Wide Awake & In Pain

  Posted on April 17, 2015 By

 34 Comments

It’s after 1am. I am wide awake. Once upon a time 1am was early for this girl. 1am probably meant I was at a bar dancing the night away, or snuggling on the couch voluntarily watching a movie.

Photo Source (Adapted from original): Office.com Clip Art

Photo Source (Adapted from original): Office.com Clip Art

Somewhere along the way I got old/responsible/lame and 1am became well past my bedtime.

Needless to say, I am now at a point in my life where I typically do not like being wide awake in the middle of the night.  In fact, I love sleep, so this is not my idea of a good time.

And what makes matters worse is that in this very moment I am exhausted. My eyes want to close and take me into a deep slumber to a place where my dreams dance in my mind.  My eyes want to close and my brain desperately wants to turn off for the night as to wake up refreshed in the morning.

But, that does not seem like it will happen anytime soon.  Our latest adventures have rendered me unable to get comfortable for more than 2 minutes at a time.

No, I didn’t do anything to hurt myself in a bad and scary way. I have no broken bones or twisted ankles.  Thankfully.

Rather, I just ache from the top of my head to the tip of my toes.  You see, our week has involved extensive physical activities.

Last weekend, we attacked our garage with a vengeance and built new shelving and re-organized everything. I had no idea but evidently moving tonnes of wood, holding wood above your head for multiple minutes at a time, playing with power tools, etc. will result the the rediscovery of muscles I had no idea existed in my body. We also spent hours prepping are yard for spring – raking the leaves from last year, mowing the lawn, trimming our trees, etc.  And that’s not easy work, at least not for this girl.

20150125 - 100HappyDays_Day198Of course we’ve also been continuing on with our fitness resurrection. I am determined to make the best of the spring weather. I am even more determined to make use of my body now that I can again. I am determined to lose some weight and to feel in control of my body again. This week we upped all our weights, so now I am lifting heavier weights then I have lifted in…well, ever actually. And I cannot forget the awesome cycling we’ve been doing now that spring is arriving and it’s warm enough to play outside.  The only downside has been the crazy wind has resulted in crazy hard riding.  But torrential head winds aren’t stopping us.

All of this means that my body hurts. I just popped two Tylenol in hopes letting my muscles relax enough to find a comfortable way to be for long enough to fall asleep.

And while I’m annoyed at the fact that I’m awake right now, I am also revelling in the fact that my body hurts! Because it’s a good hurt, and it’s been much too long since I’ve felt the good kind of hurt. For me, this hurt means that I am able to use my body again! After nearly three years on the sidelines, so many losses, and feeling as though my body was failing Mr. MPB, failing our babies and failing myself, it is amazing to be able to exhort control over my body again.  It’s even more amazing to know that my body CAN do things right.

Honestly, it feels amazing to be at a point where I see my body returning to its old shape and my active lifestyle is resurfacing.

It is amazing to see the baby weight leaving my body.  It is both figuratively and literally time for me to stop carrying that weight with every step I take.

And while I may not be able to sleep tonight, I love that I feel physically healthy again.

There is still progress to be made, but tonight while I lay awake watching old TV shows, I will enjoy my rediscovered health, sore body and all.

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 Category: Infertility, Inspiration      Tags: , , , , , , , ,

34 Comments on “Wide Awake & In Pain”

  1. Wow! You’ve been crazy busy, Girl! If it makes you feel any better, after my whole 30 minutes on the treadmill doing c25k, the other day…I could barely walk the next day, lol. I guess I also did 50 squats that day, but still! It does feel good to remember those muscles exist though. I hope you got some sleep and I’m so happy that you’re a point where you can be doing all this stuff again and taking pride in your body!

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    • We have been busy! I don’t know how we used to do all of this stuff and both work full time!! 🙂
      I’m glad you too are rediscovering your muscles! It’s nice to hurt in a good way. 🙂

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  2. Oh, being old and responsible and lame is rough! 🙂 I was incredibly (and pathetically) sore from my workout this week. Every time I moved, I winced, but I figured my muscles needed the workout so I’m going to keep it up! I hope you are able to get some rest and relaxation.

