Feeling Like an Imposter
We’ve been told by the adoption people that we need a picture of the nursery for our adoption profile book. And, we need it within the next few weeks.
This is not something I want to do right now. I am simply not ready to set up a nursery. And neither is Mr. MPB. Honestly, I was going to wait until we had the child before I bought the crib.
Yes, we have the big family house with the room, we even painted when we were naive to being reproductively challenged. We have one small rocking chair also bought when we were blissfully unaware of the path that we would walk. Most recently we even decided to start buying a few items with the passing of each big adoption step.
But, to actually buy a crib and start putting together the room scares the heck out of me. I’ve kept the door to that room shut for years, and put off going in there let alone decorating for our future child. In my world I cannot actually buy things for this child, because what if it never arrives? To some, this might sound paranoid. To me, after 5 miscarriages, it’s a matter of basic survival. I need to protect my heart. Setting up a room requires me to literally visualize a future baby in our house. For me, this forces me to open my heart, and put myself out there in a whole new way. What if a baby never comes? What if that room stays empty for ever? What if…
Of course, the opposite side of these fears is what if it works out? What if we actually get through the adoption process and bring a baby home? What if a baby gets to call this room theirs?
Yet, after so many painful losses, it’s hard for me to focus on the positive side of the what if game. But, I have to now, because the room now resembles a nursery.
After doing our online homework and reading the Baby Bargain book, we worked up the courage, and walked into IKEA.
The entire time we were shopping, I felt like an imposter. Everyone else in the baby section was sporting their cute little baby bumps, and/or chasing their toddler running around playing with the toys. There we were, completely childless and feeling forced to buy this before we were ready. There was no excitement, just a knot of fear at the bottom of my stomach. As we both wanted to get the heck out of there, we were very efficient shoppers making final decisions in a very quick. Ultimately we preserved and bought what we needed.
We decided to buy a basic IKEA crib, mattress and blanket set. We decided not to buy an expensive crib as we’d rather save the money for the actual adoption and for more long-term furniture once the child is ready to move into a real bed. Even though regardless of gender I would have preferred blue, we went with green to keep it gender neutral in the adoption profile and photo album.
Once we got home with our newly purchased items, we spent the afternoon in the room building the crib and putting the basic nursery together. In fact, I suspect we spent more time in that room on Sunday afternoon then we have probably ever spent total. We hung a very special picture above the crib – the first thing we ever bought for our future child once we decided to adopt. We also hung a picture that was made by my mom when I was little, it matches the room perfectly and is also so special to me to have something for our baby from my mom. We put up the mobile that we got a few weeks ago. And we even cleaned out the closet to make room for future baby stuff that may come our way.
The room is still far from complete as we still need to buy a dresser and a bookshelf (I am hoping to buy them second hand to save some money). But, with the crib and pictures we have achieved our first goal – we now have a picture of the nursery for our adoption profile and album.
When we were done hanging everything and taking the photos, we walked out of the room and closed the door behind us. Just as we have done since we moved into the house. And, even with the door closed tightly behind us, somehow everything feels so much more real now. I am scared. I am fearful.
And so I will remind myself daily that I am hopeful.
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What a huge step! Or, several steps taken at once! It looks beautiful. I know how hard it must be to open your heart to this phase…you are doing a wonderful job! Keep going! That baby will be here before you know it!
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Thank you! You are right, it is a huge step, and one day there will be a baby sleeping in that crib. One day.
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I think it is absolutely unacceptable that this is a requirement. It’s insensitive, and also UNNECESSARY! You’ll do the nursery when you get news that a baby is joining your family…why should you have to do it before? It makes no sense to me, really. It should be enough for them to know that you have the space.
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PS – I love the bedding you chose. I know you’ll continue to make the room beautiful, built with love.
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Technically it’s not a requirement, just a strong recommendation. So, clearly we felt the need to comply as I suspect most adoptive parents will.
I just keep telling myself that at least it’s over and done with now.
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Ok, I am disturbed by the fact that you need a picture of the nursery for the adoption book. That is asking A LOT of people for something that is not a sure thing yet. What the hell? And also, Lettie slept in a pack in play in our room for six months, and I think that’s fairly common. So the baby doesn’t even need his or her own room for a few months after arrival. So why are they asking you to do something like that for a child that may not need a room for months or even years? What if you only have one spare room and wanted to keep using it as a guest room until the baby arrived? I don’t know why this upsets me so much that you were asked to do this, but it does. That said, I am proud of you for going out and getting that stuff. I know that must have been brutal. Just keep holding on to that hope, girl! Your baby is coming!
