Craptastic
I am pretty sure I should write a New Year post – something along the lines of so long 2017 and hello 2018. I’ll get there, eventually, but not today. Today I am simply not in a reflective or optimistic state of mind.
So, instead, I’m going to lay my mommy heart bare for the world to see.
You see, for about a month now I’ve been feeling like a rather crappy mom. My energy low. My patience has been thin, at best. If I’m not working, I’m just surviving – scratch that, I really am just surviving both in work and in my personal life..
We knew November/December was going to be tough as we balanced too many commitments. We survived. Things were tolerable, heck, we even had some good moments.
But while the crazy was happening, somehow Little MPB developed a massive attachment to Mr. MPB. As in, he never wanted me, for anything. He wanted Mr. MPB to read to him, to play with him, to tickle him, to eat dinner with him, etc. Any attempts I made to be involved in any activities outside of bedtime, resulted in Little MPB saying No Mommy, while most often literally pushing me away. So, while Mr. MPB took on the role of do-everything-fun-with-toddler, I took on the role of do-everything-not-fun-in-the-house. I cooked (which I rarely do). I cleaned. I did laundry (which is normal). I did all the grocery shopping, including all the Christmas meal shopping and last minute Christmas gift buying. I did all the Christmas present wrapping. Basically, in order for Mr. MPB to do all the fun things, I did all the not fun thing. Throw in a vasectomy a few days before Christmas and I literally kept the house running for a few days with a toddler who wanted nothing to do with me while Mr. MPB was on mandatory couch rest and could not be a toddler jungle-gym.
Sure, Mr. MPB tried to include me when he could, but Little MPB simply wanted his Daddy and not me. For lack of a better expression, I was caste aside.
And at times Mr. MPB was super annoyed that I wasn’t more involved during play times – as if I didn’t want to be or something. While I’m sure he’d disagree with that statement, that’s how it felt to me. Which meant it also felt like Mr. MPB was annoyed that Little MPB is fully and completely in-love with him – yup, I definitely got a bit jealous and resentful and eventually stopped really trying to hide it. So, I’m pretty sure I’ve been less then fun to live with while I’ve been playing the role of do-everything-not-fun-in-the-house.
And then, we got the bright idea to try potty training Little MPB over the new years long weekend when we were stuck inside for multiple consecutive days due to multi-day extreme cold warning (-30C, and -42C with windchill). (Potty training deserves an entire post (or two or three) on it’s own – coming soon). I simply didn’t have the patience required, I checked out of the process 
and was ready to give up before day 1 was even done. Heck, I think on Instagram my comment to a few others was along the lines of don’t even bother, just send them to college in diapers and I was only half joking. I have been the worst participant in our potty training experience thus far – Mr. MPB is far more patient then I am (as per the norm), and even Little MPB is doing better then me. And since I was failing miserably at potty training, literal sh*t picker-upper was added to my list of do-everything-not-fun-in-the-house.
Needless to say, the last few days have essentially kicked me when I was already down.
And so today, I feel rather craptastic about everything, but mostly I feel like the world’s worst mom.
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The parent preference thing sucks so badly. I’m sorry you are having to go through that (on top of all the holiday extra stuff and busy-ness). My older daughter went through a phase where my husband was her absolute favorite and she’d refuse to let me play with her, hold her, etc. Apparently, from what I read, it’s a pretty normal developmental thing, but oh, it is awful for the parent who is out of favor! I remember vividly how much of a huge failure I felt – I so, so hear you on this one and hope that things improve soon.
And potty training…ugh. I am so with you on having the “we’ll just send them to college in diapers” thought.
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Thank you for this – I needed some encouragement!
Let’s hope our kids don’t start the diapers in college trend!
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I don’t really have anything to add, though I’ve heard the preference thing is common. Hope the phase passes quickly. I can relate to the short patience thing. I’m tired all the time and usually hungry which has put me in not great moods. I’m working on it, but it’s really hard at times, and I’m probably harder on myself than I should be. Hang in there.
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I think you have excellent reason to be tired and hungry! 🙂
And yes, you probably are harder on yourself then you should. Sort of like me….
