Choosing a Uterus
Well, that’s a sentence I never thought I’d write!
But, I also never thought I’d go through recurrent pregnancy loss. So, I guess it just is what it is.
Mr. MPB and I had a rather brief conversation this last weekend about the actual way in which we could become pregnant with the donor embryo(s), if we choose to proceed. I say brief because we both 100% agree that my uterus is not an option. The facts are rather simple:
- My uterus is the reason we lost our 5 babies. My body, while not experiencing extensive immunological issues, has reverse blood flow to my uterus and suspected silent endometriosis. While We are still not convinced I have endometriosis, but we know without a doubt our babies died due to a lack of blood flow which is absolutely critical to the development of an embryo/fetus.
- The treatment for said medical issues is not available to us locally. In order to receive treatment I would have to fly to the USA to undergo surgery for the possible endometriosis. Then, fly bi-weekly for multiple months, possibly through the second trimester (if we made it that far) for medications to be administered. All of this would be uninsured, meaning we would pay directly out of our pockets. From a purely financial perspective this could easily be over 100K without any guarantee of a successful outcome.
- We have Baby MPB. I am simply not willing to travel and be away from him every two weeks potentially for months. I want to be present and part of his childhood. We both know we will not have a second child at the expense of Baby MPB.
To be blunt, the fact is, if my uterus worked, we would just try the old fashioned way and wait until we got pregnant. When it comes to our specific infertility journey, we were actually really good at the conception part. Honestly, we would go about a second child the old fashioned way simply because it’s the most affordable way to have a child. And, if my body worked the way it should, trying the old fashioned way is also the least complicated. But our reality simply isn’t that simple and there’s no point on pretending it is.
As for IVF to use my own eggs and Mr. MPB’s sperm. That is also completely off the table. Mr. MPB’s contribution is high quality (he tested completely fine through all our losses) and doesn’t involve major medical procedures to get. However, I am simply not willing to put my body through more and I don’t think Mr. MPB would encourage me to. I’ve been through enough physically already with all our losses and I simply have no desire to put my body through the process of IVF. I have no desire to experience all the side effects of the medications and I do not want to go back to the mental stuff associated with trying again – I’m really happy to be out of our multi-year pregnancy bubble. And I’ve been working hard to get back to where I was from a purely physical perspective. And probably more importantly, I’ve worked bloody hard to learn to mostly trust my body again and mostly not hate my body. I’m not willing to jeopardize that.
And its probably worth nothing that at we simply do not care about having a genetic link to our children. That’s just not an important factor for us. And so, we just don’t feel the need to go down the route of trying ourselves again.
All this means that we have decided that if we proceed with embryo adoption we will have to find a gestational carrier. And what we both know is that this single decision is what will make our desire to have a second child very challenging and possibly even impossible.
If you like this post, please feel free to share and please click the follow button on the side or return to My Perfect Breakdown to follow my journey.