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You are so right, it just feels to early to be setting up a crib. Honestly, while we were building it we even said that if something changes we’ll just cut our losses and give it away, because the crib will be the least of our problems. But, really, it just sucks to be buying a crib and talking about potentially giving it away. It just makes no sense!
And funny enough, we bought the pack ‘n play so we’d have something in a pinch if a placement happened really quickly. And, like you guys, we plan to have our baby in our room for the first few months to help with bonding and attachment, and we plan to use the pack ‘n play for that period of time.
We are frustrated, but at least it’s done now.
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WOW. I’m so impressed you did this. I totally understand the significance. I never set up a nursery for mabel because we werent sure we would be bringing her home and the idea of taking it down if we didnt seemed like torture. Though many people did tell me it would probably hurt either way, but I wanted to protect myself from that hurt at least. Setting up a nursery feels real. I get that. I’m in awe of your bravery and hoping such good karma will finally find its way to you!
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Thank you so much for understanding this! You are right, it’s such a big deal to set up a nursery. And, right now it just feels wrong to be sitting there empty. It was one thing to have an empty room, but now to have an empty crib is just weird and uncomfortable.
Thank you for your support and hope!!
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Ugh. I feel for you so, so much! I can’t believe that this is a requirement — they must realize that it’s torture for parents who are pursuing adoption after other options have not been working out for them for YEARS. Why is this a thing???
I’m so sorry you had to do it, but I love to hear the other side of the what if (and to see the adorable baby things!). You’re doing everything in your power to become parents, and it’s going to happen, so I hope that letting yourself dream a little was a silver lining. But ach, my heart strings are aching for you right now!
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Technically it’s not a requirement, just a strong recommendation so that birth mom’s can picture their baby in your house. Which clearly means we are going to do it. And we’ve found out that most waiting parents put together a nursery, so here we are doing just that, even though it feels just utterly strange.
Thank you so much for reminding me of the silver lining – hope. 🙂
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I hear you. I was dead inside after my recurrent losses. The one thing that helped me was being mechanical. I just did it, no thoughts. I just recently started following your blog, so I am sorry to ask you this painful question, but did you get an answer to why you are having these losses?
I really hope your baby comes home soon and fills your home and heart with love and laughter.
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I know exactly what you mean about being mechanical – that’s precisely how we approached the crib purchase and nursery set up.
We did get answers to the reasons for our losses once we went to a reproductive immunologist / recurrent pregnancy loss specialist – you can read my post about our diagnosis here – http://wp.me/p4qQfg-wl. If you have any questions feel free to ask, you can always email too (myperfectbreakdown@gmail.com).
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I so agree with the post you wrote and linked. My RPL results yielded nothing and I was told something similar. Although I have PCOS, so egg quality is an issue. The weird part is when I got pregnant with my son, I was on a strong dose of antibiotics for a stomach bug. I follow another lady who carried her baby full term after 6 losses. I know it no pain olympics but yes, you are the best judge of your body, if you doubt the endometriosis verdict, then I think you are right. After so many M/c’s the one thing we know for sure is how much bleeding will hurt.
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I think you are right, we know our bodies better then anyone else. I do doubt the endo diagnosis, but what I do know is that the low/reversed blood flow will prevent any future pregnancy from being successful and the cost of out of country treatment just didn’t make sense given the odds are not in our favour. So it just didn’t make sense for us to keep trying. So, here we are, building our family in a very different way, but a way that will work for us. 🙂
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The fact that the special picture is hanging in the room should be enough for anybody. That shows more love than furniture ever could xxx
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I think you are right! For us, the act of hanging that picture on the wall meant more then the act of setting up the crib.
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Oh my goodness. I can’t even imagine how difficult it must have been to set up the room when you are still going through approval. After everything… you would think they would be more sensitive about it. Such a trial – and it must seem crazy to be doing it at this stage. Well, I think you’ve done the right thing – gone with the basics so you can get the photo off. It must be scary to think about how real it is becoming now – and also there is an element of facing history with this new beginning. Stay strong xxx
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Nope, clearly no sensitivity on this one! So, we just marched ahead and got it done. I hope with time I can take your perspective to heart and start seeing this as a new beginning.
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(I’m so annoyed that blogs are terrible conduits for hugging.)
It does seems a little weird that you have to have a nursery set up. But then again, these are the hoops we jump through in life. If setting up a nursery is what it takes, you are doing it like a BOSS.
Though it may be hard to see yourself as a parent-to-be, you are in no way an impostor. You’re more like those couples in IKEA than you realize– the only difference is your path to parenthood.
