Stressors & Counseling
I finally have an appointment with my counselor. And I started to think about what I really want to talk to her about, and my list of stressors seems a tad bit out of control:
- Baby MPB’s birth-mother disappearing, while pregnant. I know she may just need her space, but this is very much unlike her and I’m sick with worry.
- My inability to sleep through the night. It’s increasingly becoming a problem over the last few months – Baby MPB wakes up for 10 minutes (or 2 hours), I’m up for 3-4 hours. I’m debating some sort of sleeping pill, Mr. MPB is not supportive as he’s afraid I’ll sleep through Baby MPB waking up in the first place.
- I’m constantly sick. As in, 3 colds within 4 weeks. In fact, I’m sick again right now and I no longer have a voice, which will make meeting with her interesting. See the note above, I think they go hand-in-hand.
- Issues we are having with grandparents. And our differing perspectives on them.
- My general frustration with Mr. MPB lately. I love him to pieces, but the last few weeks have been particularly hard for us. Between me being sick, him working insane hours, we just have not been on the same page.
- I am currently being threatened with a lawsuit against me and one of my client, because a third party is claiming I said things I didn’t, which in their opinion gave them permission to do something against the law. I of course have what I said in writing (thank god for meeting minutes), which absolutely did not give them permission to break the law – nor do I have the power to let people break the law, even if I wanted to! But as our lawyer has indicated, anyone can sue of over anything they want, the legal system does not prevent stupid lawsuits. Hopefully they are just posturing and trying to threaten us to get us to back down (which will not work, they broke the law and we have to enforce it). Anyways, I should mention, people in my profession rarely get sued. As in, never get sued. So ya, it’s been fun having that hanging over my head.
- I want Christmas to be amazing for Baby MPB, and yet, I really just want to skip it. The stress of all of it is just becoming a tad bit too much this year. Why do extended families make it so much work?
- Embryo adoption. Yup, that’s still playing in my mind on a daily basis.
- My irrational fear of Baby MPB being kidnapped while we sleep. This one might also play into my inability to sleep.
- Our dog. She just went in for her yearly check-up and it’s been confirmed that she’s getting old. As in start of arthritis in her hip and teeth problems, in addition to her normal tummy problems. I know, this might seem trivial so many, but she’s more then just a dog to me. She sat with me through every pregnancy and miscarriage. She’s already Baby MPB’s bestfriend (even if she doesn’t really want to be). She’s been at my side for almost 7 years now, and I’m simply not ready to see her age. The thought of losing her, gosh, I just cannot go there.
And the worst part of this list, is I know it’s not everything on my mind. I know there is more going on, but I cannot even think of everything right now!
And even more frustrating after waiting months to get in, I know what’s she’s going to say and it’s not going to help. I need to prioritize. I need to work less. Mr. MPB and I need to communicate better with each other. I cannot worry about things I cannot change. All great suggestions, but I need practical solutions.
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Let me take one thing off your list – Christmas. Baby MPB is too young to car! Put up some twinkle lights (not even necessarily a tree) and he’ll be happy.
I’m sorry everything is so hard right now. These are the times that you just wish would pass. All of it sounds pretty on par with new parenting except that lawsuit. That lawsuit would destroy my happiness, even if frivolous. Good luck with it all, and with covering all of that in one session. 😉
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Oh… And the worry about Baby MPBs birth mom. That would have me up at night.
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That really is a big list. Glad you are able to get in to see your counselor. I see one as well and I notice when it’s been a while since I’ve seen her (like now) because my stress level seems to climb. Hope they can help you with some practical solutions for coping and reducing your stress.
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Oh my gosh! I can understand why you feel overwhelmed after seeing this list. I am sorry you are going through all of this right now. It’s is clear you give everything your all and you deserve to have some of that stressor weight lifted. If there is one thing I know about you it is that you are a fighter and I am confident you will get through and one day look at all of these things and be proud of yourself! One thing I’ve had to do, and it’s really hard, is lower my expectations for everything I do. It’s sucks and I don’t often feel good about it but I try to accept that my life is different now and that’s the way it has to be. You’re doing a wonderful job momma!
