Future Contact
I don’t know what the future will look like, but I know as of right now Mr. MPB and I want contact and so does our birth mom.
I see her as part of our family. Honestly, how could I not? She gave life to our son, the son that she has so graciously shared with us.
And so, we will make an effort to go back and visit. It’s highly unlikely she will be able to visit us (at least at this point in time), but we will definitely visit her.
The distance is surprisingly great considering we live on the same continent and our countries share the 49th parallel. And the Canadian dollar is incredibly low and our adoption debt is rather high. So, I honestly don’t know when we will be able to afford a visit, but I know we are already saving for one.
So, for now we text and email. I send photos as often as I reasonably can. I have already sent a package to her and know I will send more in the future.
Long term, I hope we all continue to have a relationship. Of course, this is dependent on her wanting to continue having a relationship. I cannot force her to be involved if she ever decides not to be.
And, I also cannot guarantee that Baby MPB will always want a relationship with her. Should our son one day decide he doesn’t want contact, at an appropriate age, I don’t believe we would force him to.
I guess, like so many relationships in life, all I can do is work hard to lay a strong foundation now with my daily actions and hope that it all works out in the future. I hope, I really hope, we all find a way to navigate any bumps in the road that we encounter along the way.
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You are seriously such a good Mom. Your heart is huge and your son is one lucky little man (as are you and Mr. MPB to have him!).
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One step at a time. I just left a conversation with one of Bryson’s preschool classmates moms. She is actually the childs grandma but adopted her because of bad circumstances. I was sharing with her my thoughts on their choice to parent this child, a choice I know Brian and I would make too. And she said, “we have learned to make the best decisions we can at the moment and leave future decisions for the future.”. YES! I totally agree with this and that’s what you’re doing. You can only do what you can with the situation at hand right now, and you’re being very fair to yourselves, birth mom, and baby MPB. ❤
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Yes! Such a beautiful and accurate perspective! Thank you for sharing! 🙂
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My one suggestion would be that you approach baby’s first mom just as you do any other family member. You’re not wondering whether baby will want a relationship with his grandparents, or his aunts and uncles, or his cousins, right? They’re family and as long as they’re pleasant and kind its kind of inconceivable to imagine that a child would even think to say, “I don’t want to see or talk to him/her.”
If you treat his first mom the same way, I can’t imagine that it would ever even occur to him to not want to continue his relationship with her. A (much) older child (teen/young adult) who is more attuned to the complexities of the situation may developed more complicated feelings about his first mom and family, but that difficulty is often eased by the foundation of openness that’s been built since birth.
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This is spot on! I don’t know what it must be like to have a first mother in contact (I have one but we had a closed adoption) but as an adult adoptee, I am heartened to hear that people are making it work.
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You’re doing right by your son in doing this and showing so much love for his birth mom too.
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You’re doing a great job momma! The love you have for this woman leaps off the page. I’m confident with your big heart that relationship will do nothing but grow and become more and more positive!
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(I may be late to the party, but I just realized. YOU’RE A MOM NOW. I think I got so caught up in the day-to-day drama of the adoption that this completely slipped my mind.)
Like anything, this is a relationship that will evolve over time. As long as you always leave a door open for them both, that’s the very best thing. I mean, I remember times when I wanted nothing to do with my birth mother, even though we were living in the same house. 😉
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I think it is great you guys are all so open X
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I think this maintaining this relationship is beautiful action on your behalf. Your son is so blessed to have such caring parents who strive to bring so much love into this life.
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I love that you all care about each other and want to keep each other in your lives. I feel like if that’s what you all want, then you’ll make a way for it to happen. 🙂
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Are you all back home now? I would love to hear how life with a newborn has been if you get a chance to blog about it. I know you’re super busy now!! 😉
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I’m really happy you are starting from such great foundations of openness. I genuinely feel you have nothing to fear – you will always be his mum (mom) and he’ll always have a first mum (mom!) too… More love, not less. It is wonderful that you and his first mum were able to share some special moments and it must be a huge comfort to her to have met you and liked you, and to know that communications are open.
And like others, I’m dying to know what the MPB parenthood is like! Blog when you have a chance! 🙂
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This blog is once again my daily fix. SO encouraging to read about a match as its happening. YAY!
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Such a beautiful relationship. You speak of the birth mom with so much gratitude and grace. Thank you for bringing us along through your writing. I am still brimming over with excitement for you all!
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