My Unwritten Rules of Adoption Waiting
- Never get too excited. Cautious optimism is the rule of thumb. Things may go really well, but they also might not.
- Respect the birth mother’s right to choose. Her right to choose her adoptive family to entrust her child to. And her right to change her mind.
- Keep living. Do home reno’s, go on trips, enjoy evenings out as a couple, even make plans for 6 months out. Just buy cancellation insurance in case you have to cancel, it’s an easy solution.
- Do not pay attention to your bank account. (At least if you are doing an international adoption). Just accept that you are going to be more broke then you ever imagined possible.
- Keep working hard to pay off all the bills.
- Distract yourself. That could mean reading, going to the gym, home reno’s, traveling, visiting with friends, going shopping, having a few glasses of wine, etc. Honestly, do whatever you need to do to keep your mind occupied with healthy thoughts.
- Network with other waiting adoptive parents. They understand the unique hell that is waiting and endless paperwork. Our biggest surprise was finding a group of people who understood infertility and loss – almost everyone adopting has been there too in some way, shape or form. These friendships are valuable today, they give you support that most people don’t understand. And, these friendships will probably also be valuable when you are raising children and will have someone who understands the unique adoption situations that will arise from time to time.
- Be bitter/frustrated/angry/disappointed/hurt/spastic when you need to be. The wait is hard, don’t try to be a superhero, just be you. Good days and bad days are part of you. Just pick yourself up when you can and try not to wallow in the bad for too long.
- When you are ready, and only when you are ready, start preparing for your child. Buying the first baby item is a big step, so make it special. And, then keep getting ready because who knows when baby might come into your life.
- Embrace why you are waiting. Remember what you’ve been through to get here, but try to focus on what is coming next. Focus on the future joy. Hold onto the hope. Remember there is a giant pile of gold at the end of the rainbow.
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I love this list!!! Continuing to think about you and hope right along with you!
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Thank you Caroline! ☺
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A great set of rules. Crossing my fingers that you don’t have to follow them for too much longer! 🙂
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You are the best, thanks Amy!!
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Fantastic list. I’m glad you’ve found some friends who have the same experiences and know the hell that is adoption paperwork & waiting. Having people who totally “get” it make the hard parts of life a little better, somehow.
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It the friends in life who make the hard stuff bearable and somehow a little less hard. Thank you for being on of those amazing friends. 🙂
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And thank you for being one of mine! ❤
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Love this! I definitely agree with these rules 🙂
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Thanks! 🙂
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Perfect words.
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Thank you. 🙂
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What a fantastic list. You are doing awesome!!
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Thanks mamajo! I’m trying, one day at a time. 🙂
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Love this!
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Thank you! 🙂
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So true about finding friends who have been through it. Those were the only people I wanted to talk to when we were going through IF.
Hoping, hoping, hoping with and for you!!
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Thank you so much for all your hope! 🙂
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Your unwritten rules are awesome! I think so many of them could be applied to life in general. Hoping that the wait passes quickly!
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Thank you so very much my friend. I hadn’t noticed it, but you are right, many of my little rules can be applied to so many other things in life.
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I love this list! So, so, true…each and everyone of them!
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Thank you my friend! 🙂
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Well written. I really hope it happens soon for you both!
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Thank you! 🙂
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I recently had my baby. I’m 15. In my situation I knew I wouldn’t be able to keep my baby, I wouldn’t be able to give him the life he deserved. I have a very unique situation with the adoption. I would really appreciate it if you would go check out my blog. I’m trying to get more people to notice my blog so hopefully I can help anyone in a similar situation. Keep up the good work with your posts!
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