Where’d You Get Him?
One thing I have come to expect is odd/poorly worded questions about adoption. It seems to be part of our life now, and we are getting used to it – for better or worse.
.
This weekend when we randomly ran into an acquaintance – a friend of a friends that we see maybe once or twice a year.
These acquaintances instantly oohhedd, aahhhed and made silly faces to get Baby MPB to laugh. He knows Baby MPB is adopted, but as we don’t see them regularly they had not met him yet. Then he fumbled with his words….so, where did….you….get him? Said with a crinkly forehand and all. His wife looked at him like he’d lost his mind.
I laughed because I knew he didn’t mean to be offensive, I could literally see him thinking through the question but it just didn’t come out right. Honestly I knew what he was trying to say – he simply wanted to ask where was Baby MPB born?
Clearly, for some reason, when it comes to adoption people forget their words.
I responded with, Baby MPB was born in XX, USA. And he responded with ya, that’s what I was trying to ask.
Honestly, it was an endearing conversation – I knew he was struggling, but he was trying.
And, it’s not my job to constantly correct and educate people.
Sometimes it’s best just to laugh, answer the question they intended to ask with appropriate language and move on.
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We have similar problems, our two were adopted from care, which means at some point the powers-that-be decided it was in the best interests of the children to remove them from their birth parents. The question we sometimes get is “Why were they taken away from their [birth] parents?”.
It’s difficult to answer that one without being a bit standoffish – “That’s not really something I want to discuss with you”, or if we give few bits of information we’re comfortable sharing it seems to end up with them saying “People like that shouldn’t be allowed children” which isn’t what we were trying to put across – we have a lot of empathy for our children’s birth mother, which given the circumstances surrounding their adoption people find hard to believe.
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I truly laughed out loud at the title of this post and thought to myself, “oh, you know, Walmart.”
How hilarious! I do like that he was showing interest and I love this wife’s response. Ha ha! Laughter is usually the best approach (says the commenter who totally should have followed her own advice late last night. So embarrassed by my freak out ok another both!).
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* freak out on another blog
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That was my though – we just went to Walmart and picked him up from the baby section! Because thats what they sell in the baby section these days. Humm…not exactly how it works. But his awkwardness and effort to try made it laughter worthy. 😊
And I totally want to read your freak out on another blog. Sounds interesting. 😉
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Nara’s blog. You’ve seen it by now, I’m sure!
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Yup, I saw it. I get what you are saying and completely agree!
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You’re so sweet! Ha! Saw my OB today for an annual and he laughed at my rage over the topic and then said, “I feel you. You should hear the arguments I get from these women.”. Ha!
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I couldn’t even begin to imagine the crazy things OBs hear!! There is just so much misinformation and fear mongering in the world of baby making and baby delivering.
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Yikes. On one hand it is slightly amusing, since he seemed somewhat uncomfortable with himself in what he was asking. On another hand, it amazes me the kinds of things people who don’t know you well at all ask you. Though I know you are very open about his adoption, I feel like there are things about the situation that are personal and would think common sense would say are off limit questions. (Unless you are very close family or friends.) Maybe that’s just me, maybe I was raised differently from most people? But I was just taught to never ask things so personal of others!
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I can only imagine some of the questions u get! Laughing it off, especially when you know one has good intentions is a great choice.
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I laughed as well when reading the title of your post!! Sometimes the oddly worded question with good intentions is better than the avoided/unsaid question. Glad you were able to laugh it off and help him out.
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The stork dropped him at the wrong house and since you were the correct recepients of the package, you and Mr MPB ran cross country to xx, USA to get your package. It was a long run, you both were exhausted to the bone, but you gort your package alright and the stork apologiZed.
End of story.
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I’ve been learning that most people outside of the adoption triad don’t understand appropriate adoption language. You handled the situation perfectly. As adoptive moms, it’s our job to educate people as to the appropriate adoption terms.
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We are in the process of adopting and I often wonder how we will deal with awkward questions in the future. Thanks for reminding me that a little humor and a positive/understanding attitude go a long ways!
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Sounds like you handled it all well. Awkward wording and all. Xo
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Poor bloke, his wife probably had *that* look on her face when he asked. Definitely laughter worthy. He probably kicked himself in his head as soon as the words were out of his mouth. We have all been there. Good on you for seeing the funny side 🙂
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I guess you’ve heard it all. It sounds like he’s inquiring about a new puppy.
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You handled that so well! 💜
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