Just Another Day Of Adoption Waiting
Mr. MPB: Hey, we got an email from one of our adoption agencies.
Me (said from the shower): Oh ya, which one? What does it say?
Mr. MPB: ….
Me (yelling back from the shower): Huh?
.
After shower completed.
Me: Well, I’m guessing it’s not news of a match since you didn’t tell me what the email was about?
Mr. MPB: Of course not. You think I wouldn’t come interrupt your shower if it were a match?
Me: Okay, fair enough.
.
After reading said email.
Me: So, basically our profile book has been shown enough times that we have to fork out another $500, or more like $700 with the dollar conversion, to order more?
Mr. MPB: Yup. Pretty much.
Me: You know, it’s nice to know we are being shown. If we were adopting locally with the three year wait, we probably wouldn’t even be shown for another year or two. But, you know what sucks?
Mr. MPB: Ya, that we haven’t been chosen yet.
Me: Exactly. Anyways, I’ll take care of ordering and sending more books. Just expect another unexpected bill on our visa this month.
Mr. MPB: Fun times.
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My Perfect Breakdown 
Frustrating doesn’t even cut it! Im totally thinking from a dating site perspective – but is there a way you can spruce up your profile to make it appeal to more? Does the agency do it all for you or how does that work?
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With the request for more books we asked them about updating or changing our book design. They said not to at this point. It is professionally designed and printed, and they like to give them about 8 months before changes are made. The agency recommends a company to design them and prints them (when I say recommends, I actually mean requires us to use them). We pay for all of it, over and above any of the costs we were quoted. So, anyways, we keep going with the book as is and hope that this batch lands in the hands of the right birth family. And, if we get to the point of redesigning, then we pay for that before we print next time.
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Sounds so archaic. I’m sorry your experience has all this crap thrown in there.
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Like I said before…makes no sense! How many books have you had made already? And how many more do you have to make? And how many agencies are there that you need to send to? Maybe you don’t know the answer to that last one…it just seems like there would be a much easier way that they could do this!!!
On the up side…at least it’s being shown a lot! The more it’s shown, the more chances that you will be chosen. You have to try to see the up side in all of this!! *hugs*
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It truly makes no sense! I’m pretty sure most, if not all adoptive parents in the USA have online websites and profiles. We are not allowed to have them based on our international requirements (set by Canada, I think). I don’t think they realize just how expensive hard copy professionally printed books are! It’s simply ridiculous!
And you are right, we are holding onto the upside of this. The cost causes us heart palpitations, so we just cannot dwell in it.
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Well hopefully this will be the last batch of books you need to make, and you will be matched soon!
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OUCH. That is so harsh. Sending you loads of sympathy. I hope this new batch of books finds your future child.
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I too hope the new batch of books lands in the right birth mother’s hands! I’m really hoping we don’t have to pay for another batch in a few months time!
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I know nothing about this process you are going through but it seems unnecessarily expensive – why they don’t encourage electronic books or books that you borrow and return – so that intended parents can get into less debt and spend the money that they save on their future child! The lack of feedback must be so frustrating too. Good luck with this batch of books!
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I think most USA adoptive parents have websites/electronic books. One of the rules of my province in Canada is that we are not allowed electronic profiles or to advertise on the internet (hense of the reasons I have to keep blogging anonymously) so we are stuck paying for books. We just had no idea we’d be paying for so many book! I cannot believe they don’t seem to re-use them.
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Oh, and yes the process is unnecessarily expensive. And convoluted. And frustrating. Oh, and chaotic and stupid too. 🙂
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Oh man, that totally sucks! 😦
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Good grief! How many books in total will that get you? Does each birth mom who looks at your book keep it, then? Or how does that work?
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So, everyone is asking a question today that Mr. MPB and I have wondered about, but I haven’t even bothered to ask the agency. I know that once a potential match occurs, they courier books throughout the USA for the birth mom’s to look at. But then, I don’t know if the books end up with other agencies to be used again? If the birth mom’s keep them (I don’t rationally think that’s the case)? Or do they just get thrown out? Seriously, I have no idea! Maybe I should ask.
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Gosh that’s a lot of money!