I love that you’re learning to open up your heart to possibility. This is so much more courageous than anyone realizes, because it mean opening up to the unknown. Though this is so hard, I’ve come to think that this is the only way we can live our lives fully. And you’re doing an awesome job.
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Thank you so much for your kind words and your encouragement. I hope we can continue to open ourselves up to the possibilities, the unknown and the hope. I suspect with time it might get easier, even if right now it feels like a huge task.
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Oh I would not have liked that either!! I sort of understand that the agencies want to see that people are prepared but that’s a bit much, and even borderlines on cruel. We also waited quite awhile to set up the nursery and still the main thing we’ll be using is a cradle. But Ugh…that’s a tough day for sure. I guess on the bright side, you get to take your sweet time and pick specific items you want and can refinish (second hand) if you so choose. The process of working through the heart barriers can take some time too but it does get easier. Hoping today is a brighter day for you 😊
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I really am starting to believe that the adoption process is cruel! But, alas, we jumped through one more of the hoops, even if we didn’t want to.
And, I hope you are right that it does get easier. I keep telling myself that with time, and each one of these steps, it will get easier.
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What a huge step girl and I am so proud of you! I also know the feeling of feeling like an imposter. This is exactly how I felt when I shopped for a crib back in November and then having it delivered. I was terrified the UPS guy was going to ask me when I was due. Luckily, no one ever did 🙂 Otherwise I would have had to tell them in a short version that I was certifiably crazy. lol!
But have faith girl this will all work out. I am trusting and believing that the desires of your heart to be a mommy will be fulfilled! Open your heart and get ready 🙂 It’s coming! xo
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Elisha, you always know how to make me laugh. Yes, if either of us have to explain our stories, I suspect more then one person will think we are certifiably crazy! But, on the other hand, at least we are owning our stories and doing what we need to do!
Love to you sweetie! I believe your day is coming too!
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I really want to give you a big hug right now. That’s a huge, emotional step you two just had to take, but you totally did it. And you WILL have a baby to put in that room. I am not really a spiritual person at all, but to me, having that room ready and waiting seems like it’s sending a message to the universe that your arms and hearts are open and you’re ready for this little one whenever s/he’s ready for you.
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Hug accepted. 🙂
As another non religious person, I really like your perspective of sending a message to the universe that we are ready and waiting! Now, hopefully the wait doesn’t take forever! 🙂
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You are brave. ❤
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Thank you so much. It’s hard, but really, what choice do we have?
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You are one brave lady!! I could only imagine the emotional toll of 1) accepting you have to buy a crib 2) actually buying a crib 3) setting up the crib and 4) seeing the completed room. But i’m thrilled for you and look forward when you tell us your baby is coming home!!
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You are so right about the emotional toll of all of these steps, particularly since we aren’t ready for it. But, at least 1, 2 and 3 are done now!! Thanks for your encouragement!
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I’m sorry that you were forced to do this when you weren’t ready, especially so early in the process!! I think it’s strange that they want a picture of the nursery…I can’t imagine that everyone, or even most people, would have a nursery ready before they even begin the process of adoption. But the things you chose are beautiful. I hope that you can now start to look at that room as one of hope and a bright future, instead of dread and sadness. You will have your baby someday, it just might take a while. *hugs*
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I felt the same way as you, who would do this early?! But have since learned that almost all waiting parents have the nursery ready and waiting! Or at least the people I’ve spoken with have have completed their nursery. It’s just so weird to me.
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I think it’s strange…but that’s just me I guess.
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And me too!!
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Also, if you don’t mind – can you please let me know what your thoughts are about the ikea crib? We also are thinking of doing a budget friendly nursery and investing more when child gets older. Thank you!!
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Honestly, it was easy to put together and it looks just fine set up. I have no idea how a child will actually be sleeping in it, but it looks comfy and safe. I like that the mattress is held up by a wood frame, not vinyl strips (from what I read you want to stay away from the vinyl because it’s cheap and doesn’t last). It looks to me like it will do the trick for our needs.
We went with the budget friendly option of Ikea for the exact reason you are considering it – budget friendly for now and we can spend money later on their long term furniture. Also, I’m told kids will chew on the crib eventually when they are teething, so we decided not to spend the money on a convertible crib if there’s a risk of bit marks.
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awesome!! i’m truly excited for you and your growing family! I know it’s tough being on this journey.. and being scared of the unknown. I frequently wonder myself about making the crib purchase at the 11th hour. thanks for the feedback!!!
