I have never made a New Years Resolution. And, I can honestly say, I’m not about to start now.
Yet, I have noticed a trend over the last few years that has peaked my intetest. Its not to make a New Years Resolution but instead choosing a word to represent something meaningful to you in the upcoming year.
This idea intrigues me.
And so I think, what could my word be, using inspiration from words that others have chosen….
Healing – I think that should have been my word for the last 3 years, maybe even 4 years. I think I’ve been working so hard to heal from the emotional and physical hell we went through loosing 5 pregnancies. By no means am I cured, nor do I think that I ever will be, rather all of this is all just part of who I am today. I also do not believe healing is a one time thing – it ebbs and flows with life. But right now, I don’t think healing is front and center in my life so it’s not fitting for 2018.
Thankful – I am beyond thankful for my son and my husband. I am beyond thankful for my friends in blogging land. I am thankful I have managed to start my own consulting firm and for the most part I’m managing being my own boss and making enough money to contribute in a meaningful way to our household. Yet, to be honest, none of these thankful things are new to 2018 either. When I look back over the last few years, I firmly believe I live in a nearly perpetual place of gratitude for the family we have become.
Balance – This might just be the word I need to focus on this year. I suck at balance. As in really suck at it. Just scanning through my blog there are so many post about my struggle with balance. I struggle with over committing myself (and my family). I struggle with my personal commitments to fitness (way behind on that right now), work (always feeling like I’m behind), family (always wishing I had more time) and house (does it matter if my house falls into a state of disrepair because I don’t have energy to constantly pick up crap). And let’s not forget about fitting in time for basic self-care (asides from writing, which is usually squeezed in between work projects, I’m doing nothing for me. Reading, a passion of mine, is just not happening. And, don’t even ask about my state of my nails or my eyebrows, it’s embarrassing) and time with friends is almost non-existent. Most days I feel like I’m being pulled in 1000 directions and short changing everything I do.
The problem I have with the word balance, is that no matter what type of promise I make to myself to do better in achieving balance, I fall flat each and every time. I suspect this has to do with my perfectionist nature, so no matter how great I do, it just doesn’t feel good enough to me. And so, I think I have to be realistic with this word. Balance represents some sort of an abstract, unachievable thing to me. I desperately want it, but I don’t think I’ll ever achieve it.
So maybe the right word for 2018 is simply calm. Seeking and embracing moments of calm. No matter how small, or how big.
What’s your word?
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