A Thought On The Adoption Process

  Posted on April 23, 2015 By

 46 Comments

Waiting is hard work!!

We have done everything we can do.

Our medicals are done. Criminal record checks are complete.  Our photos are compiled.  Our financial statements are in order. We’ve attended all the classes.  Our home study is done.

Literally we’ve dotted our i’s and crossed out t’s.  Everything has been checked and double checked and in most cases even triple checked.

We are ready.

But the system is not.  The convoluted international adoption process is moving slower then we are.

Our paperwork is sitting on a desk somewhere, waiting for someone to read it and sign it.

We aren’t even officially waiting yet, we are still in the paperwork process, but this waiting is slowly gnawing at me.  Before I felt like we were doing something, now I just feel like my hands are tied.  There is literally nothing I can do to make time speed up.  There is literally no-way I can influence anyone to get our stuff looked at quicker.  There is no way I can work the system to give us an advantage over someone else.  And I suspect if I tried to, it would actually delay us even further.

So, literally we have to wait.

Have I mentioned before that I am a rather impatient person?  Patience is not a trait that I excel at.

If the realistic timeline is 2+ months, then don’t tell people it’s about 1 month.  Expectations are set based on original estimates.  I find my frustration and annoyance increases as the wait drags on past the estimate.  Needless to say I despise when people are unnecessarily late.  I hate when commitments are made and not upheld.  It annoys me to no end when deadlines are given just to be broken.

But my feelings towards this do not matter in the least when it comes to adoption.  So, we shall continue to wait.

I have no idea how much longer we will be waiting for.

I have no idea how to help myself learn to be more patient.  Maybe it’s time for me to start learning the art of meditation. But that sounds like too much work.  So, I think I will be thankful that we are adopting so I can have a glass of wine tonight while twiddling my thumbs as we keep practicing the art of waiting…

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 Category: Adoption      Tags: , , , , , , ,

46 Comments on “A Thought On The Adoption Process”

  1. I hate waiting, too. Especially for something as huge & exciting as this! I really hope the person whose desk it’s all sitting on does their job quickly so you can get to the next stage of waiting (and hopefully that wait won’t be too long!).

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    • I so wish the person with all the paperwork would hurry it up!! I so want to get to the next real waiting stage, although I promise I will complain at some point about the real waiting!! 🙂

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  2. I agree that the waiting is terrible. My therapist suggested that I make smaller projects / goals and focus on them. It is hard to control the length of the adoption process, but it is great that you have all the paperwork done. Now you can enjoy some more alone time with your husband and take care of yourself before tackling a baby. At least that is the advice my therapist gave me. Hard to put it into practice though.

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    • I think your therapist is rather bright based on this advice! I think I do need to find a few more projects to keep myself busy through this stage of waiting and the “real” waiting which should be just around the corner. Have you come up with any great projects?

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  3. I have been wondering where you are with things, but haven’t wanted to ask because I know you’ve been frustrated about it. That being said…this post literally sounds like something that I could have written! I hate when people lie about deadlines or plans, I hate when people tell me they will do something and then don’t do it, I can’t stand when plans are broken. I think perhaps we were related in a past life, maybe even twins. 🙂 I really, really, truly hope that they get themselves together and get on the ball with things. Try to use your dog and exercising to distract you…maybe that will help? *hugs*

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    • I haven’t written about it simply because there isn’t much to say when we are just waiting for others to do their part. It’s driving me crazy and I’m trying so hard not to focus on the wait. It’s so sweet that you’ve been wondering – feel free to ask anytime. I wont find it annoying from you. 🙂

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  4. Waiting stinks! Plan some of those weekend adventures – it’s crunch time. So soon you will be too busy for them!

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  5. We have our first meeting Saturday & we are hoping to get everything started for the home study. Waiting is this whole process and it feels like it all takes so long. Praying for you : )

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      • Literally day one Is tomorrow. Meeting at 9am! Thank you so much & I am sure the waiting is going to be more miserable.

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  6. That’s a hard place to be – inbetween, not knowing. You both want those days to be over and past, and yet they’re still your days, precious and few. If you think meditation is too much, then maybe another, all-encompassing project would work. Like starting a garden or taking some of those free online classes (I think MIT has a ton in particular, but I know there are more colleges that offer them than just MIT). Finding a passion aside from adoption (well, idk if “passion” is the right word for that…) is integral in not only surviving the process, but still living your days.
    ❤ ❤

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    • I’ve never done the meditation thing, but you are not the first to suggest it so maybe I should give it a try. Also, I love the idea of more little projects. I’m thinking it’s time for me to learn to knit, and I might just stain our deck. And the free online courses are brilliant, I am absolutely going to check it out! Thanks for all your ideas!

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  7. You’ve come so far and now you’ve got through the bureaucracy crap it’s like you’ve entered that ‘white space’ in a dream….it’s the 2ww back to back to back to back :-s I like Alicia’s ideas of small goals/projects to help. Turn the next few months into some of your most exciting months of your lives together.
    We are taking a mini break from TTC so to pass the time we have a camping trip booked (nice and cheap fun!) in the mountains somewhere new. And we are both going to do an online free course on public speaking (www.coursera.org has lots of free courses).
    We’ve learned recently that wishing time to go quickly leaves us looking back, feeling empty without achievement. So we are trying a different way. I hope you find your own way too 😊

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    • Thanks for all your ideas! We too are booking a tonne of camping trips – if nothing else I will feel wonderful spending time outdoors hiking and fishing! And I love the online course idea, I’m going to look at that site and see what interests me. It should be fun.
      I think you and Alicia are right, I need lots of little projects to keep myself busy right now!

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    • Thanks so much for the idea and the link Molly!! A friend volunteered to teach me today, so hopefully soon I’ll be able to start working on my very own not-so square first cloth. 🙂

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  10. That’s the best part about the art of meditaiton! There practically is nothing to learn! Start with 5 minutes of deep breaths. Your mind may race at first, but the more you try it the better it will feel. Luckily, summer is fast approaching. You should have lots of activities to distract you during our warm months.

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  11. I hear you! We’ve been in process for 1.5 years almost and have years ahead of us (probably around 2 but timelines vary so much…). I wish I had some great advice, but I really don’t. I am sure you are like me and are reading a lot of adoption material to learn and stay excited. Can’t wait until we can blog about our kids being home! 🙂

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    • It will be so amazing when we both are through the waiting and can move on with life! Have you read any good adoption books that you’d recommend? I’m always looking for more. 🙂

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      • I just finished The Connected Child; that is a good, well known one. Attaching in Adoption was pretty good too. I have The Conscious Parent up next which I have heard a lot about and then have some international adoption books that are probably going to be less stimulating for you since the U.S. is a little more like Canada in a lot of ways, relatively speaking from Haiti, China, etc. Hope you enjoy them if you haven’t read them! 🙂

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  13. Waiting can be the worst! In all seriousness though, meditation can work. I hope things move along more quickly than you’re expecting. It sucks to have no control. ❤

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