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This is amazing! Such a beautiful moment, and a huge step forward. If you believe in manifestation, building that bedroom means shit is getting real. 🙂 How do you like the Ikea crib so far? We teeter back and forth between Ikea and non-Ikea cribs. I still haven’t made up my mind (probably due to some fear as well)
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I love that you see the beauty in this, not the fear! I need to focus on that myself. 🙂
As for the ikea crib – we like it. Someone else asked my thoughts on it – so I’ll cut and past my little review for you too – Honestly, it was easy to put together and it looks just fine set up. I have no idea how a child will actually be sleeping in it, but it looks comfy and safe. I like that the mattress is held up by a wood frame, not vinyl strips (from what I read you want to stay away from the vinyl because it’s cheap and doesn’t last). It looks to me like it will do the trick for our needs.
We went with the budget friendly option of Ikea for the exact reason you are considering it – budget friendly for now and we can spend money later on their long term furniture. Also, I’m told kids will chew on the crib eventually when they are teething, so we decided not to spend the money on a nice/expensive convertible crib if there’s a risk of bit marks.
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Maybe you can think of it as changing your strategy? Like, the last strategy of protecting the room and your heart wasn’t bringing the results you want, so maybe shifting things up and trying this new strategy will be the spark the universe needs to get going! It would make me uncomfortable too, but I am confident that your hard work and guts will bring that baby home soon!
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I love your idea!! Now, if I can only switch my perspective and get on with a renewed sense of hope! 🙂
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I know first hand how painful it can be to see an empty crib. Just as I blogged the other night, sometimes I totally break down looking at it. But it does represent hope for the future. I have definitely been procrastinating refinishing some other furniture that will go in the nursery when it actually becomes that (rather than a crib stuffed in the corner with a queen bed next to it). I can totally see where having a full nursery set up would be very hard. Adoption really puts a difficult spin on preparing for a baby. It would be so hard to put all the money and effort and LOVE into something like a nursery with absolutely no idea when there will be a baby there. I am thinking of you!!!
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Thank you for sharing. I am sorry that you understand this! Staring at an empty crib is exactly why I didn’t want to do this so early. But, I guess we do what we have to and now we just have to keep waiting and hoping.
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I can’t imagine how awkward that would’ve felt shopping for baby stuff at IKEA. I am hoping though, that this leap of faith, this bit of discomfort, creates a space for positive things to come.
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Awkward is a good word for it. And, I love you hope that this will create space for positive things to come. Now i just need to hold onto that perspective. Thank you. 🙂
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Huge step! I can’t imagine. That act of setting up a nursery is the true definition of “uncomfortable optimism”. You two are very brave! All the best!!
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I love that saying – uncomfortable optimism! It’s a very good way to describe it. Thanks so much for your encouragement!
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Sorry you were forced to take this leap. But I am so very confident you will someday hopefully soon be filling that nursery. Since you were forced to do it– I say you focus on the hope and joy that is coming. Xo
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Thank you so much for your confident hope! And I think you are right, I need to focus on the hope and the joy that will eventually fill that room and the space in my heart. Thank you!
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Good job! You got this! I totally understand the fear you’re feeling. But you’re strong. Your baby will come! xoxo
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Thank you so much! The fear is real, eh? But, as you say, my baby is coming and I just need to focus on that! 🙂
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I hate the things that infertility/RPL steals from you. Things like being naive and innocent, being blissfully hopeful and having unadulterated excitement. I hate that when you bought your baby’s crib you had a knot in your stomach, but I would and probably will be the same way. I had a meltdown the other night because I thought – I won’t be able to enjoy being pregnant if (when) it happens because I’ll be so nervous the whole time. It’s just so unfair and people don’t realize the long term effects of IF/RPL. Anyway, I didn’t mean for this to be so long, but my point is this – it sucks and it’s unfair but I understand your feelings and you aren’t alone. And I’m here to remind you that it is ok to be hopefully and excited even when it’s hard. xoxo
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I completely understand what you mean! Infertility and RPL are cruel in so many ways. I think anyone who has gone through any version of IF will struggle more then most when they are pregnant because of their history and the very real fears. It sucks, and it’s unfair.
I so hope you get your turn to be needlessly stressed through a healthy pregnancy really soon! 🙂
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Yaaaay for taking the plunge and buying a crib! I totally understand how you feel, bit just think: you WILL have your baby! That’s the beauty of adoption. You don’t know when or how and heartbreak is probably part of the deal at some point, but you will get your baby! I’m so happy that your nursery is coming along. You so deserve this!
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I am so trying to hold onto the idea that we WILL have our baby eventually. That’s one of the best parts about choosing adoption, the risk of loss is a lot less then any of the other ways to become pregnant (i.e. surrogacy).
