Hotel
In my old professional life I spent a lot of time in hotels. I was on the road a lot. Sometimes travelling thousands of miles by car a week. Sometimes I’d be gone one or two night a week, and other times I’d be gone 4 nights a week.
I always enjoyed the new scenery. I loved seeing remote areas where nature is abundant. Especially during the summer when the weather was good and driving was easy as the days were long so there was lots of sunlight.
I despised winter travel – I hate being on the road far from civilization during cold days and dark nights.
The hotels are usually decent, but not always. In fact, one time I stepped in the room, turned around and marched out to the front desk and demanded a new room that had been cleaned (I’ll spare you the details, I’ll just say there were used feminine products in the bathroom and that was just the beginning of the problems). And thanks to a former colleague’s paranoia, I now include a bed bug inspection before I climb into bed.
I learned the difference in good hotel gyms and bad hotel gyms. And good hotel pillows/beds versus bad pillows/beds.
The breakfasts in the hotels are always the same and are greasy and gross. If I’m lucky there will be a couple pieces of ripe(ish) fruit and some camomile tea. If I am unlucky I’ll be stuck hungry and hoping to find somewhere decent for lunch.
But for me, the absolute worst part of this type of travel was the nights away. I hate sleeping in hotels by myself. I miss Mr. MPB and I miss my dog. And I just cannot relax enough to get a good night sleep.
And then, I discovered that things could be worse when I was traveling. Having a miscarriage in a hotel room is far from ideal. Visiting an emergency room thousands of miles away from Mr. MPB to find out our second baby was dying and scrambling to get on the next flight home without really understanding what was going on – also not ideal. I became petrified of being away from home and losing another baby, I started refusing to travel overnight for work. I became so scared that the travel might be causing the miscarriages (it wasn’t, but there was no telling me that while we were in the thick of it). And so I’ sit hear realizing that tonight is the first time I’ve been away over night without Mr. MPB since our second miscarriage.
.
In my new professional life, as a self-employed consultant, I have a lot more say on my work and therefore my travel. If a project will require too much travel, I wont do it. I’ve learned what really matters to me/us, and we know that extensive travel is just not an option anymore.
Photo Source (Adapted from original): Office.com Clip Art
But this week, right now in fact, for the first time in well over a year, I’m in a hotel again. I spent my day driving and my evening in a grueling meeting, but it was good and productive and things are generally good. It’s just been a horribly long day and I didn’t even get to my hotel until after 11pm. I’m sleepy and yet realize I’m unlikely to sleep much at all tonight – not a great combination for tomorrow.
I’m actually sitting in the hotel room as I write this. The hotel is pretty new so I’m not worried about spending the night in a dive. The bed bug inspection proved pointless (thankfully). It’s a decently comfortable king size bed. I’ve checked to make sure the door to the room is locked at least 3 times. And now I’m hoping to fall asleep sometimes before I have to get up in the morning for my next meeting at 8am.
It’s funny, I’m sitting here and I feel rather thankful that I don’t do this as much as I used to. I’m thankful that I don’t live in hotels like I used to. I’m thankful most mornings I have my full wardrobe to choose from, not a few items wrinkled in a bag. I’m thankful that so far self-employment is working well for me.
And most of all, I’m thankful that I’ll be back home sometime today!
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First of all, I’m really happy that you’ve found your groove as far as work is concerned again. I know you struggled with that for so very long, and it’s nice to see you happy with it again 🙂
Second…I actually like staying in hotels! Yes, I’ve ended up staying in a few not great ones, but overall I’ve had decent luck with finding something good and clean. The only time we’ve ever had to ask to change rooms, is when we walked in and were slapped in the face with cigarette smoke…no way we could be in there for any length of time! I always feel like it’s an adventure though. On the flip side…after just spending almost 2 months in a hotel, I’m happy to take a break for a while!!
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The work groove seems to be pretty good these days. It always helps that I generally like the boss (me) and the office assistant (the dog). 🙂 I am working a bit more then I want to, but it’s probably best because I have the time and we need the money for the adoption.
Haha, I like hotels when they are for vacation not for work. There is a distinct different in my mind. Also, I cannot imagine how you lasted in a hotel for 2 months!!
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Hahahahaha!!! I love that the dog is your assistant!! If I counted on my cats to be assistants, nothing would ever get done lol.
