Why hello reality, it’s been a while. Thank you for stopping by to slap me across the face. With you in my face, I know you will try to shake me to my core, but not today! I’m having none of it, I’m just not interested.
So, my work crises that has been well entrenched for the last year, is officially rearing its ugly head and reminded me that there is a reason I’ve spent so much time talking about leaving my old profession and moving on to something else.
Let me briefly set the stage. I’ve met with my old boss a few times over the last few months. There was talk that I would do some consulting work from home with them, one day a week. The two main reasons I wanted to do this is that I could focus on the adoption process and we would have a bit of income which would really help with the costs of our international adoption. Yes, this meant I would be in the same industry, but it felt like a really good balance for the moment as I needed some income and had the flexibility to work from home and work on projects on my own terms. This also meant I could use my remaining time to map out the next steps of my career without too much pressure to actually do so.
Well, like normal, nothing with my old company goes smoothly. They got their noses bent out of shape, and have now blacklisted me from working for the company!
Blacklisting a person may seem like a drastic step, but I know I was thrown under the bus by my old boss to the senior manager. I have no doubt she left out a few critical details. Heck, my old boss even admitted it to me. This person has done this to me before, so I’m just not all that surprised. Her suggestion to the issue, I speak directly to the senior manager in a few weeks time to discuss the fall out as she would still like to work with me.
So, I sit here thinking about what does this mean for me? I have two opposing perspectives of the situation:
- My Recent Spiraling Into Worry Perspective – I no longer have an “easy” feed for some consulting work. Maybe I should meet with him to try and smooth things over – that easy work feed would be nice. This makes my ability to spend time working on developing my own business harder, as I will have virtually income in the interim. It’s pretty hard to find part-time professional work (in my old profession), so should I just start looking for a full time job? Yet, I still don’t know what it is I actually want to do when I grow up. And it’s so hard to change careers successfully. Heck, should I just go work at Starbucks and call it good enough? No, my ego will get in the way of that, and I do like my professional wage. Oh shit, what should I do? I really need to get this figured out.
- My Pre-RPL Attitude – I am officially done with them! I have not been employed by them since May, 2014 and yet I have been constantly dealing with their crap! I owe them nothing, and so it’s time to move on and look out for me. My mental health matters, and so it’s time to move on. I would rather be unemployed and live in a cardboard box then work for them again. It’s not a great time to start a consulting firm, but is there ever a great time? I’ll do my best and re-evaluate in a few months.
I need to be me again, and key to my personality is confidence and self-worth. An employer who was at times verbally abusive and took me for granted combined with recurrent pregnancy slowly eroded away at my confident spark. I became a shell of myself simply walking through the days, and I’m no longer okay with that. I’ve been working to getting back to me on the RPL and personal side of my life, but now it’s time to do the same on my professional side. I need to continue to strive to get my professional spark back, and get back to being me.
So today, I choose to walk away from that employer and move on. I choose to use this as my motivation to step back into the game and to overcome. I will focus my effort into watching more job ads, reviewing companies that interest me and strategizing to build my own consulting firm. If my eyes are truly wide open, eventually an opportunity will present itself. I don’t know what the path will look like, and I know it won’t be easy. In fact, I may even fail. But, as long as I can hold my head high, be true to my ethics and integrity, then the rest really doesn’t matter.
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