You Can Have Mine Anytime
So this went down just the other day when I visited a friend’s family while travelling for work. I’ll just say upfront that my blood is still boiling….
Friend: Oh, can you stay with our 3 kids for a few hours tonight?
Me: Ummm…sure. (thinking, I haven’t seen you in 6+ months and thought I was coming to visit the family, not babysit). I do have a 2 hour drive when I leave your house tonight, so I am hoping to be on the road by 7pm (thinking, don’t you dare make me drive through the night).
Friend: Oh, ya, I’ll be back as quick as I can. You’ll be on time, I’m sure. The kids will be great, the older ones will help with the baby. And they can just stay up until I get home so you just need to get all 3 of them ready for bed.
Me: Okay. Sounds great.
Friend leaves. I attempt to wrangle 3 kids between the ages of 1 and 6 to get ready for bed. I spend more time counting down to three (their parents preferred technique) to get the 2 older kids to get ready for bed. Baby pretty much hated me (because she basically doesn’t know me), but thankfully baby is pretty entertained by flipping pages in a book.
Friend returns. I rush to leave.
Friend: Thanks so much. I bet you’d love to have 3 kids now.
Me: Nope, I’m good with my one. (Thinking, I’d give anything for another kid or two).
Friend: You can take mine anytime. Like anytime.
Me: Laughing (Thinking, you jerk. I’d do anything to have another kid, and you made the choice to have three. How dare you try to give them away, and pawn them off on someone else. You have no idea how luck you are).
I leave.
.
And you know what, I’m still annoyed. First off, I didn’t miss seeing Little MPB today just so I leave early to stop by and babysit your kids, especially since you didn’t ask first. (I probably still would have come and helped out, but seriously, they could have asked first). And, don’t ever tell me that I can just have your kids since I cannot have more of my own.
I know fertile people don’t always get what it’s like to experience multiple miscarriages. Some clearly have no idea what it’s like to not be able to have the family you always dreamed of having. Some have no idea how these “jokes” open up old scars and make my heart hurt. And some just don’t understand how hard it is to hear people not want their kids around and how irritating it is to hear people try to pawn off their kids as if they are some sort of inconvenience.
ARG!
My silver living is that I did get to drive mostly in the light. So, I guess it could have been worse.
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My Perfect Breakdown 
I hate that “joke” so much. I’m sorry a friend threw that in your face.
When we were TTC, I started to avoid one of my friends because every time we’d meet up, she’d make a similar “joke” about us taking her then 1-year-old daughter. At one point I was like “no really, we’ll take her. I will go get the paper work. I’m not kidding” and she backed off… for a short time. x.x
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That’s an excellent response to a really shitty statement.
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I love that response too! Good for you for saying something, maybe next time I’ll have the courage to as well.
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She sounds like a dolt and rather selfish. Ughhhh
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I hate that!!! Our county is kind enough to provide all new foster placements with a Target shopping spree to get necessities, and I had to take my then-2-year-old foster kid with me to do the shopping for the older kids we had just had placed with us. Some woman made a joke about how I could take her kids too and I wanted to rip her head off, and I didn’t even know her! And the fact that your “friend” just dumped her kids with you when you were coming to see her is beyond reprehensible.
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I had someone I know (close to me) post a video of a Dad freaking out (negatively) over seeing results of a positive pregnancy test which will result in a 4th child and my friend commented how this is how her husband would be reacting too… in the video this Dad was begging for it to not be true, that “he can’t do it anymore” and “they have enough”… Annoyed is a great word… that this person close to me would feel the need to blast it on social media and find it funny knowing that I’d see it (and maybe others also struggling to build a family their hearts desire)… The best thing I could think of was… “must be nice to have “too many kids” be a problem – here I am praying for a miracle and to see those 2 lines on a pregnancy test and actually have it result in a baby”
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My brother is that guy! His wife recently learned they were pregnant with their second kid and all he can do is complain to me about how he only wanted one, bla bla bla. Well, I have zero biological kids and zero ability to create them so stfu is how I feel. Solidarity!
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I am appalled that she dumped her kids on you without asking. That is absolutely rude add not ok. It reminds me of the Friends episode where Ross thinks he’s going on a “stay-in” date with a gal just to be told he’s babysitting her kid so she can go on a date. I don’t understand how anyone can think this is ok.
I am a woman who moved mountains to have her babies, and I can tell you that as the kids have gotten older, my husband and I are always looking for a chance to go out without the kids. 😂 We have a regular rotation of babysitters and we use them A LOT. I don’t feel that I’m pawning them off, and I certainly don’t think that I need to want to be around my kids all the time just because we fought like hell to have them. Getting out regularly without your kids is a necessity in a healthy, happy marriage no matter how hard you worked (or not) to have your kids.
That said, what your friend did and said was crappy.
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Yeah I’m more annoyed by her surprise baby sitting role than her thoughtless comments. Who does that?
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Everything about that story is gross 😡
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I’m sorry but I would be incredibly offended if I went out my way to visit a friend and she disappeared, leaving me with her kids. And the insensitive comment…so annoying.
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Wow how rude and inconsiderate! Some friend.
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Your friend and my crib seller should hang out, they sound like they have a lot in common. She once said the “you should watch my daughter and maybe you’d decide you don’t want kids after all”. I refrained from criticizing her terrible parenting that is raising spoiled brats, so I gave myself props for that.
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Oh my. I would have definitely had a hard time not going off. I can’t believe she made you babysit on the fly like that either. ?????
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*eye roll* Yea, I would have new moms (this was a few years back, it’s gotten better) to offer their children for my “baby fix”. I never knew just how to respond. And recently, one of the floor guys who replaced our carpets was mystified that it was just Michael and me who lived in the house. Why weren’t there more kids (he actually said I should have at least 6 kids)? Granted, I think he was playing off the stereotypes of his own culture, making fun of himself, but I didn’t mention the two urns that hold my daughters in a special alcove in our living room. Sometimes it’s just picking my own battles, but seriously…fertile people sometimes…
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That’s my favorite… When people think they are doing me a favor by bringing their kids along so I can get a “baby fix”. My husband’s friends do this every now and then and he will even say “no, Sarah does not want to babysit your kids while we hang out”. 😂 good/sincere intentions…. but no. Just no.
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Oh wow! People are so inconsiderate of your feelings, time, and friendship!
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This made me so angry for you. Thoughtless, rude, and incredibly entitled.
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How close are you with this friend? I don’t think she sounds like a very good friend at all. First of all to just dump her kids on you and not spend time with you herself, then to tell you to take them? I mean seriously. I really hope that she doesn’t know of the struggles that you guys went through, because that would just make it so much worse. This is part of the reason why I dislike so many people. I’m so sorry you had to deal with all this.
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What a punk! I’d drop her like a hot potato. XO
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Oh yes, that’s one of my least favorite comments – “you can have mine” My answer is always – “okay, I’ll take them. I’d love to.” And not laughing. Hugs!
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I don’t even have words. I’m so sorry. This is so much hurtful stuff to be handed in such a short time period. I hope you’re back home and getting some good snugs from all the cuteness in your family ❤
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Yikes. So you were stopping by to visit and instead she asked you to babysit? My mind is blown. And her sarcastic comments about how you’d love to have more than one and that you could take hers are in very poor taste. I’m so sorry.
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Ugh. I’m so sorry this dig up old wounds. I seriously can’t believe she basically forced you to babysit. People can really be awful sometimes.
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Sorry, but this “friend” is a jerk!
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Wow. That totally sounds like an ex-friendship.
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