On Being Positive
I try really hard to be positive. I try really hard to focus on the good. I try exceptionally hard to see at least a glimmer of hope all the time.
But you know, not every day is great. It doesn’t always come easy to me.
For me, often being positive takes effort. My early life events have taught me not to get my hopes too high. So, my natural perspective has always been that of realistic, I feel that I am fairly grounded in my expectations.
While I hold onto hope, I also do not get over the top excited for most things. I know this is partially grounded in my fears of things going wrong and my desire to keep the potential hurt to a minimum.
So, while sometimes it is hard, I’ve made a decision to be as positive as possible. Maybe not over the top optimistic about everything, but at least positive about my life and making a positive impact on the world.
This means that sometimes being positive can take a conscious effort on my part. Some days I feel myself sliding into a rut. I end up seeing the worst in people. Feeling down. Or just being grouchy. I let my hurt from years of losses, feelings of family neglect or hurtful people dictate my emotions. Sadly, too often, I give these events and people the power to influence my daily life.
And yet, looking back I realize that the more I practice being positive, the easier it it.
I look back at the last year and I am thankful that I was able to take time to focus on the good things in life. I am thankful that I was able to indulge in 365 days of happy to remind myself of the simple pleasure of life. I am thankful that I have a supportive husband who tries to make me smile and reminds me that I am very much loved every single day.
I look forward to the future, and I realize that we will be okay. I realize that I cannot predict the future, but I can do my very best to make it great with each and every decision I make. As someone wise recently said:
Even if you don’t have a garden, you can make one.
Even if your grass isn’t green, or you can’t grow grass… You can dream it up.
– Nara
And so, today I commit to continuing to dream and continuing to make my garden greener, with flowers blooming brighter and more vibrant every day.
My life may not be what I once thought it would be, but you know, it is pretty darn good.
I am pretty fortunate for the amazing people I have in my life. And, I look forward to many more days where I experience happy tears because I am overcome by joy and love from those in my life.
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I was just talking with my friend online who told me I should have some PMA- positive mental attitude…so this is a timely post to read, thank you!!
I was also talking to the nurses yesterday after my egg retrieval about how they thought I was super calm and positive, how did I achieve this? I told them that I blog and follow bloggers who have been through all this before-one of the nurses pointed out that this is often more dangerous than beneficial. I replied that I only surround myself with positive people. “Ahhhh, that’s the key then?” …yes, mostly!
Being positive is difficult on your own, letting family and friends help you out is a fine balance (because sometimes family you can’t choose).
I love Nara’s perspective too!
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I’m shocked that a nurse would actually say to you right after a retrieval that it’s often more dangerous than beneficial – I’m hoping she wasn’t meaning to scare you, but I know it wouldn’t have been a good thing for me to hear on such a critical day. But, good for you for stating the truth – surrounding ourselves with positive people is absolutely key. In fact, I’d say it’s a must.
Before all of this, I often let negative people influence my life, now, I’m just not interested and people who bring me down aren’t worth my time. I know this now and I hope to always remember this valuable life lesson.
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Beautifully put. I think it’s very natural to feel negative, especially after all that you’ve been through, but I 100% agree that it’s much better for you – physically and mentally – to try and be positive. I struggle with this myself as well, but am trying to work on it. Good for you for seeing the lovely blessings which you have xxx
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Thanks for sharing your understanding. I think you are right, once we are in the world of RPL, it’s hard to stay positive. But, the best thing we can do for ourselves is at least try. I’m glad you are also trying.
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Just Beautiful!
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Thank you. 🙂
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Beautiful post… I am very much the same as you. Trying to see the positive, and somedays that does take work 💜
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I’m glad you too are trying to stay positive, even when it requires a bit of extra work. 🙂
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I agree that somedays it is tough work to stay positive. The days are so much better when we are able to reflect on the good rather than focus on the negative, but it’s tough when we are in the situations that we find ourselves in. xo
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You are right, it is tough some days! And being in the IF/RPL world, our realities are sometimes just so horrible that it’s hard to find the positive.
