I Am More Then 1 in 6

  Posted on May 20, 2015 By

 38 Comments

20150520 - I Am 1 In 6I am 1 in 6.  Together with my husband we are 1 in 6.

We are infertile.

In fact, we are infertile in the most fertile way.  We are also 1%.  We are the one percent who can get pregnant relatively easily, but cannot sustain a pregnancy. Without significant medical intervention my body will likely never sustain a pregnancy to full term with a child. And even with medical intervention there are no guarantees our child will survive to birth or be compatible with life.

But I am more then this.

I refuse to sit in defeat and let the 1 in 6 statistic or the 1% statistic define who I am.  Yes, we have struggled.  Yes, I know immense pain of losing our unborn children.  Yes, I have made the life altering decision to terminate one of our babies for medical reasons.  Yes, our family may not look the same as yours.  Yes, I have more lost babies then I will presumably ever have living.

But I am more then all of this.

I am also a women who dreams to be a mother.  And will do whatever it takes to make this dream come true.  Biology has never been an issue for us, so we will adopt to bring children into our family.  We want children to complete our lives and even though adoption is hard, adoption is the best path forward for our family.

I am a professional who struggled to maintain her career while experiencing recurrent pregnancy loss.  In fact, I resigned and put my career on hold while we sorted through our family dreams.  This has been a life altering decision for me, and in so many ways I am grateful that I had the luxury and opportunity to spend so much time focusing on my health and our family.

I am someone who loves life.  I will search for happiness no matter what.  I smile at simple things like a sunset or the song of a bird.

I have known great loss and grief.  First with losing my mom and sister as a young teenager and then with losing our 5 babies as an adult. But, with each loss, I have grown and I continue to live. I am a survivor.

I have blamed myself for our lost babies.  But, I also do not dwell in self-pity or self-blame.  I acknowledge the emotions around loss are complicated, and I do my best to keep a level head and be fair with myself.

I am someone who dreams of a bright future.  I have hope that no matter what happened yesterday, tomorrow can and will be better.  I cling to this hope with every fiber of my being.

I have bad days, sometimes even downright horrible days, but I always find a way to pick myself back up.  Sometimes it takes a day or two, or even a week or two, but I always pull myself out of it and hope for a better tomorrow.

I am a daughter and a sister.  My family is complicated and not perfect, but I try really hard to accept and make the most of what is.

I am a wife.  My husband means the world to me and we are in this life together, children or not.  Our life is based on a foundation of we, which is built out of respect, love and compassion.

I am a friend.  I do my best to support my friends who need a helping hand.

I ask for help when I need it.  It’s not a frequent occurrence for me to admit that I am struggling, but I am learning that there is always someone out there who can help.

All of this, all of me, is just like so many women out there going through infertility.

I am a complete women who is more then just my infertility / recurrent pregnancy loss statistic.

I never expected to be on the wrong side of the statistics when it came to having children.  I did not expect to be the 1 in 6 or the 1%.  But here I am, I am both.  Rather then let this define my very being, I am pushing through it and leading my life in a way that will define me as something more.

Ultimately I believe I am bigger then just infertility.  In the scheme of my life, this is just a blip in my greater plan (albeit a rather big blip).  What matters to me is how I survive and how I lead my entire life.  When I am 80 and look back at my life, I do not want to remember myself as an infertile and bitter women, rather I want to be able to say that:

I am women who loved with my whole heart.

I am not perfect, but I did my best during the good and bad times.

Life was not always easy, but I survived. 

I lived with respect, integrity, grace and compassion.

.

This post was written to honour the Canadian Infertility Awareness Week which runs from May 19 – 25, 2015.  As a Canadian I strongly support the Infertility Awareness Association of Canada and their work to promote infertility education and awareness within Canada.  Please consider adding your voice to the movement to help those suffering in silence know that they are not alone and they do not have to be defined by the diagnosis of infertility.

If you like this post, please feel free to share and please click the follow button on the side or return to myperfectbreakdown.com to follow my journey.

 Category: Infertility, Recurrent Pregnancy Loss      Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

38 Comments on “I Am More Then 1 in 6”

  1. Very inspiring. Sometimes we focus on the issue of infertility and forget how much more is in our lives. You certainly have survived a lot and you were able to channel it in very positive ways. It gives me confidence that I will be able to move forward as well whatever the circumstances.

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  3. YES! You are a survivor through and through. And you are such a great friend. It meant the world to me when you responded to my email right away when I was struggling the other day. I love that you are refusing to let infertility define you. Your future is very, very bright indeed.

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    • Thank you so much! You are too kind! I hope you are feeling a bit better these days – you seem to be in your posts and I love that! We all have horrible days, but I firmly believe what matters most is how we pick ourselves back up – and you are doing so wonderfully!

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  5. Beautifully written. I love this: “I am women who loved with my whole heart.” We should all live like that, no matter what we live through.

    You are a pillar of strength and inspiration, even on your “worst” days. I love your blog!

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  7. You’re one of the strongest, most caring, and supportive people that I know. You should be proud of who you are, and not get down on yourself just because of the “blip”, as you called it. You WILL have a beautiful, loving family, and in the end, that’s all that matters. 🙂

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  9. I echo all of the comments above. Thank you for reminding us to take inventory of who we are and that we are so much more than 1 in 6. Your blog is a reminder that there is so more to our lives than being defined by our infertility or pregnancy losses, even though sometimes it’s all that we see.

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    • Thank you so much for your kind words! Some days it takes a lot of work for me to remember that I am more than someone who has endured so many losses and so many struggles. But, I try and the more I try, the easier it gets. 🙂

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      • Hopefully once your little one comes, you will be more reminded of how many wonderful things you are and less about being a statistic.

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  11. Your words, your story, have touched so many lives. Not many people can say that. You are awesome and a great support, and you forgot one more “I am”… WONDERFUL…thinking of you, friend…

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    • Yes, WE all are so very much more then our infertility. Some days we forget that, but I’m working really hard to remember and live with it rather then against it all the time. 🙂

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  14. This is a really beautiful post. In the short time I have been following you, I can already see how much your soul is expanding into something even braver, even more beautiful, even more loving. Kudos to you and your magnificent journey.

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    • Thank you! I think it’s important for us to recognize our infertility struggles as massively huge, yet at the same time I don’t want to let that define me. Hopefully I am able to lead my life in that manner. 🙂

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  16. It’s so easy to lose oneself in these struggles. Especially with the tragedy you both have faced. But the strength you show is incredible. I love it and I love reading about how you are building your family. It’s truly beautiful.

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    • Thank you so very much for this. I think there was a time that I did lose myself in all of our struggles and our losses. Actually, I know there was. I feel like the last year of my life has been about reclaiming my life, and I hope I am able to hold onto this as our family grows. 🙂

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  17. “Ultimately I believe I am bigger then just infertility.”

    Yes, you are bigger than infertility, sweetie.

    I pray this is something each person struggling with such issues knows. But sadly, I think many do not.

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