Rainbows & Unicorns – Guest Post
I was asked to write a piece for the new blog – Rainbows & Unicorns. A blog dedicated to parenting after pregnancy loss and infertility.
My first thought was, wow, they want to hear from me? I am humbled and honoured anytime I’m asked to write for another blog.
But, then rather quickly, I moved onto, really me and a parenting after loss blog? I hadn’t thought of myself as being part of the real parenting club yet. Do I really belong there? Yes, I’m living after pregnancy loss. But I’m not parenting, we are just waiting on our adoption, that’s not the same. Our nursery is missing the most important part, a baby. I still do not get to give our child love and kisses constantly. And, I still do not have to balance my needs for a bathroom break with that of a screaming infant while not having slept in what feels like a month.
So, I tentatively accepted the request. And then I proceeded to take a very long time trying to figure out what to write. And eventually, once I followed my heart and wrote exactly what I was thinking, I came up with something.
The editors decided to publish it today. I’m honoured to be part of this new initiative and I look forward to the day that I no longer feel like an impostor. And I promise, if they invite me back, I’ll write again once my arms are filled with baby snuggles!
If you are interested, feel free to check out this excellent blog and my post, Am I An Impostor?
If you like this post, please feel free to share it and please click the follow button on the side or return to myperfectbreakdown.com to follow my journey.
My Perfect Breakdown 
I can see why they published it. I can imagine it speaks to a lot of people. Even though we didn’t go through adoption, I still feel like an outsider in Mom’s groups sometimes. Most of the time I feel just like everyone else until a flippant fertile comment is made or discussion about ‘when’ to have another comes up. Then I am back to being Infertile. Every time I read a post I am filled with hope for you. I can’t wait until so many of these emotions are in the past for you.
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Oh, the innocence of the fertile people and their comments – an innocence I’d love to have and yet on some level I truly appreciate that I don’t and that I’ve learned to think before I speak (usually).
Thank you for sharing. It’s amazing that so many of us don’t feel like we belong because our path to our children was so darn challenging and it now effects so much of our lives. But, I do know one thing about you, an it’s one of the most important things – you are an amazing mommy!! You inspire me everyday!
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I felt like an outsider in mum’s group too, and withdrew when everyone went on to have second and third kids. I am so proud of you for writing this!
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Thank you so much for sharing your similar feelings. And as always, thank you for your encouragement.
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I think you did a great job writing this! You’re not an impostor, you’re just in a different kind of waiting game. You’ll have the same outcome, you just don’t have a set time to expect it. *hugs*
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Thanks Amy! It’s a weird place to be, but hopefully the wait isn’t too much longer! 🙂
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Fantastic article…very validating! I feel like I always need to explain myself in baby stores or when people see baby things in our home. I hope we can move along from feeling out of place to a feeling of belonging!
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Thank you for sharing and understanding my perspective. I also really appreciate the validation of these thoughts! If nothing else we will always belong together!
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I get it. I do. Because as a foster mommy…I sometimes feel like an imposter. I know it’s silly but sometimes I let the feelings and negative thoughts get to me.
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It’s not silly, it’s reality! It’s hard to always be miss sunshine and roses, we are allowed days where th negativity gets to us – the goal though, at least for me (and I suspect you) is to move back to positive before we get stuck in the bad thoughts. And my friend, you are doing great! You are are amazing mommy!!
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Left a comment on the guest blog x
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As soon as I turn my computer on (I’m still sitting in bed) I’ll go read it! 🙂
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I loved your post. And you know what? If I ever wind up in a baby and mommy class, I’m going to LOOK HARD for that woman who’s standing there quietly, not sharing her birth story and breastfeeding struggles, and go hang out with her. Because hoo brother, I bet we’ll have a lot to talk about, and I’ll need her as a friend just as much as she’ll need me.
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What a wonderful idea!!! I too will approach the women who is slightly awkward an not sharing, because you are right, her and I (and you) are likely tightly bound from our shared experience of IF an loss.
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Proud of you! What a great post.
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Thank you!
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Congrats and great article! I haven’t immersed myself in the process quite as much yet, but I will be on your heels! Excited for you and this journey together!
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Thank you so much! I too am excited to be on this journey with you! 🙂
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That is fantastic! Of course they wanted an article from you, you’re amazing 🙂
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Thank you so very much. I’m blushing as I read this. 🙂
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I feel this way too-even with the baby bump. I think after so many years of trying to protect myself against the pain of loss and lack of ability to get pregnant on my own I never really let myself believe we’d be parents. I hope it gets better eventually and I’ll no longer feel like an imposter, but I can’t say for sure. For now, I’m so thankful for people like you and the Rainbows & Unicorns group!
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Thank you so much for sharing and letting me know that I’m not alone in these feelings! And I really appreciate hearing that this is a normal feeling for someone who is actually pregnant.
Here’s to hoping we both get over our impostor feelings at some point. 🙂
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