My Village

  Posted on November 5, 2015 By

 27 Comments

A wonderful blogger, friend and mother wrote a post earlier this week about her village, and it really struck a cord with me.

We all have our villages.  They all look and feel differently.

Some people have giant families and copious amounts of friends to turn to.

Some people have online communities.

Some people have a mix of online friends and real life friends.

Some people have small families.

Some people have a small circle of close friends.

Some others work to build their own villages of friends when they are not near to the village they have depended on for years.

Sometimes villages change and flow, as people may enter for a short period of time and sometimes they are there forever.

I could go on, but the point is simple, all of our villages, they are all unique and they matter.

They matter so darn much.

I’d be utterly lost without mine.

We chose to live in a city where we have no family, in part because we knew we needed space to be ourselves and in part due to pure economics.  By living far away from family we’ve learned that we get to build our own chosen family.  This isn’t to say we don’t love and appreciate our families, it just means that on a daily basis we are not connecting with them.  And, going through 5 miscarriages reinforced that we get to choose who is part of our chosen family, and sometimes that choice results in the changing of friendships, and that’s okay.  And so our chosen family is our village.

And a village is not constructed on genetics.  A village is constructed by amazing people (or at least mine is).  In the last few years I have really come to believe that family has absolutely nothing to do with genetics, but everything to do with your village.  And of course, coming from a blended family and as an awaiting adoptive mom, I truly believe this.   The power of love to connect people is deeper then anything else in the world.

Honestly, learning to lean into special people in my real life village and sharing my vulnerability has been a huge task for me.  And now, I meet one very special friend for lunch every few weeks and I’m grateful for our conversations, sometimes about absolutely nothing and other times about the big and hard stuff.  I also now spend time with other waiting adoptive mom’s as we become fast friends in part because we understand the wait the losses that we have in common.  Really, I just cherish my beautiful friendships with so many amazing people and I value the depth and love that comes from them.

And, if I’m talking about my village I cannot neglect to mention the power of the village that has developed in our lives as a direct result of My Perfect Breakdown.  While I had no idea the power of a blog until I stared My Perfect Breakdown, I now realize it’s strength is awe inspiring.  Opening myself up to an entirely new village, those I’ve met through My Perfect Breakdown, has been life altering for me and Mr. MPB too.  I share almost everything about myself, and I am almost fully accepted for who I am and encouraged along the way.  I receive amazing advice, constructive criticisms and copious amounts of love on a nearly daily basis.  The wonderful friends I have throughout the world, well, I don’t even have words to explain just how important you are all to me.

In the last few years I’ve really come to see the value in having a village that is right for me, and I am so very so excited to be able to bring our child up in our unique MPB village.   And, now that our village consists of amazing people throughout the world, I’m even more excited to raise our child surrounded by so much positive energy and love.  As someone who recently reached out to me via my blog, said perfectly:

There are no strangers when one person truly wants to send another soul love.

– Mia Frost (quoted with permission).

Not a day goes by that I’m not thankful for our village.

I anticipate that the entire MPB village will show our child that anyone who loves and shares compassion is a good person, and is someone you want to be able to call your friend.

I hope by surrounding ourselves with amazing people our child will grow up knowing what it feels like to be loved and supported by amazing people.  And, I hope this will help them be a compassionate and loving human being who supports others in their time of need and loves unconditionally.

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 Category: Family, Friends      Tags: , , , , , , , , , ,

27 Comments on “My Village”

  1. I agree, a village is so important. I’ve always been jealous of those with tons of family and friends around them who have a ready-made village. But there is also something so special about making your own tailor-made village. I am grateful that YOU are part of my village! Xo.

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  3. Thank you so much for the shout-out and link! I appreciate you sharing my little blog with your readers – your village!

    Speaking of – thank you for being a part of my virtual village. It’s been a pleasure getting to know you, and I feel so excited that I get to watch the next leg of your journey unfold!

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  4. I love this post and your timing couldn’t be more perfect. This week I have been feeling a little disgruntled with my village for various reasons. But in the end I couldn’t do this without the family, friends, teachers, therapists, and all the virtual village people have been able to connect with via my blog. I even wrote a post about my feelings and titled it “Cracking Up” but I am not going to post it. Because in the end, I know that no matter what is said, what articles are emailed to me or posted on my FB wall, or how many different ways they give me the same suggestions that I politely disregard, I know that no harm is meant and I am profoundly grateful that so many people are interested in the well-being of my daughter. Sometimes I just need to step back and remember that point and this was a great reminder so thank you!

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    • I can so relate to the being frustrated sometimes with well-meaning suggestions that actually result in frustration and annoyance from those within our villages – it seems that because these people are part of our support structure, they are also the ones who can annoy and even hurt us the most. But as you say, sometimes we just need to take a step back and appreciate that they are interested and they trying because without our villages we would be absolutely lost.
      P.S. thank you for being part of my village! 🙂

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  5. Such a lovely post! I agree 100%. Some
    Of the people we are the closest to are not family members in the traditional sense and sometimes our genetic family is the one that lets us down the most. Your village sounds amazing and your future children are lucky to have you as a part of their village!

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  8. This is fabulous! It seems like you’ve definitely surrounded yourself with some absolutely fabulous people who have helped you get through a lot. Though i wish I had more people in my real life that I could turn to the way that I do you guys, I am absolutely eternally grateful for all of you that I have here! I’m glad that I can be part of your village! 🙂

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    • I’m like you, I wish I had a few more people in real life, but I am also thankful for everyone in my virtual world! Honestly, thankful just isn’t a good enough word to describe how much you mean to me! Thank you for being part of my village and for allowing me to be part of yours. 🙂

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      • You’re more than welcome, and thank you to you, too!! You’ve definitely helped to get me through some rough times, and that means the world to me!

        Liked by 1 person

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