Adoption Expenses
A common theme in our lives for what feels like forever now has been the astronomical cost of our international adoption. It feels as though the costs have continued to climb for reasons we cannot understand. But, of course, this is the first time in my life that I’ve had no choice but to pay. Truthfully, it feels a lot like blackmail….but, I digress.
A long time ago I stopped filling in the excel spreadsheet titled Adoption Costs. We made the decision to not know the exact dollar figure. First, they constant payments and calculating our debt was keeping us up at night. And anxiety and stomach ulcers just aren’t going to be helpful. Second, we figured by not knowing the dollar figure we’d never be able to answer the question of how much did I cost? which is evidently a common question of adopted children. Of course, we don’t believe our son cost us a penny, rather the process to legally bring him into our lives was the expense and it’s been worth every single penny.
But, all that said, we were forced to change our tune. It turns out the adoption costs are required by our lawyer. So, we were forced to resurrect that old Adoption Cost spreadsheet. And so we spent yesterday going through bank records to calculate exactly what we’ve spent. To the penny.
While I’m not going to publicize the exact number, I will say that it is in excess of 85,000 CAD (65,000 USD), which is well over double what we were originally quoted. For perspective, note that this more MORE then the yearly median family income for the USA in 2014 (“Median household income was $53,657 in 2014” – source). No matter how I rationalize it, this is a lot of money!!
Now that we’ve done the math it turns out the actual amount is within a few hundred dollars of what we thought from our rough mental calculations. So not counting never really happened.
And, even more interesting, once we submitted the spreadsheet to our lawyer his response was Wow!! that’s the most expensive adoption we have EVER done!! So, ya, we now hold that record.
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That is absolutely staggering. There are so many kids that need adopting too but it makes it very difficult for a family to choose that path if they don’t have the funds. How horrible.
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Exactly!! It’s amazing how expensive private adoption is (I believe foster to adopt is almost free, if we are only talking dollar costs not emotional costs). The cost has made it impossible for many wonderful people to even consider which just doesn’t seem right at all.
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That’s insane. I wish the, “just adopt” camp knew this. IVF multiple times to get two kids cost us (our insurance) about $45,000. Unreal.
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Absolutly insane!!! But I also think $45,000 for multiple IVF seems insane too. For most people these costs will remain a part of our lives for years as we work to pay off the debt. I think this is the side of infertility that a lot of the fertile people don’t get and definitely something the “just adopt” people don’t understand!
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I have not experienced infertility myself, but my daughter has, and I started reading these blogs, to give me a better sense of what she is feeling, and also so I don’t inadvertently say or do something that she may find offensive. One of the common things that family members and friends have said to her is “just adopt”, and it is really one of the most hurtful things they can say. She started her own blog, but found it too painful, as she has difficulty sharing her personal feelings, but your blog and many others have helped me to support her better and to better understand what she is going through. Don’t get me wrong, I am not saying anything against adoption in itself, because thank goodness it is an option…but like you said, the process is made nearly impossible for most people to achieve from a financial perspective. How sad is that when there are really so many children who are waiting for a family! I believe foster to adopt is slightly cheaper, but there are still some financial considerations with that process as well.
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Insane. 80k is the average annual salary for a well employed person is Toronto.
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Exactly! And we paid that out just for the adoption in about 1 year. We still had to pay to live on top of that. It’s staggering!
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That’s absurd. Worth every single penny times a million I know but still absurd. Whenever I hear ‘just adopt’ I let them know it costs far north of 50k so they get a little bit more perspective. We are going through all the egg donor costs now and it is looking to be around 40- 45k. I think it is absurd that adopting a life already created and needing a home is more than the process of IVF via DE. I was prepared for these costs because it is all actions that are being created for us to have another child. Anyway– just my two cents. Love to you and that adorable boy.
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It’s truly amazing how much all of this costs!! And while we are making it work, I think the worst thing is that many wonderful people simply cannot afford to adopt or do IVF or donor eggs. It simply doesn’t make sense in my mind.
And yes the “just adopt” crap needs to stop! We are already getting it because people assume we will adopt again, but people don’t understand the financial cost or the emotion cost!