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I’ve decided open infant adoption is just stupid expensive. Heck, the fact that this conversation happened and neither of us blinked an eye at another bill just goes to show how used to it we are getting. It’s nothing short of ridiculous!
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Yes, I am shocked over and over!
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I’m confused, what happened to all the other books? Are they just so worn out from people looking at them, that you need to order new ones?
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Ha! I guess once they send them out, they don’t get them back! I had no idea. And now I’m wondering if the birth mom’s who didn’t choose us still have them or if random agencies throughout the USA have them and could re-use them? Or do they just get thrown out? I have no idea, maybe I should ask. 🙂
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So frustrating! I’m sorry.. Do they keep the books? I’m not quite sure how the books work, but you’d think asking you to pay even more money wouldn’t be okay. Hugs…
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You know, I don’t know what happens to all the other books. I know they are sent out throughout the USA to potential matches. But,= after they’ve been looked at and we’ve been rejected, I don’t know if the books end up with other agencies to be used again? If the birth mom’s keep them (I don’t rationally think that’s the case)? Or do they just get thrown out? Seriously, I have no idea! I think I might just have to ask this question. 🙂
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I’m trying to only see the positive in this. Your book is making the rounds. That’s fantastic!
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That’s what we are holding onto! If we think too much about they money panic sets in, hence why our conversation didn’t go deeper! 🙂
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There has got to be a cheaper way of doing this!??!! That’s an extortionate amount that you will have paid out just for the books. But I suppose you can’t put a price on that one perfect match because after everything that goes into your book they will read it and choose you because they get to know and feel you are the right parents. It’s quite amazing when I think about how much work, time and $$$ goes into these books! You guys are awesome 🙂
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You’d think!! But, I’ve come to learn that adoption, particularly international adoption, is stupid expensive and unnecessarily convoluted. And frustrating too!
I just keep telling myself it will be worth it! And holding on to hope that we wont have too many more unexpected bills.
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I’m usually quick to ‘like’ a post, but I do not like this! Why do they need new books? Do the birth families get to keep the books? Or is it so that they can show you to multiple families at the same time? Why can’t they just make the adoption books something that they keep online and show to the birth family when they come into the agency? I don’t really expect you to answer any of this; it is just baffling and really upsetting. I’m certainly glad your shower wasn’t stopped because of this 😖
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I too do not like this!
As for the books, I have no idea what happens to them! I know that once a potential match occurs, they courier books throughout the USA for the birth mom’s to look at. But then, I don’t know if the books end up with other agencies to be used again? Do the birth mom’s who don’t choose us keep them? Or do they just get thrown out?
And as for why there is nothing online, that’s a stupid law locally in Canada. Most USA adoptive parents have online websites and profiles. We are not allowed to, so we get to print hard copies.
Really, the entire adoption process is just so broken. It frustrates the heck out of me and also breaks my heart at the same time.
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Again, I won’t like this because it breaks my heart a bit. It was more expensive, but my parents adopted through an adoption lawyer and the process was pretty painless. It seems impossible to me that the agencies would make it so difficult for someone who just wants to bring a child into their home. This stinks!! *hugs*
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Oh and me too (like library owl) – no books were involved in the adoption of me or my sib! Although it was completely different in our day – there was no matching. If you were approved to adopt then you just got the next kid to come available. A lot of people seem to think this is bad, but I think it’s just chance. You can’t predict what a baby’s going to end up like anyway so this convoluted matching process seems a bit arbitrary to me. My partner was also adopted as a baby and was actually offered to his family as they’d already adopted a baby. I can’t help thinking that people are making a lot of money out of this at the expense of desperate adoptive parents and first families. 😦
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I like your approach to this- hopefully this new batch lands in the hands of your future birth family!
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That’s really all we can focus on! Otherwise, we will both end up having mini panic attacks constantly.
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This reminds me of how we spent over $1000 to find out our surrogate was a former heroin addict. As you say: good times!
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Oh my gosh, the reality of this stuff is almost humorous….if only it weren’t our real lives!
I’m so sorry my friend. Just so sorry that all happened to you.
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They don’t show the same book to everyone? Do the birth moms keep the book? This seems wrong. We need to form our own adoption agency! Okay… maybe not the best idea. I’ll think on it though…
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Do you have an online profile or link to share? I’ve seen that work for a few couples down here.
