Problem Solving – Help Needed
So, Mr. MPB and I have a problem. I cannot begin to even figure out how many hours we’ve spent discussing this problem and we have no solution and we need a solution within the next few days.
Before I tell you the problem, let me first state that I realize there are worse problems in the world to have.
The problem is all about sleeping arrangements for guests in our house. Let me explain our house:
- Upstairs – Master Bedroom, Master Bath, Baby MPB’s bedroom, bathroom, future baby #2’s room that is currently a spare bedroom.
- Mainfloor – kitchen, living room, our office (in a typical home this would be an family room).
- Basement – guest room, large living room with big comfortable couches, bathroom.
So, we essentially have 2 guest rooms – one in the quiet and comfortable basement and one directly between Baby MPB’s room and our room that has an old and uncomfortable bed.
And, have to house Mr. MPB’s parents (whom I don’t particularly like after years of being treated poorly by them) and his brother’s family for approximately 5 nights. His brother’s family consists of his brother, his pregnant wife and their 1.5 year old child. Asking anyone to get a hotel room is simply not an option within his family.
Technically we have 2 guests rooms at the moment – upstairs guest room and basement guestroom. But the basic concerns are:
- Mr. MPB’s snoring combined with my newly a quired light sleeling means recently one of us is sleeping in the upstairs guest room at least part of every night. I’m petrified that giving up that room to guests means that I wont sleep. And logic says, me not sleeping while hosting 5 people for 5 nights = disaster.
- Mr. MPB’s parents are known to check on the babies in the middle of the night. If they are sleeping in the room that is between Baby MPB and us, we fully expect that they will “check” on Baby MPB. We’ve spent the last month working unbelievably hard to help Baby MPB learn to sleep through the night, if anyone dares to mess this up, I’ll lose my s!*t on them. Me losing my shit on Mr. MPB’s family = probably not a good idea.
- If we put Mr. MPB’s brother upstairs, the kids may wake each other up during the night if either one of them cries. This could also spell an end to all our sleep training hard work.
The possible solutions that we see right now are:
- Get rid of the bed in the upstairs spare bed so no guest can sleep there. If Mr. MPB is snoring badly, one of us will just sleep on the floor in the spare room. It’s an old bed and it pretty darn uncomfortable, so getting rid of it isn’t the end of the world. But, most nights the uncomfortable bed is better then nothing. This feels slightly ridiculous, but honestly a large part of me thinks it’s the best plan.
- Put them all in the basement. They can figure out who gets the bedroom and who gets the couches. The thought behind this is that it’s our house, we should be comfortable. But, we can guarantee people will fight us on this – we have another guest room why can’t they just use it? We could lie and pretend one of us is sick so we are sleeping in different rooms, but it’s pretty hard to pretend one of us is sick when we are legitimately healthy (at least for the moment).
- We move to the basement and let them sleep in our room, the guest room and their kid can just use Baby MPB’s crib. I’m opposed to this because I think Baby MPB should sleep in his own bed. And, I like my bed, I don’t really want to give it up.
- Put Mr. MPB’s parents in the upstairs room and give the brother and his family the entire basement. The pregnant wife and baby will probably be most comfortable in the basement room. We will have to read his parents the riot act about not opening Baby MPB’s door during the night. Hope for the best and prepared for a massive argument if they choose to wake him up in the middle of the night.
- Put Mr. MPB’s brother’s family in the upstairs guest room and his parents in the basement. It’ll be a tight squeeze for a family to fit in the upstairs room and I suspect it wont be a great bed for a pregnant lady to sleep in. But, at least Mr. MPB’s parents will be in the basement away from us. Of course, this runs the risk of the kids waking each other up throughout the night. and none of the parents will get much sleep.
So, what should we do? Short of getting rid of the upstairs guestroom bed, I’m leaning towards putting Mr. MPB’s parents up there and making it clear they are not to wake up Baby MPB. Mr. MPB on the other hand is leaning towards putting his brother’s family in that room. Needless to say, we cannot seem to agree on a solution.
Help!
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I’d put the parents in the upstairs, your house, your rules about Baby MPB. Family downstairs, the ones with kids deserve to be more comfortable.
Also, is an air mattress a possibility? If so, they could all stay in the basement.
