Adoption

  Posted on September 16, 2015 By

 88 Comments

So, I got an email that lead my heart to skip a beat and almost literally jump out of my chest.

Not many things cause me such a reaction.

This email caught my eye immediately as it was from someone at one of our adoption agencies that I’ve never heard of before.  The subject line consisted of one simple word – Adoption.

Honestly, I had a lump in my throat seeing the email on my screen.

And then, I swept into action as I scrambled to open an email quicker then I ever have before (which is almost comical as I had my cell phone, my tablet and my computer all within a few inches of me when I saw the email notification flash on my screen, and I had this awkward moment of not knowing which devise would be the quickest to open and read).

My brain was racing quicker then my little fingers could move.  I had thoughts of an immediate placement and a baby waiting for us, a scramble to meet with doctors and review reports, a chaotic rush to book flights and meet our baby.  The image of our child entered my mind (which interestingly is the first time I’ve had a real picture of our actual baby in my mind as its a bit hard to picture a child whose genetics you don’t know anything about).

20141016 - 100HappyDays_Day96Excitement, hope and fear were racing through my veins.

My mind was racing a million miles a second.

Hoping for a match.

Hoping for a placement.

Hoping for our child.

While my mind raced in a moment of unlimited possibilities, my eyes scanned the email.

As I read, my mind began to digest the fact that there was no news of a match or an imminent placement.

My heart sank.  It was as if I could the lump in my throat dissolve the further I read.

The email, actually had nothing to do with us.  It was simply providing an annual update from the agency regarding all their current activities.

Today was not our day.

In the end, in a matter of mere second, this innocent email that got my hopes higher then they ever have been and brought me crashing back down just as quickly.

And now I am sitting here thinking about how hard the wait really is.  I feel as though with each passing week I am getting more and more restless.

In the end, this email was simply a reminder of how brutal the adoption wait can be.

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 Category: Adoption      Tags: , , , , , , , , ,

88 Comments on “Adoption”

  1. I remember these feelings so well – the thrill of a potential baby, the waiting….the ‘should I email the social worker, or am I being too eager?’, more waiting, the ‘she chose another family’, the sinking feeling in your stomach, the resolve to pick yourself back up and wait some more. It’s torturous, but I promise, when it’s your baby, somehow you’ll understand why the other ones were meant for someone else.

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    • First, thank so much for sharing that you understand what I’m going through right now. Honestly, it’s always nice to hear from someone who get it. I particularly appreciate the “should I email the social worker” comment – it is totally playing with my mind lately. It’s hard to keep waiting, and to try to be patient about it!

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      • I always emailed the social worker even though she swore she would let us know, it was never fast enough for my time frame.

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  2. I read the title of your post and immediately leaned forward in my chair in anticipation of an update. I didn’t feel like I could read fast enough. I cannot imagine how much more amplified it must feel on your end. I’m sorry for the continued wait and the let down.

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    • I intentionally wrote the post to mimic how I felt as I read the email, so from a writing perspective I’m almost glad to hear that you felt the similar emotions.
      And thank you so much for your support through all of this.

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  3. Man, they really need to work on coming up with a better subject line for those emails! Seriously. Seems you can’t escape the roller coaster of emotions no matter what! I’m sorry they teased you like that, and I hope the next email is THE email.

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    • I so want off this roller coaster because then I can get on with life and maybe go on a real-life roller coaster with our kid one day. 🙂
      Thanks so much for your hope and support. I too hope the next one is THE one!

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  4. I’m with Kitten. How callous and hurtful to title such an email with that word. How many other expectant parents also had their hopes raised in that moment, they should think a little harder. Hoping you get a placement soon.

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  5. Ughhhh! What a fake out! I’m sorry. I cannot imagine how hard this must be — never knowing when that call or email might come. Sending big hugs to you.

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  6. Shoot, I was hoping for the same good news. What a letdown, I’m sorry. Hopefully soon you’ll get the email you’ve been waiting for. Hugs.