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I so agree with you. My dream is to one day run a scholarship non-profit program to help those seeking treatment. Xo
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Holy wow. I wonder why yours was so much more than the others the lawyer has done, though? Has he done many international adoptions? It would be lovely if there was some way to show that the various agencies were gouging you, but I also know that is extra time and expense that nobody has.
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Oh Wow… I knew it started out around 30k USD, but had no idea that it could climb to a number that high! I am so glad that you were able to make it work for your amazing little boy, I know he is worth everything you went through, and he deserves an amazing mom and dad like the 2 of you.
But yes, so many kids out there deserving of a great home, and a loving family’s income shouldn’t stop those children from getting the wonderful home that they deserve. I mean, 65K is a TON of money! Even for people who do well!
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Wow that is way above what our two domestic adoptions cost–almost twice the amount. I’m so curious about which agency you used or how they are extorting (because that’s what it seems like) you like this. Is t the international component? It seems like the Better Business Bureau would be interested. (After finalization, of course!)
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Wow, that is about what our two domestic adoptions cost total (for both added together) in the US. I guess the international aspect and paperwork adds some, but that seems like a lot, wow! I have never heard of one go that high and I run adoption support groups. It really is a costly process though and fees seem to be raising… Definitely not a “just adopt” situation…
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Wow! I can’t believe it costs that much. It baffles me why it has to cost so astronomically much.
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That is just insane. They make it so damn hard.
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Wow!! I wonder why yours was the most expensive adoption.
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Well that’s not a great record to hold at all! I truly hope that they stop bleeding you dry very soon, and things will be final before you know it. Such a shame that it costs so much just to try to have the family that you’ve always wanted…it really shouldn’t be that hard!!
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That does sound crazy. I know how much I cost – my parents told me, not because it’s what they thought I was worth, but to show me there was no bribery/corruption involved. It was a very small admin fee and less than I’d spend going out for a meal. So I am super cheap compared to your little one! I can’t believe it costs so much. I’m sure that money is not going to first families…
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Haha, I’m not sure if I was supposed to laugh, but I totally did! 😊
And yes, the amount of money that went to the first family was minimal compared to how much we spent. This is actually something that infuriates me….I should probably write more on that specifically one of these days.
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So wrong on so many levels. I’m sorry you’re starting off your lives as parents with this rock around your ankles!
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Omg that is insane. Anytime someone makes the ‘why don’t they just adopt’ argument I am going to show them this. Adoption is such a wonderful thing for so many families (not just those in the infertility community of course) but it’s unfortunate that so many people think it’s an easy quick process. I’m glad you have the strength and determination to get through it and share your story!
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Wow thank you for sharing that absurd number. I am honestly shocked that this is allowed to happen. Seems like a for-profit venture even though it should be non-profit (which seems to be in the best interest of the child). I understand things are not free and people have to be involved to coordinate the adoption (and make it safe for the child), but seriously?!!? I hope the costs stop soon for you and Mr. MPB.
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Honestly, most of my gay male friends who have children paid about what you did. Sometimes it was for adoption, others it was to use a surrogate. If you want an infant with no reported medical issues it costs a shit ton. It’s like any commodity…
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wow I had no idea the costs could be that high. Agree with the others who commented that it puts the silly “just adopt” comment into perspective!
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Yikes! That’s why we had to go with the agency we did instead of even doing a national adoption. It’s just too freakin’ expensive. It’s so sad. 😦
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Wow. What a record to hold! That little guy is worth every penny though – even if it feels like a major blow to have to pay it. I truly hope that one day it will be easier for people to adopt. I do believe society needs to understand how difficult it is.
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I’m feeling the pain, too! When I tell people that our adoption is going to be well over $50K, I see them glaze over and get that dubious look in their eye. But it’s true, and real. Just like all the things one could have bought or done with that money, but never will. I don’t feel that much of it is going to anything but paper-pushing bureaucracy, so it’s hard not to be a bit resentful. At least a teeny bit. But there’s no price we wouldn’t pay, in dollars, opportunities or any other currency one could devise, to secure the safety and happiness of our children. So we pay. And they know we will. But in the end, it won’t matter to us what the process cost. When we hold them, play with them, cry over them and laugh with them, it will only matter that they are with us–they are ours, and we are theirs.
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