So much love to you my friend.
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Parenting is so hard. I don’t know a single Mom who hasn’t had days, weeks and months feeling like the worst mom ever. Be kinder to yourself – sometimes, you just do what you need to do to get by and that’s OK. Little MPB will not remember this…and you are always harder on yourself: so I think you’re probably doing way better than you’re giving yourself credit for.
Ditch the potty training…it will come when it comes and he will (most likely) NOT be wearing diapers to college. 🙂 Of my three nephews, only 1 was potty trained under 3 despite all the judgement my sisters received from everyone about how 3 is too old to be in a diaper: but the boys weren’t ready. Now they are all successfully potty trained and relatively hygienic (they are only 4,5 and 9, so not totally hygienic but they don’t shit/piss themselves so that counts for something!).
As for Little MPB preferring his Daddy – I wish there was something to say to make that sting less. I watched it happen with all three of my nephews through one phase or another…and all I can offer is that it IS a phase, and it will pass.
Sending you lots of love on this craptastic day!
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You are not the first person to remind me that Little MPB wont remember this – in fact, I’m probably the one more traumatized at the moment then he is! Of course, knowing that doesn’t help at all.
As for diapers to college – Mr. MPB is fully dedicated to the potty training effort, so I suspect you are right. 🙂
Once again, thank you so much for your support, love and encouragement.
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Always!! ❤
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Ugh I’m so sorry. The preference phase thing happened over here where my son only wanted me not my husband and it sucks for everyone. I was drained and he was offended. It is super normal but crappy. My husband actually read a few tips and one was to play very loudly and animatedly wherever my son and I were and just wait for him to join. Taking the pressure of the kid (they can feel the energy) and just showing your readiness to play seemed to help in moments when my husband really wanted the interaction but we just had to wait for the phase to pass. Now the two of them are inseparable. Now for my last point: being a Mom to an active toddler boy is SO HARD. It is draining and exhausting because you have to teach them crucial life things (sharing/ not pooping in a diaper) that are just no fun and all about a power struggle. I promise this phase will feel forever but be over soon. I found that closer to 3 was such a better experience if I am being honest. The age of 2 for my son had precious moments of course but I do not want to relive that age. Sending all my love.
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Thank you my friend. Your encouragement always means the world to me.
I love the play loud and animated approach – we’ve tried that and sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn’t. Truly, I know it’s a phase, and I know it will pass, I’m just hoping it passes soon! 🙂
And yes, 2 year olds have precious moments but they are called the terrible twos for a reason and they have epic temper tantrums, minds of their own and ridiculous (albeit sometimes funny) demands. I get that this phase is necessary in life, but gosh are some of the moments hard.
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Ouch. What a way to start the new year! The dramatic parent preference sounds miserable. I think Little MPB is a month or two older than S, so when I see your posts about the issues you’re facing I always figure you’re giving me a sneak peak of the joys that will come our way very soon! And you’re brave for trying potty training. I am just sitting here pretending it’s not a thing — silver lining to having a slightly speech-delayed kid who can’t yet reliably communicate his needs? Hang in there, mama! Here’s hoping this particularly crummy phase passes soon!
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I know lots of people say we are trying to potty train too young. And we’ve also had a lot of people tell us he’s ready. And to be honest, I know he knows that he understands. But here’s what I truly think about potty training – it sucks!!! I’d love to be more optimistic, but at the moment I wouldn’t bother trying at this age so I encourage you to continue pretending it’s not a thing! 🙂
Also, as for speech – something just clicked in his brain in the last month, and he repeats EVERYTHING nearly perfectly and he can now talk in short sentences. So maybe the same is going to happen for your little one soon?
And lastly, the parent preference thing sucks. I wont even try to sugar coat that one. I hope your family gets to skip this, but if not, I hope you are the favourite (not to be mean to your husband, but I know you not him, so I hope you get to be on the good side of being the favourite). 🙂
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The preferring one parent over the other thing is totally normal, although I am sure it can be hurtful to be told “No Mommy” and literally pushed aside. In my experience, it passes on its own if no one makes a big deal about it.
