Parenting Post Surgery
Having a little baby and being unable to pick them up for over a week has been interesting to say the least.
- I feel unbelievably selfish and guilty for deciding to have this surgery while Baby MPB is so young. When I let the guilt voice speak to me it says I let my own desires trump my child’s needs. His basic need for care and attention took a backseat to my desire for a breast reduction. If I could turn back time I would have had this surgery when I was 20, but if I could turn back time I’d also do a whole host of other things too. And the fact is, no matter how I look at it, I do not have the ability to turn back time. Honestly though, I’m trying not to let that guilt voice have control. The fact is, while I may not be picking him up or holding him, I am still interacting with him – I read stories, I change diapers, I prepare his bottles, I put him to bed, I sooth him when he wakes in the middle of the night, I tickle him, I kiss him, etc. And the fact is, others are taking care of feeding him and transporting him around the house/community so he is absolutely having all his needs met and exceeded.
- I think the hardest thing for me is knowing that he is unhappy and simply wants to be held, and I cannot do it. Instead, I have to call Mr. MPB or whomever is helping out at the time. I hate that I am not able to just pick him myself.
- I remind myself that in the scheme of his life these few weeks really wont matter. In a months time or even in 5 years time he will not remember any of this. In fact, I’m pretty sure he hasn’t even noticed a change in the last week.
- I miss my little boy snuggles. 7 days post surgery I accidentally picked him up while changing him (old habits die hard), and as of today I’ve started picking him up regularly as I seem to be able to lift him without problems (except not out of pack n’ play or his crib, the upward motion just isn’t going to happen yet). But, even so, I’m petrified of him wiggling and knocking into one of the incision lines which are still pretty sensitive and sore. His entire body wiggles all the time now and I just know I’m going to get nailed and it’s going to send pain shooting through my entire body. So, I am still not feeding him or snuggling him the way I’d like to.
- I love not getting up at Baby MPB’s natural wake-up time of 5:30am. I wont lie, I’m loving not doing the morning shift. I still get up to help sooth him during the middle of the night, if necessary. But, I cannot confidently lift Baby MPB out of the crib yet, which means I cannot do the wake-up feed, and after being so tired lately from a few week string of bad nights, I am very selfishly loving the sleep. Honestly, since my surgery, even though I seem to tire easily I feel more rested then I have in a few months.
- I feel grateful for how amazing everyone has been at helping out. Mr. MPB is being super dad and super husband (I am going to have to figure out a pretty amazing father’s day gift for him). My parents offered to come help. Our nanny stayed late 1.5 hours the other night. A friend has visited on non-nanny days to help out so Mr. MPB can get some work done. Another friend helped one evening when Mr. MPB had to be at a meeting.
I guess, while I really do feel guilty about what I am unable to do right now, I also realize that our little guy is doing great. And at the end of the day, that’s truthfully all that matters.
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Oh goodness, mom guilt is really something, is it? It sounds to me like you’re still being a present parent and doing everything you can to take care of Baby MPB. Don’t beat yourself up! This is a teeny tiny blip in time in his life and you’ll be back to picking him up (and doing 5:30 wake ups) before you know it!
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This surgery will make you even happier so therefor a better Mom for the rest of your life so these few weeks are just a blip. Hope they go by fast and you heal quickly. Xo
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The mom guilt is real. If it wasn’t this, it would be (and probably is) something else. I try to remind myself that while my #1 priority is always my child, I am her mother and that means I am priority 1.5. Because if I don’t take care of me, who will be there to care for her? Can’t pour from an empty cup!
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I think what you’re going through is very similar to what moms who have had c-sections experience (in terms of not being able to lift the baby), so while it’s frustrating, it sounds like you’re having a pretty typical mom experience. And like previous posters have said, it’s important to take care of yourself so that you can be the best mom possible to your baby!
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you’re a great mom hence you’re feeling soooo much even before weeks have passed. You will be better soon and then when you’ll be strong enough to pick him like before, u’ll gladly wake up to the 5:30 am wake up call 🙂
take care of yourself and hope you recover soon
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Mommy guilt is awful. I worry about being able to take care of my babies post surgery too (I am scheduled for a C section). I am glad you are taking care of yourself and hope you continue to heal!
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I’m sure this is the best time to get the surgery! No time like the present! You literally can’t go back in time and do it earlier so… Next best, do it as soon as you can. A few weeks less contact with baby will be fine. He has his dad! You’re still there! Wipe that guilt off your slate missus and be happy you’re recovering well! X
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I don’t think you did a selfish thing at all. At least right now, like you said, he doesn’t really realize something is different, and he won’t remember it. If you did this when he was 2 he would remember, he would realize you are “treating him different” and not being your normal mommy self. You weren’t able to do it before now, the opportunity arose and you took it. You’re not being a bad mom…I think you’ll be a better person for it and he won’t even realize that he appreciates it in the future! 🙂
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I understand the guilt but as you say…he’s probably not even noticed and definitely won’t remember. You’re with him and in a way it may be good to get him comfortable being held regularly by other people…Some babies get very (possibly too) attached to mummy which can make things difficult down the line.
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There is seriously always something to feel guilty about but I am certain that we are all awesome mommies…otherwise we would not be blogging our experiences. Or feeling guilty at all for that matter. :). Rock on mama!
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He is still receiving your smooches and love so I think he is doing just fine 🙂 I had a nose op when Monkey was 18 mths old and I got bopped on the nose a few times after that so totally understand your concern with the wriggles bumping your surgery. It Is stressful! Wishing you a speedy and complication free recovery. 🙂
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Awww don’t feel guilty!!! It can’t be easy though – it’s awesome you have a lovely village around you to help you out when you need it 🙂 Hope your recovery continues positively ready for more baby snuggles!!
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I am so glad you have so much support! This is an amazing thing you’ve done for your life and you will heal soon and be able to be an even better mom! 🙂 Excited for you.
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It truly takes a village and it sounds like you have a great one!
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Don’t feel guilty, this was good for you!! You deserved it!
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Thanks Stefanie. I still feel guilty, but I love the results. 🙂
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