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Also, good luck! It sounds like you are going to be beyond exhausted and stressed. Hope it goes well.
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I was going to mention an air mattress as well. You shouldn’t be uncomfortable in our own home, so throw EVERYONE in the basement, Bro and SIL can bring a pack and play for the kiddo, Grandparents are out of your hair, and baby MPB can sleep on his own bed, everyone is comfortable, and the snoring has an escape. And honestly, the hotel isn’t an option, but ummm, it IS! If they don’t like it, lets be real here…is the relationship that great between all of you that this would really affect anything? Do what’s best for you 3 and everyone else will get in where they fit in…
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Is there any way you could relocate Baby MPB, Mr. MPB, and yourself to the basement for the visit? So Baby MPB in the guestroom and you and your husband in the living room on a mattress. That way your family could be upstairs and out of your and the baby’s hair? I live in a two-bedroom, 400 square-foot apartment and when my MIL visits we put her in our bedroom and sleep in the living room with our babies in the nursery. Not fun, but do-able.
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I’d say brother and family in the basement. As for parents…Can you get a decent air mattress and possibly have them sleep in the office? I realize you will need to work while that are there, but if they are only sleeping in there you could make it a point to be done with work before bed. (This is also an excuse to get you away from them during the day, see how that works!) Then they won’t be near the baby at night at all. Probably not ideal, but just a suggestion. Good luck! B’s family will be here tonight, with our step-nephew and possibly step-niece in tow this time. He’s fine, she’s not. Wish us luck too lol! Happy holidays! 😁😉
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Wow what a headache. I hope all your hard work getting baby MPB to sleep is not ruined! I think I would consider what is more likely to happen: a “check” on baby MPB (after warning them not to) or a crying toddler. Can you ask Mr. MPB’s brother what kind of sleeper he is? If it’s poor, then consider the riot act and the grandparents upstairs. But I think you two and baby MPB deserve to be on your own beds.
There probably is no right answer but hopefully everything works out. Good luck and happy holidays.
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Id put the brother upstairs and the parents in the basement. The pregnant lady honestky will be waking up a lot to pee considering she is newly pregnant so doesnt matter what bed she sleeps on, she aint getting much sleep.
trust me when I say this, A sleeps through all the whining etc G does, but if either me or my husband make a peep, he is wide awake. kids will sleep through other kids noises and in either case, when you have guests home, expect to sleep train again. Their routine does get messed up and to be fair its not forever! A few days here and there dont damage anything! Babies are resilient, they catch up.
Good luck !
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DH and I also end up sleeping separately a lot of nights so at least one of us can get a good night’s sleep. The guest bed that we were using was lousy and we just upgraded it. I know money is tight with all of your adoption costs, but could you upgrade the mattress in the upstairs bedroom? Then you can give that to BIL & SIL and put the parents in the basement. GOOD LUCK!!
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family in basement (even though from the sound of how insensitive they have been I am tempted to tell you to put them in the garage…) and then put an air mattress in the office and tell the parents they can choose which room but explain NO disturbing MPB. If they choose the guest room you can slip away to the air mattress if need be. You are lovely for putting up with all of them.
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Five days?! That alone seems a bit much.. with a ton of expectations that come with visiting?!?
Do what makes you feel best.. safe.. and in control. If that’s everyone in basement- do it. They are in your home.. you set the tone & rules.
Best of luck with it all..
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What about asking them to decide where they would like to stay given the very strict rules and regulations that you make clear up front? Can you get a blow up mattress and sleep in baby mpb if the the snoring gets too rough (I’m assuming here that he will be fast asleep and won’t notice your presence). If he does then the blow up mattress can be moved to the lounge?
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Have you tried a good pair of ear plugs yet? I had a roommate in college that snored, and my ear plugs were a lifesaver. Maybe not a long term solution, but perhaps it would block out enough noise for you to get some sleep? You mentioned that there is an office on the main floor. Could that perhaps be converted into a temporary guest room with an air mattress or the upstairs bed, or is it too open? You could get rid of the bed upstairs or just claim that you have been sleeping next to the baby’s room for “sleep training.” Just a few thoughts. Having family stay is always tricky. We are dealing with the same type of thing at my parents house in a few days.
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I’d put his parents in your room, move to the guest room and his brother and FAM in the basement.
