Baby MPB is Officially a Big Brother
Baby MPB is officially a big brother. Wow, is that ever weird as we have not met the new baby yet!
And, more then anything, I think this points straight to the complexities of being a family built through open adoption. Our family of three is simply not a typical family of three. Baby MPB has so much more extended family then most and we are all brought together because of this one child who we are all trying to do the best for.
Personally, I’m thrilled that the baby has arrived and both mom and baby are doing well. Yet, I also have mixed feelings. I have feelings about fertile people being so fertile while, clearly I am not and will never be thanks to my broken uterus. Some days it just seems unfair, yet I know that’s not a fair statement in this circumstance. I am also very glad we met this new baby’s father when Baby MPB was born, he seemed like a very nice guy and he seemed to treat Baby MPB’s birth mom well. And so, above anything else, I am excited for her and her partner, and so hopeful that everything will work out for their little family.
Yet, even though there are no negative indications, I remain fearful that it wont all work out. I’m afraid of seeing her get hurt and I just hope with every ounce of my being that she doesn’t. (I realize I have protective feelings when it comes to Baby MPB’s birth mom, I have no idea if this is normal/common).
And more then anything, as I’ve been thinking about this, I realize my personal feelings don’t matter at all in this situation no do Mr. MPB’S feelings. What matters is Baby MPB. Doing what is best for Baby MPB is my number 1 priority in life (and Mr. MPB’s first priority too). And for us, that means making sure Baby MPB has knowledge of his sibling. And hopefully, even a relationship with his sibling. As they are remarkably close in age, we kind of think there is a chance that they could be friends years from now. And, if nothing else we think they should have the chance to maybe be friends. Which means that so long as new baby’s parents are in agreement, Mr. MPB and I will make an effort to make sure the kids know each other. So, we have already committed to visiting both Baby MPB’s birth mother, his sibling and more extended family.
We always knew we’d visit Baby MPB’s birth mother again, but we never had a date or timeline for a visit. But, now that Baby MPB has a little sibling, it makes us feel the need to visit sooner rather then later. So, I’m now watching for flight deals to find a good time for a visit.
Do I know what this visit might look like? Nope, not in the least! In fact, I have absolutely no idea what our first visit will be like!! And that’s an intimidating thought! Thinking about our first potential visit reminds me of how nervous we were the very first time we talked to Baby MPB’s birth mother on the phone! Yet, now we know her, and we all share a deep love for Baby MPB, so I’m pretty sure it will be just fine when we do actually meet again.
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I’m so glad that Baby MPB’s sibling is here safely, and that you are planning on helping Baby MPB to develop a relationship with his new family member. My cousin, who was adopted at birth, has a really positive relationship with her (older) birth siblings who were raised by her birth mom. They have been a positive force in her life, even when her relationship with her birth mom was complicated, and I hope that the same will be true for Baby MPB!
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Thanks so much for sharing your cousin’s experience!! It sounds like this is exactly like the relationship we are trying to foster for Baby MPB. 🙂
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Happy to hear all are well. I think it’s amazing you want baby MPB to meet and know how his sibling. He’s so lucky to have you as his mom!
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Thanks so much. I have to say, I’m pretty sure I’m the lucky one. 🙂
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You have made a complex situation much more simple by putting baby MPB at the center. You are a beautiful person and amazing Mom!
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Awe, thanks. 🙂 I have to say, we are firm believers that only good can come from so many people loving Baby MPB, so we just think about us being one big family where everyone loves and cares for him.
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We just did our first visit a week ago, Sunday, with A’s birth mom and she brought her daughter to meet A for the first time. I will hopefully be doing a post on it soon, but it went very well!
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So glad to hear that it went well!!!! ❤❤❤
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I think its wonderful that you are doing it, its beautiful you are making all effort to ensure baby MPB knows that part of his family too..
Schedule a visit after 12 weeks because the postpartum hormones are raging during that time, so ask her if she is ready for a visit and when… baby MPB will not be receptive of her as he is still a baby and she is a stranger, and that might affect her emotions.. just my 2 cents…
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Oh yes, we won’t visit for at least a few months given our own existing plans. Plus our desire to give them their time and space right now since having a new baby is definitly life altering!! 😊
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I’m way late to comment, but I didn’t want this one to pass by. I just want to say that you are setting a really great example for families considering growing their families through open adoption. You have a remarkable outlook on this entire thing, and I know it’s a difficult thing. Your son will do nothing but benefit from your and Mr MPB’s efforts in keeping him connected to his other family. You are very self-less.
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