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    • I’m glad you are also keeping up with your workout, even if it hurts. I find once I stick to working out for a few weeks then it just becomes habit and I enjoy it, so hopefully you get to that point too. 🙂
      I finally fell asleep around 3am. I slept in a bit today, but I am still very tired right now!

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      • I tried a new lunch hour workout this week and it’s been kicking my butt! But, I needed to change up my routine so hopefully I’ll see some results.

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  3. You go girl! The full body exhaustion is my favourite feeling. It feels like achievement. I love the symbolism of shedding your baby weight. It’s like letting go of the burden that years of RPL has created. Not forgetting, but not letting it weigh you down. You might benefit from some cal-mag like Natural Calm, which replenishes the magnesium in your body like an epsom salt bath does.

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    • As always, you are right! Full body exhaustion is pretty awesome! And you are so right about the symbolism, its such an important thing for me to start letting that ‘weight’ go. And it’s nice to have a real visual of that occurring.
      I’m assuming the cal-mag you suggest should be in addition to my daily vitamins? (I take vitamin D and am still taking prenatal as my daily vitamin because I have them, but once I run out I’ll be looking for a good daily non-prenatal vitamin – any suggestions since you are good with this stuff?)

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  4. You’re awesome, you know that, right? I’ve been eating healthier and have started cycling to work. The pounds have been shedding from my body, and I am starting to finally – FiNALLY – like my body again.

    I echo D’s suggestion up above about the magnesium. A lot of us are deficient and don’t know it, and it definitely messes with our sleep.

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    • Awe, thanks Lindsay! I think you’re pretty awesome as well! 🙂
      I’m glad you too are finally starting to like your body again too! It’s hard work not liking your body – probably harder then actually working out and eating healthy is.

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  5. Well done you! I’m still struggling with a stress fracture in my ankle that makes any kind of physical work incredibly hard, but seeds and seasons don’t wait, so I’m pushing through as best I can!

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    • My husband broke his ankle last summer, and I almost think we are so active right now as a way to make up for all the things we didn’t get done last summer. 🙂
      I hope your stress fracture heals quickly!! It’s never fun to be pushing through the pain.

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  6. you have been busy! This week I have done some walking with Goldilocks after school but that’s about it. I have been so sleepy….

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  7. I know that feeling! I l love getting into bed feeling a good exhaustion after a workout, the covers always feel so much cosier and satisfying! But it’s the getting up in the morning bit that is troublesome ;-p

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  9. I am so impressed with your Herculean efforts – you go girl! I am envious. I have no energy or time for working out or doing home restoration or organizing right now and it makes ms sad. I look forward to having the energy and time soon.

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    • Thanks! It’s nice to finally be doing some of this stuff again – both because it’s spring and warm enough and because we sat on the sidelines for too long due to RPL. As for you, I think you have lots of time to work out and do home restoration/organization projects in the future. I say just enjoy/tolerate your pregnancy and let all the other stuff slide for now. 🙂

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  10. Happy for you that you’re sore for a good reason, but I hope your body starts to relax soon so you can get some sleep! I need to find my motivation…I had it a couple months ago, but it’s fizzled out. (I’m sure the recent stress isn’t helping me get in the swing of things.) Keep up the good work!

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  11. Exercise can be very punishing when it starts but very therapeutic. I think it also puts you back in a balance with your body in a way. Best thing for sore muscles is a hot bath with epson salts and the deep freeze 🙂

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    • Thanks so much! I was feeling much better, and then I pushed myself a bit too hard again this weekend with more reno work and exercise. So, back to being sore, but at least it’s good sore. 🙂

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  13. I really love a bit of muscle soreness 🙂 I enjoy the feeling of getting fitter and stronger and it was inspiring to read this! I totally need to get back to it.

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