What If We Actually Get One?

So, what happens if we actually get a living, healthy child? I know, given our history this is kinda crazy to even be thinking about, but because my train of thought on this topic is just so crazy, I need to share it and give everyone out there a laugh at my crazy.

So, we always wanted 2 kids. Maybe 3. But, now, we’ve stopped even considering 2 or 3. We are now just hoping for our “one.” 99% of the time, we are careful not to go past the thought of one, but yet the odd time I let my brain wonder, I end up thinking “so if we have one, then it will be an only child” and that’s no good…only children are always a at least a little bit nuts – never learning to share; not being socialized well enough as a young child; getting stuck with dealing with dying parents on their own; having no best friend (and sometimes enemy) who is always with you; having no-one to play with on a rainy Saturday; etc. The list of only-child drawbacks just goes on and on and on.

Yes, I am seriously worrying about this!

I am worrying about how my non-existent child, who may never exist, will grow up as an only child!

Yes, when my rational brain is in charge, I know lots of these things can be fixed with good after-school activities, but some of these cannot and I would hate for my child to end up lonely in the future.

There is when I have to consciously force my rational brain to take charge and ask myself – we don’t even have one, so why am I wasting my time thinking about this? This is a problem to deal with when and if we ever get to one. And, then I have to consciously force the fears out that say, given our past history we likely won’t ever be lucky enough to even have the problems of an only-child. (It’s a bit of a vicious circle).

Maybe I should focus on all the good things about being an only child – constant love and attention from parents; more inheritance since you don’t have to divide things between your siblings; they will learn to make close friends who can be just as close as siblings; etc.

But focusing on the positives, seems so far away. Somehow it seems like the family dream – 2 kids – is fading further and further away. And, while we are working to accept that we may very likely never have children, at the same time, I am now trying to wrap my mind around many possible alternative versions of a family if we should ever have children.

6 Comments on “What If We Actually Get One?

  1. If it makes you feel any better, I am an only child and I think I am pretty well adjusted. I think a good majority of the way only children turn out is how the parents raise them. Obviously you are aware of some of the problems that can stem from being an only child so you have a good start in trying to raise your child in a way that prevents their “only child-ness” from negatively affecting their personality. Plus, if/when you have a child, I’m sure you won’t care if they end up being the only one.

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    • Thanks for your comment! Its always nice to hear from people who can understand one of my posts and provide me with some more perspective. And, thank you for reinforcing that many only-children are “normal”.

      I am sure you are right, that if/when we have a child, I’ll get over the one child fears and just be thankful for the our one child!

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  2. They are real fears. My daughter is very good at sharing, and we have always done lots if socialsing as she Loves being with people. But it is very hard to hear her say she wants someone to with when she gets bored, and i fear what she may have to deal with as an only child in the future. However, i guess an only child never knows any different? So perhaps it is more anxiety for the parents than the child? Xx

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    • Thank you for sharing your experience. I think a lot of it depends on how you raise an only child, and it sounds like you are doing it right! And, I also suspect that you are right about the only child situation causing more anxiety for the parents then for the child. I guess that anxiety is wrapped up in our issues, not the child’s?

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  3. I think it is personality that determines whether someone feels lonely or not. Plenty of people with siblings still feel lonely, and I’m sure there are many only children who do not. I really think that the attitude we take towards it will define how well adjusted our only child is. Treat it as a gift and they will see it as such. If you are anxious that it is a curse, they will pick it up and make that their truth.

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    • Thank you for sharing your thoughts. I really appreciate the perspective that anyone can feel lonely – siblings or no siblings. Its really is about how you lead your life and who you surround yourself with that will result in loneliness.

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