Date Night
We have left Baby MPB with our nanny alone a few times. But only for a few adoption related meetings, work related meetings, when Mr. MPB picked me up from the hospital after my surgery and one mandatory work evening event. Clearly, nothing fun that even resembles romance. In fact, of the things that we’ve done without Baby MPB I’d say work meetings have been the most enjoyable and also not something we do together as a couple. Which probably isn’t a good thing.
I’ve always said once we have kids (yes, naively I always said kids plural), we are going to do weekly date nights after the first few months. I want to be sure that I know my husband and we continue to connect as a couple while raising our kids.
But, today I’ll admit that Mr. MPB and I still have not had a date night since Baby MPB was born. Which means no dinners or movies out just as a couple. The reality is, when it comes down to it, we simply have not made an effort. I can use the classic excuses:
- no family around to help take care of Baby MPB;
- no energy for a date after spending our days attempting to balance our professional responsibilities with our family needs and desires;
- babysitters are expensive;
- we both like spending time with Baby MPB and we like putting Baby MPB to bed ourselves.
If I’m honest, I really do feel like we are struggling a bit with the balance of both working full time and providing Baby MPB with the attention he deserves and the attention we want to give him. My current priority list seems to be:
And, honestly, adding yet another thing to the priority list right now feels overwhelming.
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I totally feel you on this. It’s hard to prioritize alone time. Catch and I have had 3 date nights in a year, plus one date lunch when she met me at work while Charlotte was with the nanny. I have to say, though, that it really works wonders on our moods when we have the chance. We are implementing a new Friday night “date night” where we eat dinner alone together after Charlotte is in bed–we sit outside and open a bottle of wine. We’ve only done it once so far but it was so nice to have that quiet time together.
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I am in that same boat too. We really haven’t prioritized it yet. Our “dates” always include the baby so I’m pretty sure that doesn’t count! And this is so by choice; my husband’s family would jump at the chance to look after her alone more. I keep waiting to crave some alone time with just my husband, for some of this complete and total infatuation of my baby to subside just the tiniest bit, and so far it hasn’t. So for now she comes along with us, or we’re only really out for appointments or an hour at a time.
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I think it is so important to get couple time but in my personal experience- the need and desire came after my little guy was a year old. We emerged from the new baby fog and could enjoy ourselves and each other so much. I think if you just make small efforts like cooking each other’s favorite food or letting each other sleep in that means so much more right now.
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Kevin got us tickets to a musical before we had the baby, scheduled for when she would be about 3.5 months, so we had no choice but to get out together. We couldn’t take her, we spent a bit of money on them so we couldn’t rationalize wasting it, and I really wanted to go. Maybe pick something a little ways out, order the tickets, and then it will happen!
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I think it’s typical to get those date nights back when babe is older…. but if you can earlier, I say go for it! Babe and I were both physically not right from health to sleeping for a long time, and I couldn’t have pushed his needs on a caregiver or felt secure doing so. I like you also was happy to be with babe – and after years of struggle the time does seem to feel extra precious. Another secret reason would be not giving my intrusive MIL the joy of having that duty ie. even more time with him, haha. (I would’ve asked her before someone else when he was an infant.) But I think when you’re ready it will be a great thing. You work hard, face a lot of stress, and by default spend a lot of your time with hubs dealing with administrative and challenging stuff. You will deserve a truly enjoyable time together!
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I think majority of moms/parents feel like this. We went out once when the bugs were 6 months and once when they were 13 months. Date nights just look a little different now. They more resemble 5 minutes of conversation without interruptions haha. But in reality, this won’t last forever. You know your relationship is important so get creative on how to spend quality time together (quality doesn’t have to mean leaving the house although it’s nice. Maybe it’s a glass of wine in the deck/porch/front step or board game when babes asleep?). It’s on your radar and I say that’s good enough for now.
I read an article once that said we can only do two things really well at the same time. So being a mom and your career are at the top. Wife is third. For folks like us, I think that’s ok right now. And if you want to change it, what’s going to go? Anyways, just one take on the subject of overflowing plates 😊
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We haven’t been out since our kiddo was born, either. In fact, tomorrow we’re leaving her with friends of ours (who we totally trust- probably more than our own family in some cases!) while we go out to lunch together and I’m nervous about doing even that!!
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You will get there! We have started having date coffee / breakfasts once a week but doesn’t really count as the baby is along. Just feels like a date without the 4 year old. When Monkey was little we went out a couple of times once he was down for the night as like you I wanted to put him to bed. So out might have been the cinema or a drink or two at a bar. It does feel like a lot of effort when you are tired but it is definitely worth it for the reconnection. I am sure you guys will find what works for you.
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We live far away from all family. We’ve only done 3 date nights in the 14 months our girl has been around. Since there is no family I feel awful leaving her with a baby sitter just so we could go out. We’ve taken to watching a tv show together curled up after she’s asleep a few nights a week. My priority is her first and I’ll never feel bad for that.
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Yup, same boat. Other than birthdays and our anniversary, not many date nights happening for us either.
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Samsies! We’ve had a few dates but nothing with any amount of regularity. Like maybe 5.
But even just sitting on the couch talking after Chick has gone to bed is helpful. It’s more about making time to connect, I think.
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Just catching up…yes, those elusive Date Nights…going to be interesting once my little guy is here…I think you are doing a great job though balancing it all 🙂 xoxo
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Dude – I couldn’t imagine J and I going on a date until recently. You’re so tired and don’t want to miss bedtime routine and JUST SO TIRED! Give yourselves some more time. It seemed to really change for us just about when Gia turned a year old – we felt a little freer and also like it was time to have some adult time. And like Molly said, the dinner, movie, wine night after baby goes to bed is very nice!
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