Terrible Twos?
Little MPB is a rather relaxed and chill kid. He wakes up happy 99% of the time. He is fully of smiles and giggles. Truthfully he’s rarely grouchy.
In fact, daycare has nicknamed him Mr. Mellow. And his grandparents joke that he is so relaxed simply because the world decided that someone needed to teach Mr. MPB and I how to actually relax and slow down.
Anyways, something has happened to Little MPB. For the last few weeks he’s been some sort of grouchy, demanding, crazy child. He has mastered to word no. In fact when he doesn’t wake up saying Marshall, Marshall, Marshall he wakes up saying No, No, No. We had assumed he was just a bit off from battling illness after illness and not sleeping quite as well as he’s used to.
But, then last night happened.
Last night, Little MPB cried when we came home from daycare. He cried when he was playing with his favourite toys. He screamed when I came into the room (cue broken mommy heart). He threw his body onto the floor screaming when we wouldn’t turn on the TV to watch Paw Patrol. He cried alligator sized tears and shouted No, No, No when we tried to eat dinner. Between sobs, he masterfully threw his dinner everywhere, one piece at a time (eventually we ‘compromised’ and he ate his 5th straight meal of pancakes while playing). He cried when we got to the end of this favourite book, and only stopped when we flipped back a few pages and started over. Changing his diaper resulted in a complete meltdown. He also mastered hitting, which meant I was essentially beat up by a toddler.
Basically he cried, screamed, hit and sobbed all evening long.
Seriously, every 2 minutes he had a complete breakdown over the most mundane things.
Mr. MPB and I are wondering if we are seeing our first real dose of the terrible twos?
Parenting tips to help Little MPB (and Mr. MPB and I) through this are very much appreciated!
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My Perfect Breakdown 
I have no clue what I’m talking about but I have always heard that kids act the worse with their parents. (This is true for Luke). I think that’s because they feel safe with us and while away they may be holding in things that upset them but don’t feel like they have an outlet to release their frustrations.
We are in full blown terrible twos over here. Everything is a challenge. Everything. It’s not fun and I honestly have no patience for it and it’s really hard to deal with. Beer helps. I have found giving Luke some control (picking out his book, giving options of clothes, etc) helps. I have also found it’s easier for me to try to avoid what’s going to set him off rather than deal with a tantrum.
Good luck!
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Around 2 (more like 20-22 months), kids have a massive brain growth spurt with language when they want to express their emotions, but don’t have words to do so. And that causes meltdowns.
Each time he has a meltdown, sit down with him and put a name to the emotion he is feeling and empathize saying that yes you understand he is upset/ sad/ angry/tired/hungry etc etc .. and see how he changes his behavior right away. Its because he is feeling new emotions alien to him and he doesn’t know how to handle them.
Terrible twos are worse for kids than us, because imagine not being able to express such a monumental change you are growing through. The block you saw yesterday suddenly looks different today, you are able to identify it is different from the other block in your hand but you don’t know how to say! Basically you went to sleep and the world you knew changed!
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I felt like reading The Happiest Toddler on the Block was helpful at that age.
A little solidarity: E was a hitter at 2 (and well beyond) but one time we took her to the grocery store when she was overtired and she started taking energy shots and throwing them, so I picked her up and she three stooged me – pulled my ponytail, put her fingers in my eye and thumb up my nose!
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Oh yeah. You totally just described Linnea TO A T right now! We’ve been blaming it on constipation, but I’m pretty sure it’s as much or more about development. I’m going to look up our 16-18 month Your Growing Child now for suggestions.
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We are right in the throes of similar situations to you, minus the hitting. But I’m sure that is coming soon. We have found that the trend of “time ins” has worked well for us. Usually it’s my husband who will take H to another room and close the door while they talk about why he is upset and my husband teaching him that he is allowed to express his feelings and that’s ok, but after a bit of time he needs to talk about it or at least show us what is upsetting him when he gets so worked up. So far it has worked. It hasn’t stopped the tantrums, because I think those are just part of what happens at their age, but it has helped everyone calm down when they happen. If my husband isn’t home then usually I will sit down with H and chat with him about it too. We have had days where everything, and i mean EVERYTHING has caused him to flip out and throw a tantrum over. Those days are exhausting, but thankfully they won’t happen every day. I like to think that we are just getting practice for when they become “threenagers” which is apparently a lot more challenging! Keep plugging along. It’s tough, but you guys will get through it! And…sometimes…it’s ok to just let him flip out for a few moments while you take a few big deep breaths before dealing with him.
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I thought the “terrible twos” started earlier than 24 months for our sons and agree with what some others have said about this likely being a part of his development. I found Janet Lansbury to be a wonderful resource in the toddler years: http://www.janetlansbury.com/
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Yes he sounds like he is RIGHT ON TRACK developmentally. My daughter (2 yr 5 mo) as well. It’s not easy. I don’t have much to add that hasn’t been said already. I also get down on her level and make eye contact and name her emotions for her. I have compassion for them, even if they don’t make sense and I’m not budging on whatever rule I made that set her off. I tend to get my voice calmer and quieter, the louder and more hysterical she gets. I ask her to take a deep breath with me while we both calm down. And above all else, I don’t take it personally. She saves her biggest meltdowns for me and her dad because she’s closest to us, and we’re the least likely people to abandon her. Solidarity!
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It is so rough but like a great comment above it is worse for him so keep this in mind. Make sure you always stay calm (so hard- I would walk into another room and scream into a pillow). Don’t think of it as terrible twos think of it as learning the boundaries phase. He is learning what he can and can’t do and also feeling so much emotion he can’t articulate. A few lessons from when I went through it:
1. No matter how hard don’t cave on important stuff (behaviors that aren’t safe and not nice) but let small stuff go when it makes sense. Pick your battles
2. Just calmly talk him through why he can’t have another show or more chocolate or whatever then let him scream a little on his own. Tell him you are here when he is ready to be calm. Give him a little time then check in on him every bit to see if he is ready for a hug. It is so important not to reward these tantrums with too much attention but of course let him know you are nearby.
3. Just know this phase will end at some point and just get through it.
Sending love
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No parenting advice here but thought you might want to check out http://www.assholeparents.com if you’re in need of some comfort /levity to the situation. Hope it helps bring a smile to your face during what I’m sure will become some trying times…
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I have learned a lot from all the comments! Thank you guys! And it also helps to know we aren’t alone!
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So helpful to know that we aren’t alone in this! It actually amazes me to see Little MPB this upset – it’s so out of character for him. It breaks my heart.
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Little Miss A has started tantrums too when she doesn’t get what she wants. She’s too little to discuss emotions at this point so I just say, no, I’m sorry we can’t climb on that, be on the counter, etc. and try to redirect her. If the tantrum continues, I ignore it.
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Ugh, I hope it was just an isolated thing. Maybe a developmental leap? My now 3 year old has always been pretty mellow, too, but would go through some rough phases when learning new things or going through a growth spurt. She didn’t have a “terrible twos” phase, really, just a few clusters of being “off”. Hopefully, that’s the case here.
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