Reflecting on a Year Gone By
We’ve been truly involved in the adoption world for about a year now.
It was about this time last year that we went to the mandatory adoption class. And it was this time last year when we first told anyone we were planning to adopt when we asked our references to speak on our behalf. And just about a year since we started the formal adoption process and submitted our first set of paperwork and try to figure out the adoption process.
It’s amazing to think how much we’ve gone through just in relation to adoption. I cannot believe it’s only been a year.
Adoption seems to be like a marathon. You know the outcome will be worth it, yet you have to keep pushing yourself to get through it.
Waiting is hard work. Waiting for paperwork to be approved. Waiting for home study appointments. Waiting for agencies to review. Waiting for money to transfer. Waiting to be chosen. Waiting for a match. Waiting for baby to be born. Waiting for paperwork to be signed. Waiting to go home.
Waiting.
I hate waiting.
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Waiting for the most important person to come into your life…not easy! Waiting is even harder, I would imagine, when you have no idea how long you’ll be waiting. I sincerely hope your wait is over by this time next year, and next year at this time we’ll be reading a post from you about how you never thought the wait would be over, but it is, and you’re so happy for it. That is my wish for you for 2016. (Even better if it happens in 2015!).
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You are right, it’s not easy! In fact, at times it’s down right painfully hard.
But, I like your wish for me, and I so hope it comes true!! 🙂
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Waiting is the worst. The absolute worst. For me, it’s the hardest part of the infertility and loss journey, and I’d imagine it’s similar with adoption. It’s just yet another reminder that none of this is in our control. Hang in there, though. YOU GOT THIS!
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Yes, we have no control. Absolutely none. It’s a hard lesson to learn that’s for-sure!
Thanks for your vote of confidence! I figure we can get through all our stuff together, one day at a time. 🙂
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I recently listened to the adoption segment on the Beat Infertility podcast, and I’m amazed at how much those who adopt endure. I knew it was a lot, but my gosh. And after everything you went through prior to that! I admire your strength. You are an inspiration to so many!
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First, thank you for your kind words. I do hope by sharing our story I am able to help at least one person going through something similar whether it be pregnancy loss or adoption. Neither are easy, and I know I’ve taken comfort from others who have shared.
As for the adoption process, it really is no joke, it’s grueling. But I have to say, in many ways it was easier when we were going through the process of paperwork and home study appointments, because we felt like we were doing something. Now, the waiting, the sense of being helpless, it’s painful and agonizing at times.
Thank you again.
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I know how hard the waiting is. And like Lindsay said, it’s even harder when you have no idea how long you will be waiting for. I can relate, I think most of us can who are in this TTC world. I forgot to tell you the story of a friend of one of the vets that I work with, so I’ll just post it here to maybe give some others inspiration as well.
This women wasn’t able to have kids, I don’t know the reason why. They had tried IVF a few times and it didn’t work, so they turned to adoption. They had the books made like you did, and waited for a couple years with nothing happening. They decided to make a new book, highlighting all the adventurous things they do in and around Washington, DC (close to where we live). VERY shortly after revamping the book and sending it out again, she was contacted at work by someone stating that there was a woman in Ohio who had just given birth and wanted to speak with her and her husband on the phone immediately. She was in a panic, because she was at work, and her husband was unreachable, but of course she said yes. She was freaking out because she had no idea what the woman wanted to ask her, or what she would say, and she didn’t want to mess it up for her and her husband. The woman called, and all she wanted was to know what they would name the baby, the little boy she just gave birth to and couldn’t take care of herself. She told her the name they had chosen for a boy, but then quickly said “If you don’t like it, we don’t have to use it, we can name him whatever you want us to!” The birth mom said “No, don’t do that. (the name they chose) is here waiting for you to come pick him up.” And that was that, the deal was done. She just wanted to know what the baby’s name would be. So she left work and rushed around getting all the baby things they would need to pick him up, and as soon as her husband got out of work she told him and they got in the car and drove all the way up to Ohio to meet their new son. Apparently the birth father was not in the picture at all, and Ohio has a very short waiting period for the birth parents to change their mind, and a short time later they came home with their new son.
