways, wishing you the best in your journey!!

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  6. Thank you for this post. It is very timely for me and I appreciate you tending my needs this way 😉 It has dawned on me recently that I’m burned out on grief and loss and suffering through RPL and infertility. I’m on hiatus. The connections and the friends I’ve made blogging are invaluable and I am eternally grateful but enough can become too much. I needed a break and have found myself taking one without really having decided to do so. It’s as though the decision just made itself. Of course here I am writing this – and re-engaging – but that’s to say thanks for naming this in-between place I’m in without having really paid attention to my travel arrangements or arrival here.

    I hope your next go, whenever it may be, is the real deal. Hugs, friend.

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  7. My personal opinion is that blogs of this nature are a little like therapy for the author. I know that is certainly true in my case anyway. In a way it’s a creative therapy and in return you get support from a community, the weird part is you’ve never met any of us which is of course unlike therapy in a normal situation. I too am invested in people’s stories and I think that’s the beauty of blogging. You can check in and have a read but still disappear back into your own life. I like that you say you are invested in certain stories because I’m positive that’s a great source of comfort to the writer.

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  8. I enjoy reading your blogs. Thanks for sharing your journey. I too, feel personally invested in many of the women whose blogs I follow. It’s hard not to.

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