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  8. It’s too bad they didn’t use something more specific for their email subject, like “Annual Update for Blahblah Adoption Agency”. That’s hard to be reminded of the wait, and knowing that it’s out of your control. On the other hand, I found it really sweet that you pictured your potential child for the first time 🙂

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    • Yes! You think like me (which really isn’t a surprise to me anymore), the subject line should have been just a bit more descriptive.
      And yes, it was really interesting to notice that I pictured life with our child for the first time. It was exciting. 🙂

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  10. This is awful! I can’t imagine how high your hopes must have been, and considering how disappointed I’m feeling for you, you must be devastated. I’m sorry 😒

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  11. Agh! That sucks my friend. As a professional communications person the title of that subject line drives me nuts. Wouldn’t that person realize that an “adoption” subject line would send a tornado of hope into every person’s life that is on that distribution list? Seriously, use some common sense.

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  12. The wait can seem eternal! I am so sorry you had these dashing emotions throwing you off your day. It can be difficult! Almost two years into the wait, with at least a year left, I feel that some days are easier than others. Lately, I have felt pretty peaceful about the wait. I have no idea why I have calmed down! I can only hope for you to find some space in the wait as well. Hopefully you don’t have too long to go! Thinking of you!

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  13. Ugh…I could feel your excitement as I read, and honestly kept skipping things to read faster and get to what the news was! What a let down. They could have been a little more informative with the subject of the email. I’m sorry you had such a let down. I heart deflated a little just reading this. I wish I could tell you to come over and hang out with me and we could maybe make each other feel better about the waiting BS. But know that I’m thinking about you! *hugs*

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  17. My heart was racing reading this post so I can only imagine actually experiencing it. Hope the rest of your wait is short and you get good news soon!

    My husband and I just mailed out agreements and checks to our agency yesterday and should be an official “waiting family” before tomorrow is over. I’m so nervous for the waiting part but also a bit relieved to know its all out of my hands now!

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    • I am so excited for you to be officially waiting!! (Which is kind of funny, because I am now finding that waiting has turned out to be the hardest part of this journey for me so far). But, what’s really amazing about waiting is that it means you are through all the paperwork and you never know, you could get a call at any moment!
      Also, thanks for your hope! I hope you get good news really soon too. 🙂

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  18. I did the same thing when the title of your post showed up in my own email address. They shouldn’t title the emails “adoption” to expectant parents when it’s just a newsletter! It’s insensitive. I can only imagine what you’re going through my friend…

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    • I thought I’d share exactly how it happened for me, with the same subject line and all. It definitely wasn’t ideal, but I’ve since realized maybe they don’t send emails about matches, rather they phone people. It does seem like a situation that warrants an actual phone call.

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  19. That’s shit hon:( Maybe an email pointing this out to them might save yourself and others seeing and feeling this way? It’s not very smart of them or sensitive…

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  20. My heart rose and sunk right along with you as I read this post. I can imagine your hopes soaring and crashing and it SUCKS. I am so sorry you experienced that. They really ought to be more mindful of their subject lines!

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    • Yes, it really does suck! I have since realized that maybe they don’t send emails about matches, instead they phone? It does seem like a situation where a phone call might be in order.

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  21. Ugh I wish there was a better system for this. I can only imagine the roller coaster. Hugs to you my friend.

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  22. Aww man! They need to put something different in the subject line. Hopefully you’ll be receiving a good news email soon – hang in there!

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    • Yes, a new subject line is a great idea! And, I’ve realized maybe they don’t send emails like this, instead they phone? I’m now banking on a phone call because if nothing else it means I wont get my hopes up with a future email.

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  23. I got so excited when i saw the title. I cant imagine how you must have been feeling.
    Im so sorry it wasn’t what you were hoping for.
    I truly hope your wait isn’t a long one.
    Much love to you

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  26. I’m sorry friend. You managed to successfully reproduce the same excitement and then let down in your post too. I wish you’d be matched quickly too. Both because I hate to see you so restless waiting, but also because I know you two are top notch.

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    • Thank you my friend. I figure it was only fair to share the exact emotions I was feeling, and so I’m flattered to hear that I was able to reproduce the emotions.
      I hope you and your entire growing family are doing well!!

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  27. Today while at lunch with a friend I thought of you. My friend who is 39 is childless. She says she probably doesn’t want children. I myself don’t have children not for a lack of trying.