Looking back, I don’t know how we lasted 2 months either. Some days weren’t so bad, some days made me want to cry. It’s hard to not have your stuff for that long, and to be cooped up in a tiny space. But we did it!
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I can’t imagine having a loss away from home. I’m sorry you had to go through that while traveling.
I traveled a lot for work the last few years and check for bed bugs…and bogeymen 🙂 I look under the bed and in the shower and closet when I get in the room because I’m a paranoid nutter!
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First, thank you for your compassion.
Second, I have not once thought to check under the bed or in the closet or shower. I can assure you, I will now be searching for the bogeyman!! 🙂
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Sorry my paranoia is contagious! I always think so many people have access cards to the room (house keeping, maintenance, front desk, etc) so I check to make sure I’m alone in the room. Yes, I’m totally nuts!!!
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Wow. Almost sounds like you had a form of PTSD after the miscarriage, which I can understand. I’m so sorry it happened but so glad you were able to overcome it. And happy for you that you’ve been able to create the life you want rather than being stuck in one that no longer fits.
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I had not thought of it that way. But I guess in a way I probably did suffer from some form of PTSD.
Thank you for your encouragement months ago to find what is right for me! I still remember your comment and have often thought about it. And today, I know that self-employment is right for me, at least for right now. I don’t know about tomorrow, and that’s okay. 🙂
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I’m so glad you’ve found something for right now! All we have, really. Steppingstone by steppingstone:).
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I agree with another comment above that I’m so proud of you for finding a reasonable compromise for you and work. It’s awesome what you’ve accomplished since leaving your full-time job and while dealing with RPL and adoption. I’ve generally enjoyed hotel stays, but I’ve never had to travel for work- always for pleasure, so I don’t really know what it’s like. I can’t believe you had to deal with a miscarriage while away from your home and your loves. You are a strong woman, my friend.
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So far the work compromises are working. 🙂 I am busier then I’d like to be, but I guess I could have worse problems. And being busy right now is probably good because it’s keeping me distracted and it’s really helping with our adoption bills. And thank you for making me realize that I have accomplished a lot with starting a business, living through our final RPL diagnosis and the adoption process all at the same time – I often feel like the last year of my life was a bit pathetic, so reading your perspective was nice. Thank you. 🙂
Also, I don’t mind hotels that aren’t work related. Because that means Mr. MPB is with me and we are probably away for a fun reason!
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Also, as for the miscarriage. I think our third loss, the TFMR, has overshadowed this one. I don’t often think about it, and I don’t think I ever wrote about it. It was comical and tragic all at the same time as I ended up in the second worst rated hospital in all of Canada because I asked a random cab driver to take me to the closest hospital. Ops!
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I cannot begin to imagine experiencing loss(es) while you were away from home. That just sounds terrible, and I’m sorry.
As for hotel beds… I always bring my own blanket and pillow and never get under the covers 😁
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I laughed at your approach to a hotel. I should start at least bringing my own pillow – I hate hotel pillows! And a blanket sounds like a good idea too, I’m always cold. 🙂
Also, as always, thank you for your compassion and your love. I realized today as I’m responding to your comment that I don’t think I’ve ever shared about our second loss. It was horrible at the time but somehow it has just been overshadowed by our third TFMR. Maybe it’s something I should try to write down sometime.
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I used to travel a lot also and I can never get a good night’s sleep in a hotel. I’m okay when the hubs is with me but alone…not so much. I can’t imagine your loss while so far away.
I’m glad it’s on your terms now.
Sherry
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Like you, if my husband is with me, I’m okay with a hotel. But on my own? Not so much! I think part of that is that I can relax in a strange room if I’m not alone. And another part is likely that if my husband is with me it means we are travelling for fun and not for work, so I’m probably also in a different mental state.
Thanks for stopping by Sherry! 🙂
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My husband loves staying in hotels. It’s such a novelty thing for him. After travelling lots for work over the past 4 years, I would have to agree more with you. It never feels like home. You never sleep as well. I don’t mind travelling, but I’d rather be in my own bed.
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I think a hotel isn’t so bad when you are traveling for fun, not for work! To me there is a big difference. I think I’d be just like your husband if I only stayed in hotels when I was going on vacation. Instead, I’m just like you, I much prefer my own bed. 🙂
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So this is super off topic but I just wanted you to know your blog has made me so interested in adopting. You have laid out all the good and bad but it somehow just made me hope to adopt one day. Xo
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Thank you so much for sharing – I am beyond touched!! I love that even knowing all the bad stuff you aren’t completely scared off from adoption – some days I wonder what the heck we are doing but by and far most days I think it’s going to be worth it soon enough. 🙂
Thank you again. You just made my day!
