USA Travel Conundrum
We had planned to go to the USA at some point this summer. The purpose of the visit would be to visit our son’s birth mom and his new sibling. It is a very important trip, as we want to foster a relationship between all of us.
But we are second guessing our decision now, simply because Trump got elected and the country appears to be changing almost over night.
The first problem we have with a trip to the USA right now is that Mr. MPB and I have a fundamental philosophy in life that we do not spend our travel dollars in countries that we do not support equality – this is a long standing position of ours and we choose destinations based in part on knowing that we are spending our money in a way that we are comfortable spending it because in our minds, one of the key ways to influence the world is to choose how we spend our money because money speaks. And, based on the recent media reports, I’m pretty sure the current political climate in the USA is not one of equality. This simply isn’t a political system that we want to support.
The second problem is the changes happening regarding travel into and out of the USA. First, it is our understanding that USA citizens with Canadian residency may be prevented from leaving the USA – I have no idea how or why, but we’ve been told this by multiple people in the “know”. And, our son is floating in some sort of no-man’s land in regard to his Canadian status – he is not a Canadian resident, he is not a refugee, nor is he a Canadian citizen (yet). So, if there is a potential that he could be prevented from leaving the USA that would put our family in quite a pickle since we live and work in Canada. We have been advised just to avoid going to the USA until Little MPB is a Canadian citizen. And his Canadian citizenship will probably take about another year.
So, what do we do? If it weren’t for our son and his birth family being located in the USA, we simply wouldn’t visit right now. The decision would actually be really easy. But, of course, that’s not our reality – we know we want to foster this relationship, we truly believe it is important to everyone involved in our son’s life, mostly our son. So, do we put aside our political issue? Do we risk possible problems at immigration and just go? Or do we put off our visit for another year? Or do we wait until the next election and see if things change before going?
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This is very simple to me. Do you set aside your political opinions for your child to see his birth family? Absolutely. It’s not his or their fault that the idiots here elected Trump. You can’t wait 4 years to let your child know his birth parents. Now – do you risk the travel restriction issue, possibly getting stuck in the US? Absolutely NOT. I don’t trust our policies and officials here enough to be fair or get things right at the borders. I would talk to people who REALLY know (lawyers, local politicians?) to hear what they say. Bringing your son across our border while his citizenship is being sorted out makes me nervous for you.
Good luck.
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It sounds like you and I are in the same line of thinking. I cannot see us waiting 4 years, and honestly who knows what will happen in 4 years, as much as I hate to say it things may not get better.
As for travelling now we’ve talked to people in the international adoption world and canadian immigration. According to these folks there is a legitimate risk of getting stuck, so at this point in time we are leaning towards waiting to visit once his canadian immigration is finished.
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I’m already worried about 4 years from now…. This reality is very hard for me to accept.
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I meant birth FAMILY, not parents!
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I agree with Courtney. You shouldn’t let politics get in the way of an important relationship…but you also shouldn’t put your family at risk of being stuck trying to get home. Who knows what this idiot is going to do or change day to day. So many of us are hoping that he will not last the whole 4 years, but who’s to say that Pence will be any better? It’s horrifying that we are living in this situation right now, and a complete embarrassment. I hope things get better, not only for us, but so that the rest of the world can stop being afraid of what is happening here as well.
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IMHO, totally not worth travelling to USA for anything right now. Legit Canadian Citizens have been stopped at the border from entering. They have separated a nursing baby from his mother for 5 hours, without thought for how that child will starve for 5 hours, I don’t expect anything positive from the border officers.
In any case, Little MPB is still too little to really know and acknowledge this part of his family.Kids need to meet often to register the other person, so perhaps skype is a better option..
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http://www.scarymommy.com/immigration-ban-separates-breastfeeding-11-month-old-from-mother-for-hours-at-airport/
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Wow, I hadn’t heard of this story. So upsetting that this could happen.
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It’s amazing hearing the problems that so many Canadians are having crossing the boarder!! We seem to be hearing these stories all the time, so I’m guessing it’s a bigger news story on this side of the boarder then it is in the USA?
And this clearly has the potential to directly impact our family since our son is floating around in this no-man’s land as a Canadian right now. I do think he’d get into the USA without too much problem since he is an American citizen, it’s the fear of getting back to Canada. So, risking this right now just doesn’t make sense.
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it is bigger here, there were days we could cross over with just a drivers license. Not any more. Now its more to prove that not only am I Canadian, my grandparents were too and yes we are white. Sad.. Because that is not the reality with maybe at least 20% of us.
This level of profiling and hatred that we see is scary. I am worried for the day it will spill over to Canada. After all being an idiot doesn’t require any qualification.
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It’s probably too much of a hardship for the birth mom, but *just* in case it isn’t – what about paying for a ticket for her and her son to come visit you guys? I guess the other hurdle would be that passports are now required to visit Canada.
I’m sorry our country has been taken over by right-wing fascists. It’s kind of terrifying, honestly.
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We have thought about that, and we do hope one day to be able to bring here to our city and home so that she can see our home and meet our extended family (assume she’d want to). But I don’t think that’s something we can do right now, eventually though. 🙂
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I would honestly put my political feelings aside for family (I don’t say that lightly, as I share your feelings on that issue). However, I don’t think I would chance the visit at this time, given all the mess with immigration and travel going on here and your son’s semi-limbo state with respect to his citizenship.
It’s a shame that this should be an issue between our two countries. It is what it is for now, though, so I would err on the side of caution.