    We talked about the infertility treatments and how we’ve both known people who’ve spent thousand of $ on IVF and how the women have changed emotionally and physically through the ordeals. Then my friend said, “People should just adopt. There are so many children out there.” Yikes! I’m sure she hasn’t explored this arena and as YOU well know, it’s not like you fill out a little form and in less than 90 days you have your perfectly healthy newborn, with your choosing of sex of course, right away.

    BUT I didn’t have that conversation with her. I’m sure she can’t really believe that adoption is that easy. You are the living example.

    Hang in there! Somehow, even though I’m not psychic, I feel that you will get that letter, that true letter or maybe it will be a phone call that you have a baby coming your way! 🙂

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    • You know, you always amaze me. I’ve come to learn that in many ways she is right – there are many children out there, but they are children within the foster system and many, myself included, don’t actually want to adopt these children for many reasons (i.e. not many infants, unknown history, government system is so broken, etc.). It’s sad, it’s scary and it’s a freaking cruel world and quite frankly my husband and I are only perpetuating this as we’ve chosen a private open adoption. You’ve got me thinking, I might just have to write a post on this….
      And, thank you for your support. I too hope our wait isn’t much longer! And now I really hope it’s a call and not an email. 🙂

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      • I really hope you get your well-deserved baby soon, Although, I must admit there willl be a little bit let down as a reader when that day comes. I love living here in the moment, rooting for you … but then I’m sure you won’t stop blogging about the adopt experience either. You’ve got to drop some baby pics even if they will have the big black bar across the eyes in a dark shadowy photo held by an amorphous he/she figure.

        Sometimes I’m think I’m lazy when I read your posts by not pursuing adoption myself.

        I ran into this couple on the train while onto to Cinque Terre Italy (doesn’t really matter the destination) … I told him I recently read a quote that talked about having kids and going to Venice. If you you make a list about not not having them or going there … you would do either … but both are worthwhile. He laughed.

        Anyway, ,rep your head in the clouds with your your feet firmly planted on the grounds. I believe your day will come. 🙂

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      • I imagine the first few weeks with baby I might not post quite as much, but I do plan to continue to blog. Yet, I don’t even know what that will look like. Parenting? Adoption birth parent relationships? Second adoption? Dealing with a screaming baby while trying to work and parent? I dunno, so many possibilities. If only I had that crystal ball! 🙂
        Also, I don’t think for a second that you are lazy for not pursuing adoption. Seriously, sometimes (i.e. frequently) I think that I’m the crazy one for pursuing it!

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  31. Ok this had me on the edge of my seat. You definitely captured the disappointment with your words cause i am feeling it for you too. I am hoping so much that this happens for you soon! Xx

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    • I figure if I had my emotions brought up and then right back down, I’d share it just like it happened. While note the point, I really do appreciate knowing that I captured the emotions I was feeling.
      And, thank you so much for your hope! 🙂

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  33. Oh that is sucky! I would feel like sending in a suggestion that they review their email etiquette regarding email content with specific reflection on writing appropriate subject lines. That is ridiculous and kinda mean.
    I’m sorry this email was not “your” email, I surely hope the next one is 🙂

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    • Thanks for getting it! Yes, I was totally disappointed with the email. But now I realize I will likely not be told about an adoption via email, but rather via a telephone call. So, maybe I just shouldn’t get too excited when an email comes no matter what.

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      • Actually you are probably right, that does deserve a call. In fact if someone sent an email to my personal address I wouldn’t get it until after 5pm which would be too late to call them and then I would probably be put out that they didn’t call me hahaha.

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  38. Oh, how disappointing that would be… I’m so sorry you had such a rollercoaster because of the subject heading. The wait IS really hard, and it’s hard not to read into any possible thing that could bring THE news you’re waiting for with baited breath. I’m sorry you had a moment of hope that was dashed so quickly.

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  39. I am not sure I seen this post. I feel like if i don’t get on at least twice daily I miss some post 😦 & Yes those emails get me EVERY time. I finally asked my case worked to specify what the email was in the subject like (ex:paperwork; signature) because it really drives me crazy as soon as I see that. I will be praying that you get your news soon.

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