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I’ve been informed I snore, I’m pretty sure it is a lie 😉. So does the dog. So my husband got earplugs. Put them in a jar on his night stand. Our dog fished them out with her tongue. Ate them all. He was not pleased.
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Hahaha! I love that you dog stole them! That’s way too cute!
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I love that I am not the only one that worries about the snoring husband issue with guests! Haha. I vote for air mattress in the office and brother’s family in the basement.
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I agree with you – put the parents upstairs, make the rules known to them, and if they wake him up make it known that it will not be tolerated if they do that a second time!
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Well this is really a tough situation, Do what you feel is best for you and your family. Best of luck to you. Happy Holidays!
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I think it’s best to put bro’s family in the basement and the in-laws in the upstairs guest room with explicit instructions about “checking” on baby. I would be BEYOND pissed if my in-laws checked on Charlotte in the night. LEAVE HER ALONE THAT’S WHAT THE BABY MONITOR IS FOR.
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Can you fit the uncomfortable upstairs bed into the basement living area , temporarily? That way, nobody is on an air mattress, all guests are in the basement, and you’ll have your privacy and comfort upstairs!
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Is there anyway to get an air mattress and sleeping in Baby MPB’s room? That way brothers can be in basement, parents can be upstairs, and you don’t have to worry about them going into baby’s room or having to deal with mr. MPB’s snoring.
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In order to preserve whatever is left of the relationship, you should have them stay in a hotel.
This works best logistically for your nuclear family, and that is your #1 priority.
This is also a natural consequence of them treating you poorly and obviously not respecting your boundaries.
Without consequences they have no reason to change their disrespectful behavior.
XOXO
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I am liking the suggestions of the office people have been bringing up. If there is anyway you could have a blow up mattress in there for his parents I think that would be good. That way you guys still have that private area around your room, you may need to vent during those 5 days and you don’t want people lying next door hearing it. I would also read the riot act about going in the room straight up when they get there.
Put the family of 5 in the basement so that they are all together. If you put them next to you along with the snoring no one is going to be a happy camper 🙂
Another option would be for you to grab a single bed (blow up mattress) and camp in with baby MPB. Then have the inlaws in the guest bedroom and the family of 5 downstairs.
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What did you decide?!
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We have absolutely no decision yet! I was hoping for clear consensus from blog land but it seems like everyone suggestion is just as varied as we are from moment to moment!
I am leaning towards family in the basement. Parents in office. But I just have no idea what we’ll do! Or maybe we should just go get a hotel and let everyone stay in our house wherever they want?
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Can you bring Baby MPB into your room for this? I know it might alter sleeping through the night a bit…but then no one will be peeking in on him.
I also like the idea of asking them where they would like to sleep. Here are your options, what do you want? Also, if you already have such a rocky relationship with the in-laws, how can a hotel make it worse? At least everyone would get a (somewhat) comfy place to sleep.
Let us know how it works.
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I would put parents in upstairs room, larger family in basement so they have more room and buy an air mattress for one of you to sleep in baby’s room. Use the snoring as an excuse, but then you’re also in there to prevent any middle of the night checks by grandparents
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Put them all in the basement! As someone who travels to stay with family for the holidays regularly…I love, love, LOVE when I’m in the basement with my own bathroom. It gives you just that little bit of space so you don’t feel like you’re encroaching on anyone, but still feels close.
Good luck and happy holidays!
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I missed this post…what DID you do???
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So I don’t know if I’m late or not but just wanted to let you know I feel you when it comes to in-laws. We just recently had to cut my MIL out of our lives due to her extremely poor treatment of me. I could talk about that for days but I won’t unless you want to know of things like how she didn’t go to our wedding because she said she would stand up and object or how she told my husband that we shouldn’t have had kids because I’m bipolar and now expects to be a part of my daughters life while she still cannot be nice or civil to me (I mean she ignores me and doesn’t talk to me, including not saying hello or goodbye when she visits our home). Anyway, I digress…point is I know what it’s like and I would so be like “Sorry but you have to stay in a hotel room we have too much going on right now and we can’t trust you to respect our wishes.”
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Doesn’t sound like any solution will solve all problems. Id be leaning towards parents upstairs as they are less likely to wake yours by waking up. Try and set clear expectations with the in-laws about no nightime visits
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