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I wouldn’t worry about the lawsuit. In my profession, we get sued by offenders (inmates, law breakers) every day. Let the attorney do the heavy lifting, he or she will tell you what they need, if anything. That’s why attorneys are paid good money! It will definitely work itself out and more than likely not in favor of the plaintiff. Best of luck with it all! As always, you are handling all of your stressors with grace and clarity.
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I have that sleep issue too. I do take medicine for it and I definitely still wake up for cries (or in the case of a 5yo, “mommy! Mommy! Come in here!”)
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Reading this I broke down and cried. I feel your pain on so many levels. I know it is easier said than done but just let go. Let go and let God. Trust that everything is going to be ok because if you’ve made it this far there is a good chance you will make it farther. One thing at a time. For now. Coffee. Then a chore. Then a snack. Don’t let all this wear you down. The problem seems to be that you are handling one thing while thinking of a million others. Remember. ONE THING AT A TIME. Give it your full attention and then move to the next thing. Only cross a bridge when you come to it. Nothing can make you feel crazy like trying to be prepared for everything. Get out of your head and relax. Find beauty in your days and focus on that. I’ll be praying for you!
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It is so hard to find a new normal after a baby comes. You go from one relationship – with each other – to relationship with each other, individual relationships with baby, relationship with each other as co-parents, etc. Everyone goes through it, no matter how much you talk about it beforehand, it causes stress. From following your blog, it sounds like you have both tried to continue the life you had but with the addition of a baby. That simply doesn’t work. You bed to get away for a day and start from scratch. Look at everything. You mentioned you need to work because of your standard of living. Maybe that needs to change (or expectations need to change) and you work less. Maybe you find a night nurse two nhghts a week and give up your expectation that you are the only ines who can get him. Maybe MPB gives up his views on sleeping meds. You see what I mean – you keep trying to add things to your life but not compromise anything. Very typical for people like us (you don’t now me, but I was an independent consultant and we are all a certain personality!). But not workable. What is highest priority? Happiness? Peaceful family? Savings? (Nothing wrong with that!) then live by that.
You mentioned practical advice: Make a list with MPB of your family priorities, make a list of your daily life and track how much of your life is lived in accordance with your priorities. Adjust (priorities or activities) -as necessary.
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Sorry for all these mounting stressors. It is quite a list. My own personal opinion is you have to prioritize getting on the same team and side with Mr. MPB. Having you guys work as a close and supportive team through all of this is paramount. Can your nanny stay for an evening and the two of you rent a hotel right nearby and have a good meal a few glasses of wine, an amazing sleep and reconnect? I find that any lingering tension between the parents permeates the house and makes everything seem harder. Thinking of you!
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That is a lot to deal with for 1 person! No wonder you can’t sleep!! I have no advice because that sounds so difficult to process, especially if that is not everything! But just a message to say that I am thinking of you and I hope you can get some solutions in place to take some of the burden off.
Also, if you need to take sleeping stuff, do it. With a good nights rest, everything is just that little bit easier.
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I have a dog like that too. She’s almost 12…I don’t like thinking about it. I also went to therapy today. It helps so much. You are in my thoughts.
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Oh my, I can’t even imagine the stress you must be under with all this on your mind. I wish you luck getting through it all. Hope the councellor helps and that you feel better soon.
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Sorry you’ve got so much stress right now. I hope talking to your counselor will help x
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It’s so hard when you’re not on the same page. I feel like my husband and I are going through this too. I believe the first year of parenthood is the hardest. It sure feels like it. We will get through it.
I hope you’re feeling better soon.
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Big hugs! That’s a lot of stuff going on! I can totally see why you would want to visit her. I will just add, I have spent the last 16m being sicker than a dog- constantly. I finally took a trip to a naturopath and we did food allergy testing- turns out my immune system is shot because I had been eating things constantly that I am mildly allergic to and intolerant of. Since I’ve cut out a large portion of the list, I’ve not been sick once!
Visiting your counselor will hopefully reduce your stress and worries and help you navigate this new life! HUGS
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