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I am so so so so so sorry you experienced a loss alone on the road. My heart goes out to you, and I wish I could go back in time and comfort you through that experience. You.are.brave.
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I don’t often think about that loss, in fact I don’t know if I’ve ever even written the events down surrounding that one. It was hard – in the same day I saw our first ever heart beat and I was also told our baby would die. And I did it without Mr. MPB. Thankfully he booked me a flight home that very day, before anything really happened, so I wasn’t without him for too long. And, I’m not sure it was bravery so much as it was pure survival.
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Oh I can so relate to this! The whole time we were doing IVF I was staying in a hotel in a city a few hours away. I was working a lot so I didn’t really have time to be homesick, but right now when I’m prematurely in bed with my dog (reading!), I realise how much I miss it when I don’t have it. I feel so sorry for you having to deal with a miscarriage whilst away from home. I couldn’t even move from bed the day mine happened, so you must have summoned superhuman strength to get home. (I wouldn’t expect anything less from you but superhuman!) I think it would be so horrible to be alone. I’m glad you’ve been able to move on with such strength and grace. I think I would be a blubbering pile of mush! Maybe you just need to stay in some nice holiday hotels and start building a positive association with hotels. 🙂
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It’s funny at one point in time I thought traveling for work was a great adventure, now I’m so over it. Permanently in bed with dog and a book sounds wonderful!
I just received the news that our baby was dying well away. I managed to hop on a plane (booked by Mr. MPB) before anything really started. But it was the first time I ever saw a heartbeat and the first time I was ever told that my baby would die – all in one day. And then I had to call my husband and tell him. I had a friend with me at the hotel (thankfully), but I was alone at hospital. It really was horrible.
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Oh, and i do enjoy hotels more when Mr. MPB is with me. I just don’t like them when it’s work related. 🙂
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I do a bedbug check too, no matter how nice the hotel! I used to love to get to travel for work, and I might love it again in the future. But for now (and the last couple of years of trying to start a family), I really have a strong pull toward home.
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A bedbug check is an absolute must! 🙂 And I think you and I are very similar in our pull towards home at this stage in our lives.
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I would totally have linked the hotels and miscarriages too. That is so something my brain would do. I’m glad you seem to have found balance with this. Enjoy the king sized bed. I hope it’s comfy!
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Isn’t it amazing what our brains can do?! How are you doing? I’ve been thinking of you constantly this week.
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Awww thanks hon. I’m doing ok. I was actually still hopeful yesterday as HPT looked good and I felt like I was having pregnancy symptoms but this morning’s HPT does look a little lighter if I’m honest so I’ve resigned myself to the fact that maybe I won’t get my miracle. I have my second beta this morning so will be good to know with more certainty this afternoon. And thankfully I’m out of HPTs so I can stop torturing myself with those lol
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Aw, I hear you on the loneliness and impersonality of hotel rooms. I travel a lot for work, and I always look for opportunities to share hotel rooms with friends/colleagues (which is easier if you’re going to a conference!). I can’t even imagine having to go through a miscarriage in a hotel room — that just sounds immensely depressing, and no wonder you were freaked out about it!
I am also glad to hear that you’re feeling back in the groove of work stuff, and that self-employment seems to be working out for you so far. Congratulations!
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I hear you about sharing rooms with work people – I will absolutely do it if I like the other person. A great friend and I used to work together and we were often sent to the same place together and we’d always share a room – it was so much less lonely. 🙂 She was actually with me when I found out about our second miscarriage – she made me leave work and go to a hospital and then got me to the airport once my husband got a flight. I’ll forever be thankful she was there with me.
And, thank you. So far self-employment is going well. Busier then I’d like, but I guess that’s a good problem to have, and so long as we aren’t matched it’s probably best that I’m busy so I cannot dwell on the wait. And of course the pay check is helping off set the adoption costs, so that’s a huge bonus!
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There’s no place like home! I’m glad you don’t have to be away and traveling by yourself as much anymore. I know I wouldn’t like that one bit!
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You are right, there is no place like home! And I am happily back home and enjoyed sleeping in my own bed again. 🙂
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