Yesterday was a very ironic day. All we want is to be parents to a healthy and happy child. Yesterday, I found myself at my clinic hoping that they would confirm that miscarriage 4 is “complete”. The irony of hoping and dreaming of a healthy child, changes in the blink of an eye to my thoughts being captivated with hope for this miscarriage to done and over. How did I go from dreaming of child, to yet again hoping for the hell of another miscarriage to be done?
After finding out that our baby lost its heart beat 2 weeks ago, and then waiting nearly another week for confirmation of the fetal demise (medical term for dead), we went through a long and drawn out medically induced miscarriage just over a week ago. Yesterday I had a follow up exam, and the best case scenario was that the doctors would confirm that it was a complete miscarriage. Unfortunately, I cannot even seem to miscarry correctly, and it cannot be declare a complete miscarriage at this time. Instead, they removed more remaining material from my uterus through a rather painful procedure. And now we wait to see what happens next. Hopefully my body continues to expel the remaining material on its own, as the doctors animatedly do not want me to have another D&C surgery (I am now considered high risk for complications because I’ve had two D&C surgeries for past miscarriages). But only time will tell, and if an infection develops surgery may be the only option regardless of the risks.
So, we wait, and we hope that this passes quickly and without more physical pain. And at the same time we start looking to the future and the next pregnancy and we start to open our hearts up to hope…