I’m sorry you’re still waiting. I feel your pain.
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Huh. So this sounds a lot like surrogacy. Did you start off thinking that you’d pay one sum and then all of a sudden they’re there to collect it a second time for reasons that don’t make sense? And you hope that this is the last time you have to pay this chunk of money, but there is a real possibility you will have to pay it again? And in each category, the final cost comes to double or even triple the estimated cost? But, what can you do? You’re completely screwed. They have you over a barrel and they know it.
The last time we got an email like this for something, the cost was listed at $3500 for a retainer fee and $340/hour after that for a lawyer to file some paperwork and get a judge to agree to put our names on the birth certificate. Everyone else we’ve talked to says they paid about a $1500-2000 flat fee. But what can we do? Just not be the legal parents of our child?
It’s horrible!! It’s absolutely horrible to go through this kind of thing when you’ve already been through so much. I HATE that you are experiencing it too. I read through your comments and it’s absolutely asinine that you have to print out hard copies of books because of some stupid law in your province. The laws would be SO much better if the people who made them actually had to be in the position to use them.
The agency should be required to figure out a more cost effective way to get this done. My fear is that these books you have paid for and put so much into are ending up in the trash unnecessarily. I truly hope this is the LAST batch of books you have to buy!!!
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Yikes! That is expensive. I guess it is positive that they are showing your profile to so many. But seriously sucks that you have to order more.
I hope these next round of books get you, your child. ❤
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Thats crazy that they add on extra expenses like that when you are already forking over so much. I don’t understand why it can’t be online just because it’s an international process. I guess it’s god to focus on the positive that your book is being passed around to better increase your chances of getting chosen. xo
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Very frustrating! I’m in shock that there is no online option. I’ve never known anyone who had to make a printed book. Hang in there!
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Ugh!!! I find it insane that you had to pay a graphic designer to do your book instead of being able to make a scrapbook yourselves and being able to just make color copies of it if you need more. I’m sorry, Friend!
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I’m beyond pissed for you that you have to pay for this! There should be a digital way to set up your book so that you could create it yourself and then you wouldn’t have to pay any reproduction costs. As for having so many views, that is very exciting! I know it’s hard to not ask why there hasn’t been a match yet given so many birth moms/families have been looking at your profile, but the fact that they’re seeing your profile is great. I’m sending prayers that many of them are simply taking their time to decide and that you’ll get some good news with a match very soon! I’m still hoping for 2015!
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I’m sorry! Waiting without end on sight is so frustrating and then they keep adding costs? Why wouldn’t they reuse the books a few times? Hugs
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That’s rubbish. It would be more economical, better for yourselves and the environment to switch to pdfs instead but the cynic in me thinks that books are where the money is.
I’m sorry that’s very frustrating and annoying.
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Whoa. Everyone gets to keep a copy? That seems bizarre to me. I totally think the agencies should request them back (and cover the cost to get them back). I know they likely wouldn’t get every copy returned but it should help. I feel like I need to go back and reference why you chose open versus closed adoption? Was the wait supposed to be shorter?
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Wowzers. That must be so difficult! And frustrating! And expensive! I don’t understand why they can’t do it electronically, or if you don’t get picked (horrible thought) that the book is returned. Otherwise what happens to all the spare books?!
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It’s against the law for us, as Canadians, to have an electronic profile – some law probably written before the Internet even existed. Most US citizens have online profiles and aren’t dwaling with thus. It’s so frustrating!
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Well I hope they see how much effort has gone into your book. Like a written letter vs email… You have put your heart and soul into it.
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How frustrating to have to spend so much money! Do they not give the books back once they decide not to go with you? I don’t see the point of hanging on to a book that I’m not going to be using. Could one of these birth families potentially change their minds and pick you? Ugh…this process is so taxing…I can only imagine all of the emotions you guys are going through…
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I really do need to ask what happens to our books. I suspect they are just trashed since paying to courier them back to the agency probably isn’t worth it because some get damaged and/or lost by the agency they were sent to, and it’s a pain to mail things around. And really, the cost doesn’t matter to them since the reality is we pay for everything anyways. It still doesn’t make sense to me, but when it comes to adoption I’m learning it’s not meant to make sense.
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