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I am the same way – before any vacation – people ask, “Are you excited?” and the answer is normally no because so many things got cancelled and messed up for me since childhood. Now, I only get excited about, for instance, vacation when I am on my way to the destination. It is easy to get disappointed, but I try to be positive too – knowing that the next positive won’t be too far away if I have dip down in the meantime. Of course, much easier to think when depression isn’t looming… Hugs to you!
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I totally get your vacation example – it’s such a relate-able example. 🙂
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I can always count on you to beautifully write about something we all (I think?) experience and feel. I try very hard to be positive, but I also realize that I’m only human and some days and events in life just downright suck. We don’t have to be Susie Sunshine day in and day out.
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Awe, thanks! Like we discussed over on your post today, there is something to be said about being real too. And forcing ourselves to always be positive or sunshiny just isn’t realistic. I don’t know, but I suspect for most people it takes effort to see positivity during lives hardest moments.
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Hello! Shucks at the quote… Makes me sound like some sort of Pollyanna, which I can assure you I’m not! Unless she turned into a cynical bat in her old age! 😉 Funnily enough I just wrote a post about something like this, which as per usual is very long and blethery but ultimately is about recognising that some of my reactions to negative things happening were natural and understandable. Bad things happen to good people, and vice versa… You can’t be expected to be optimistic all the time. But I feel like I can try and rationalise how I’m feeling, and my reaction to it.
I actually read a funny pop sci book a while ago on the cult of positivity and how it has no scientific basis in determining outcomes! It was quite fun as I was feeling a bit cynical at the time! 🙂
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I thought your quotes were spot on! And they just helped get me thinking, so thank you. 🙂
I’m behind on your blog, but plan to catch up tomorrow night while I’m sitting in a hotel room – it seems like a great time to read. 🙂
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Positivity is such a hard thing to have sometimes. I can relate with your post. I wish there was some words of wisdom I could give to you. But truthfully hope and positivity are so hard to keep. Especially with so many negative factors looming over our heads. One thing I have learned lately is that some people just don’t have a place in my life. The ones who are constantly bringing me down and want to see me suffer… I already am hard enough on myself. I don’t need anyone else making me feel horrible. Sending you a big bear hug.
Sometimes on hard days, I look at motivational quotes from Pintrest and try to focus my sadness into health and exercise. I kind of feel like I did so much of this the last two year, I lost myself in fitness. Which I guess isn’t that bad of a place to be.
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I think you are right about people not automatically having a place in our lives – it’s simply not a right. I think if there is one thing that RPL has taught me it’s that people must earn the ability to influence my life, and in part of earning that ability they must offer a positive influence on me. Not everyday, but just overall. Like you, I’m already hard enough on myself, I don’t need help with that.
And, I really like your idea of looking at motivational quotes and exercise on bad days. Thanks for sharing!
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Anytime ❤
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Some days are diamonds, some days are stones. This is true for even the most positive of people. A healthy dose of realism is ok and bad days are a reality of life. What sets you apart of a lot of others is a willingness to work on there being more diamond days. You are doing great at that! X
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I love your perspective and your encouragement – thank you.
As an aside, I also love that you call them diamond days – Mr. MPB and I have a running joke about diamonds in which I ask for them all the time even though I am in no-way a diamond wearing kind of girl. 🙂
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haha I can’t take credit for that line. It is an oooooold John Denver song (I think) that my dad used to listen to. Let me go find the link. It’s an olide this one! hehe
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I try to stay positive most of the time, too…it just doesn’t always work. I have my down days, but for the most part I try to see the good in things, and think the best of people, even if deep down I know that I’m wrong.
That quote kind of reminds me of the book “Flowers in the Attic”…even though the kids were locked up in a dark, gloomy place, they were able to decorate with paper flowers and make it a happy area. I think it’s a good lesson that we all need to work on in our every day lives. Even if things aren’t what we ideally want them to be, we need to make the most out of what we DO have. 🙂
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This post resonates with me so much. Sometimes it is also hard for me to stay positive, but I do try my best. You are doing an amazingly good job.
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