No advice to offer on the potty training. Not fun, but it will eventually be mastered by Little MPB, even though it may feel at times that he will wear diapers to high school graduation — ha! We tried to train our sons at 30 months, and it was a dismal failure. They finally “got it” closer to their 3rd birthday. The range of “normal” is pretty broad for this milestone.
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Aww I’m sorry. That’s tough. C is that way with me…there are times she wants nothing to do with B, and I know it really bugs him sometimes.
That being said…I’ve heard many parent friends tell me that kids go through phases of which parent they prefer. Hopefully this phase for little won’t last too long, and he’ll want his mommy all to himself again soon!! *hugs*
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Aww, sorry you’re having a tough time. I have no experience to offer other than I remember having changing parental preferences as a child, and my mum would always get really upset if she thought I preferred my dad. But really I loved them both, just in different ways… but sometimes the expectation / need from mum was greater so that sort of put me off. If that makes sense? I hope little guy feels better soon, especially with the potty training!
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potty training –
We make a bigger deal out of it than it really is. Most boys are slow, and if they are an only child it is really slow. They get the hang of it by the time they are 2.5 yrs and by 3 **all** kids are almost there. Esp since yoy send him to daycare, id say dont even bother doing it alone. Daycares are experts at potty training. Get them onboard to start training as well at the sametime. Also, one thing I observed with G, around 20 months he would hide while pooping, but he learnt he has to say he needs to poop only by 28 months. Once be figures that out, he was trained in 1 week (both day and night time).
And last, never express your frustration to your kid wrt potty training, eg when accidents happen.
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This is true. Daycare will let you know when they’re working with him on potty training, and they will start when they can tell that he’s interested. All old my friends kids were taught by the daycare…. I was so jealous. If he’s not fully trained when he goes to daycare, they could really mess it up if they’re not doing it the way you doing it. Is he even 2 yet? Good luck… when they’re ready, it’s VERY easy. When they’re not ready, it’s MISERABLE (I had one of each).
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And yes, how silly of me, Am sorry about the favoritism, it sucks but exists. Both my boys need daddy and sometimes daddy is pissed off because mom is binge watching on netflix while daddy is solo parenting.
Happy new Year :))
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Sorry to hear you aren’t feeling the best. But try not to stress too much about it. I’m pretty sure we all feel like crappy, less-than mothers at some point (I know I do). And I’m with you on wafer-thin patience- it definitely reaches a peak around holidays for me. My thoughts here are that you feeling maybe a little run down “crappy” as a mom means you are doing better than you think. Just take the time you need to refresh yourself.
And I’m in the same boat with potty training. My son is a couple months over two, and we’ve been trying (casually) to potty train for about six months. Clearly, I had high hopes! Don’t stress too much about it. I think it happens when it happens and the best you can do is to keep reinforcing the potty. I’ve had to wash the same rug three times in the past couple of months because it’s literally where crap hits the floor!
And I’m on the opposite end of the parent preference than you, and I feel for you. My son does the same thing to my husband “Go away, Daddy” and literally pushes him away or wipes a kiss from his cheek. It hurts me to see that. But I know my son loves my husband just as much as he does me, he just has a preference at the moment. And I’m happy to see so many other commenters say it’s just a phase toddlers go through.
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Have you read, “oh crap! Potty training”? That book saved our lives with my youngest son… Worked like magic after everything else failed.
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It is so hard when they want nothing to do you with you. For a few weeks E wanted nothing to do with me, she would cry and reach for her daddy anytime I tried to hold her. We didn’t push it and she seems happier with me now but it was heart breaking at the time.
Good luck with the potty training, I know the daycare lady is much better at it than I am.
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Ouch. You poor thing. Holly went right off Max over Xmas for some weird reason so I have seen this in action. She has come around now thank goodness so I hope the same happens for you soon. It doesn’t sound like things have been that much fun with all the not fun house stuff and shit picking up. Ugh. I hope lots of fun comes your way soooooon x
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PS you are an awesome mama. Don’t forget it.
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I am so glad Holly has come around! I hope Little MPB does too, and sooner rather then later!
And thank you so much for your kind words. I so appreciate them.