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Your line of thinking is very much where our minds are. We will suck it up and go but only once our son is a full Canadian Citizen and has the Canadian government to support him if needed.
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I can totally understand your concerns about traveling and things that may be worrisome about crossing the border. I would never subject my child to traveling anywhere that I was concerned for his safety or mine. However I think letting Trump’s administration become representative of the “equality” in America is an unfortunate mistake. While he was elected he does not represent all Americans just as no leader represents all views of their country. I think it’s better not to judge America on the last month but what we have stood for for decades and what anyone would hope to teach their children.
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I do agree with your sentiment about not judging the entire country on the last few months. We have many friends and family in the USA, yourself included, who are wonderful people. And we do realize that the current President isn’t a reflection of all of the USA. And we do hope to visit the USA again to visit those friends and family and Disneyland, because seriously, Disneyland with a Little MPB would be so much fun!
However, the chaos at the border that our family may now be subjected to is entirely new based on recent political decisions – that’s the part that scares us. The potential to be told that they wont Little MPB (and therefore our family because clearly we wont be leaving Little MPB) cross the border to come back home to Canada, truly scares us. Logic says that’s unlikely to happen, but logic isn’t governing these decisions right now.
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And I totally agree with that and can truly understand why that might hold you back regardless of what you wish for little MPB. I can’t even imagine having to be separated from my child due to some BS misunderstanding or rules that no one is entirely sure about. And yes if only logic was what individuals in our federal government used I would hope we wouldn’t even be worrying about this.
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What I’ll say about our current climate is that these people have always been here….they’ve just finally come out of the woodwork. We’re fighting it like hell though. The dems are fired up. Try not to give up on hope for us. We need support from our allies and I desperately hope that the international community can see how hard we’re fighting this regime.
That being said, you have to protect your child and do what you think is beat.
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Honestly friend, this ADMINISTRATION doesn’t even know what the eff they are doing! It totally blows, but Skype and facetime might be the best option for now, until they start sorting out what happens! So dumb!!! Hopefully it wont be 4 full years of this nonsense!
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Have you thought of inviting his mum and a sibling over? So, the money you planned to spend there will be left in Canada and your son will still get to know his birth family. You can put them into a hotel if you dont feel comfortable to let them stay with you.
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This is something we want to do one day, but probably not right now in large part because the age of her child – travelling with such a young child would not be much fun for her.
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I just saw that someone else had suggested the same. I usually comment before reading any comments.
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Regarding your first problem, please bear in mind that not all states voted for Trump! My home state, for instance, voted overwhelmingly for Clinton and is very blue/liberal/supportive of equal rights. I am very proud of that as I am displeased and upset with the direction Trump is going. Bluntly, I cannot stand him. Anyway, In the end the states should “trump” (pardon the pun ;)) federal law.
As for the second problem, I don’t know much about it. But everything going on is just horrifying. Ugh. Kind people llike you are considering not even visiting our country – that scares me.
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Nope nope nope. We had a trip planned for Feb and cancelled it for three reasons. One we’re queer and it seemed initially that he might go after queer families next plus all the repealing of bathroom laws meant I wasn’t going to chance Cade being anywhere near there. Two I’m an immigrant, a legal Canadian citizen now and not a person of color but I was still terrified as his administration has randomly targeted Canadians and refused them entry or had them held for long periods. Three things were and are changing so fast I would never forgive myself if something happened and we got trapped in the midst of it.
I get the importance of this trip but it’s just so uncertain I wouldn’t chance it
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I read this post and I’ve been reading the comments all day, and all I can say is. I had no idea about the Canadian travel issues. Of course, I live in Dallas, so most of our news is about the refugees from the 7 banned countries more so than Canada because we have an international hub here in D-town and we are so far south that we would likely have more refugee/immigrants coming from the Middle East and Europe instead of Canada. And with so much news to intake, this just didn’t show up on my radar until this post.
In addition to that, there is a lot of fake news floating around on both sides of the aisle (the liberal and progressive sides). So, my knee jerk reaction now is to hesitate all information as factual until I have seen documentation, so it slows my response time.
That said, the link to the story above, my friend was at that airport protesting when the child was taken from her mother. I say that to say I can verify that story. It really happened, but I don’t know much more of the story than what is written in that article.
I don’t know if that would happen to you, but my concern popped up when you mentioned that his visa/passport status hasn’t been resolved yet. That would definitely make me hesitate going outside of any country, but especially when immigration is stretched so thin right now with all of the confusion that already exists.
I am neither republican or democrat, but I do see Trump as a symptom of a much larger and more dangerous issue that is the polarization of this country. The two sides don’t talk, don’t compromise, and even see things with completely different truths. And if you can’t agree on what is true and what isn’t, the conversation is moot.
I hope you will feel comfortable some day coming to America (you are always welcome here in Dallas!). I hope conversations can begin because if we continue the infighting and refusal to listen, we are going to see more problems coming in the future.
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I wouldn’t risk it if I were you. Is there any possibility of getting them to you? Instead of paying your travel costs, pay to have them come to you?
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As an American, I can share that the majority of our citizens do not support trump. He did not win the popular vote and he does not reflect the values I, nor most citizens I know, uphold. That said, I totally respect and support your decision. He is ruining our country day by day, tweet by tweet.
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You (and many others) have made a very good point about how the majority do not support these new policies. Which just makes the whole situation even worse….
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