Of course when I heard this story I just started bawling, and I immediately thought of you. The sad part about all of this…she had developed cancer shortly after adopting this little boy. After many treatments and successes, we found out a few weeks ago that she had to have surgery to remove a tumor behind her eye. The cancer is now spread throughout her body, and there is nothing more that can be done to save her. It is just a matter of time before she will lose her fight. But she has been able to give that little boy a wonderful life while she was here. He’s about 6 right now. I do know this woman myself, I have worked with her when she filled in at other vet practices that I’ve worked at. While I don’t know her well, I do know that she’s a wonderful person, and an awesome mom.
Anyway, I just wanted to share her story of hope and patience with you. It sucks having to wait for who knows how long…but all it takes is that ONE person to see your book and fall in love with it, and everything will change in an instant.
Hoping beyond hope that you don’t have to wait too much longer to have your own story like this one! (Without any illness, of course!)
ps~sorry this is the longest comment ever!!!
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I love this story!! Thank you so much for sharing this little piece of inspiration! It’s stories like this that remind me that it will work out in the end. Our perfect little one is out there somewhere, and we are just waiting for our moment to become a family!
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You’re welcome! I’ve been meaning to tell you for a couple weeks, I just kept forgetting. Things will absolutely work out in the end…it just sucks that you have to wait so long without knowing anything in the mean time. If you need to vent, you know how to reach me!
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Ugh with the waiting. You have done it with such grace. Hoping the continued wait is short. Xo
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I’m not sure how graceful I’ve been! I’m pretty sure at times I’ve been the exact opposite of graceful, more like miserable. Thanks for your hope, I always appreciate it. 🙂
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I really hope that the new year brings great news and big changes for you and your family!! I know the waiting is miserable, but once that baby is with you, it will be just a memory.
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Thank you so much Caitlin. I think you are right, once baby is here this stress and anxiety will be a distant memory. I’m excited for that day! 🙂
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I hate waiting too – I’m the most impatient person in the world. The only way I can deal with it is to think of it in short increments for the next thing because you’re right – a marathon is a bloody long way. And when you start out, you can’t really imagine how much you’re going to have to go through to get to the end. And of course, when you get to the end, it’s the most amazing feeling ever… but the pain along the way is almost unbearable. I’ve done marathons and I can think of it like that. I guess… If we just keep going, even if we stop at times, even if we walk… We will eventually make it to the finish line.
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I feel like right now I need to slow down to a walk, but I just can’t. I’m pushing through at a run just hoping my body doesn’t give out on me. It’s a struggle, but I know it will be worth it. I just keep reminding myself that it will be worth it in the end.
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Waiting is no fun! It’s hard to believe it’s been a year already.
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I know you understand just how miserable waiting is! I hope we both aren’t waiting too much longer. 🙂
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This has definitely been an exercise in patience hasn’t it- both in time and dealing with the silliness of the system and these agencies. It’s also exciting once the ball gets rolling, because somehow, all of this waiting makes obtaining your wish even more special.
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I think you are right, the road we’ve both walked to becoming mothers will make our experience a little extra sweet. I think that’s our silver lining. 🙂
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I like to think that this just means you’re just one year closer to meeting your baby. It’s gonna happen, and when it does, we are going to have the biggest blog party in the history of blog parties.
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My friend, you are too sweet! 🙂
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I absolutely know how you are feeling. Waiting is beginning to feel like my middle name. People ask daily, “How is the adoption process going?”. Since we have finished all of our steps, the only answer I have is “Waiting”. It also is becoming harder for me to blog on anything other than waiting. lol. It is going to happen! Apparently it happens at the most in opportune time.. so I am just going to book lots of trips and events, hoping one will have to be cancelled due to new baby. 😉
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I so appreciate your understanding and commiserating. Now that we have finished all the adoption process steps, all we can do is wait and it’s so hard to be unable to do anything. But it is what it is, even if that’s driving me mad. 🙂 Anyways, waiting really is the worst!
We also tried booking trips and making a point to live in hopes that Karma would somehow make the match happen quicker. 🙂
I hope you (and I) don’t have to wait too much longer.
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I hope youre close to the finish line my friend. That is all. ❤️
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Thank you so much my friend. I hope the same for you!
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You have demonstrated the patience of a saint already! I do hope the wait is over soon. They say good things come to those who wait so it can only mean that your little one is going to be very special!
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I’m not sure I’ve demonstrated the patience of a saint! At times I have been much less gracious then that. 🙂
And thanks for that thought, I think you are right, our little one is going to be very special whenever they join our lives.
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The waiting is definitely the hardest part, I think, because it’s not linear. It’s not defined. There is no time frame. hugs
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