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Luke is going through the parent preference thing. I was thinking it may have something to do with gender identity at this age. Also, I second potty training being easier when little MPB is ready. I never in a million years thought Luke would be potty trained before 2 but he was showing me he was ready so I jumped on it. If you really think he’s ready stick with it. I promise it gets easier but it does take time (and lots of cleaning supplies and alcohol).
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Thank you from the bottom of my heart for this. I just keep thinking Little MPB gets it, so why doesn’t he actually do it?! Time….let’s hope time makes the difference!
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Oh my friend. I am so sorry. Charlotte is going through a preference for me right now, leaving Catch totally in your shoes. She routinely tells Catch to go away, refuses to show her any affection–Catch has been crushed. It has been HARD. I feel so awful about it. I really needed to read this post today! (I might make her read it, too!) Fingers crossed it blows over quickly in both our households!
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Oh my friend, I am so sorry Catch understands what I’m going through. Please let her know she is not alone in feeling crushed.
Honestly, I’m at the point where I feel like saying F* it, and just drinking wine and watching TV while letting Mr. MPB do all the fun stuff and all the not so fun household crap. (that wont be a long term working strategy, but I really do like the thought of taking a few days to just enjoy myself if Little MPB doesn’t want me around anyways).
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2 year olds are a breed of their own. I look after 3 of them a few days a week. (grandbubbas) one in particular shows het preference to her poppy and it hurts as I get to do the hard stuff with her. As for toilet training they will get it when they are ready. The girl at 29 months trained herself overnight. The boys at 29 and 30 months are not ready so it’s not happening for them yet.
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Just want to send hugs ❤❤
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Oh my dear that really is craptastic 😔 I picked up the book ‘the shit no one tells you about toddlers’ this weekend and it has the section about this – ‘toddlers will have their parent preference and it won’t be you’. So it’s apparently one of those crappy normal things, I’m sorry that happened at a bad time too! Hope your new year starts on an upward trend out of the crap- happy new year to you all X
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I have nothing new to add – you’re an amazing parent, and yes, fluctuating parent preference is something I hear about from all my parent friends. We haven’t tried potty training yet, but I can see myself getting impatient with it really fast… You are doing a great job, doing what moms do. We do the crap work and feel guilty that we’re not good enough. I hope things start looking up for you as 2018 progresses.
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I remember those days. I promise you there will come a day when you look back–with a large glass of wine in your hand–and wonder why the hell you added potty training to a shitty week:). And I mean that in the very best way. You will come through this–and hopefully with sense of humor intact!
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I’m not the preferred parent and I LOVE IT!!!!! Ha ha ha! Maybe it’s because I’m home all day with the kids but when they both beg to play with Daddy, or sit next to Daddy, or stay home with DADDY… I do a little happy dance. 😂. Daddy loves being the preferred parent so it works out.
I had the easy-to-potty-train kid and the nightmare-to-potty-train kid. There is a book, “oh crap – potty training!” and everyone suggested it to me for Bryson. “Oh no, we’ve got this,” I’d say. I was wrong. I got the book, read the first 7 chapters before acting on it, and then dove in. It worked almost instantly AND he has NEVER needed pull-ups at bedtime or had a bed accident, and he was trained before he was 3 (so going on 2 years with NOT ONE bedtime accident). Matthew trained easily in two days (also before he was 3 – we trained them both at the exact same age (birthdays are back-to-back)) but wore (and usually used) pull-ups at night for a year and a half. He still had little trickle accidents here and there until he turned 6. This could all be coincidence (the bedtime thing) but given how Bryson did with that book, I wish we’d read and used it for Matthew just to have avoided the bedtime issues.
Get the book if you can!! I’ve passed it on to 4 friends already and it was the silver bullet every time.
Good luck! Once it’s done, it will all be worth it!
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I’m quite late to this post but A went through I want Daddy phase too. I was quite a bit jealous myself. Of course, now that she’s a whiny, grumpy toddler, I wish she’d pick him a little more to deal with her attitude. I’ve got underwear for Annabelle but she’s only willing sat down on the potty once (fully clothed, lol).
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