Thank you so much for reminding me to be happy and to try to enjoy this. 🙂
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Wow, that sounds like an incredibly painful step to take, but one you two have successfully done! The crib and all is just gorgeous! Great work, I am so proud 🙂 XOXO HUGS
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Thank you so much for your encouragement and understanding. It is such a huge step, and i’m really just trying to focus on the hopeful side of this step not the fearful side.
Where are you guys at with your nursery?
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Ha, it’s kind of the catch all rooms for Little dudes stuff… I’m still somewhat scared of that room and intimidated by it! So now I just set his stuff down in there and walk out! But, hopefully soon we will start painting or something?!
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Just echoing other posters’ feelings. It seems really insensitive to require, or even strongly recommend, that couples whose hopes for a baby have eluded them for so long would set up a nursery just for a pretty picture in an adoption profile book. It’s just not fair.
Having said that, I hope that this nursery will become a new baby’s room very soon, and you’ll be happy everything is already set up so you can have every minute you can to spend with your much anticipated bundle of joy.
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I completely agree with you, it really doesn’t make sense that we are setting up a nursery at this point in time just to create a desired photo. But like you say, on the plus side, one day our child will be in that room and it will be their space. 🙂
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It is crazy that you need to do this now, but I get it. These superficial things seem important to young first moms placing their babies. I’ve read people turned away for not having a horse, because the first mom always wanted a horse. What? My thought would be to stage it and return the bedding until you know what baby you’re getting (and you WILL get one!). Then make the nursery all his or her own!
This was very brave of you. I did nothing in the nursery until mid-pregnancy because after everything we went through to conceive, I just didn’t believe it was going to happen. No way could I have done it before a real baby was even on the horizon. Good for you for putting on your game face and playing along!
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I get exactly what you are saying about it being crazy and yet making sense at the same time. Honestly, I think someone placing their child should get to make the decision however they want. And if they want a horse, then so be it, they can choose someone with a horse. 🙂
Oh, and we decided just to keep the green stuff, because it matches the room, and I’m pretty sure we will actually want more then one set of sheets when the time comes. So we’ll just buy more in the colours we want, when we actually have a baby.
And here’s the game face! Adoption really is just about jumping through hoops and playing along.
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Is there room in your heart and mind to view this as a manifestation of the desire you have placed in the hands of fate or the Universe (since you don’t believe in God)? This is the manifestation of your wish to have a child and your commitment to ready your selves and your home for that child. If, as I believe (and you can but do not have to), that child is not yet born but has already chosen you as parents and either has entered into a contract with you or is waiting for assurance from you two that you mean business and will be there for him or her unconditionally, maybe this is one more step that child needs to know just how wanted s/he is and how ready you both are to invite him/her into your home, your heart, your lives.
I am not trying to dismiss the fear. I still hear myself say “if” and I am 25 weeks into this pregnancy. I still feel afraid – hell, this past week I have had fears of losing our Miracle Toddler for reasons that I am sure relate to my deeper fears about this baby in my belly really making it into our arms safe and sound – but I have to manifest my belief that this will work out. Somehow. Even if I have to fake it until I can make it some days. In my heart I believe my wish will come true. I believe yours will too. I see what you two did here as manifesting your wish and the belief you either have or hope to have that this wish will come true. One more step forward. One step closer. 🙂
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I think you share a great perspective and one I would like to try to embrace more closely. Somewhere in all of this, I do hope that by moving forward with something like a crib, we are putting it out there to the universe that we are ready. As though we are one more step closer to this actually becoming a reality. One more step closer to our child. One more step closer to our family.
One step at a time, one day at a time – this seems to be a recurring theme in my life these days. I am just trying to move forward with the best of intentions, and with hope whenever I can.
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I am applauding you from the depths of my heart. I could not have done this.
I could not.
With blessings of friendship,
Dani
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Thank you so much Dani. While you say you couldn’t have done it, I suspect just like us, you would if you felt like you needed to. It’s hard, but alas, it’s done. One more thing checked off the list.
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I hate that imposter syndrome! I’m proud of you both, had to have been damn near impossible (and I’m not sure I agree with their strong recommendation). Sending you peace for the closed door with new furniture. ❤
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Thanks so much Justine! I look forward to the day that we’ll open that door without a knot of fear in our stomachs.
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A big step to see it is infolding and getting closer everyday.
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So long as I can push the fear to the side, I agree, we are getting closer everyday. 🙂
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Shortly after our release from the RE, DH and I went to Babies R Us to buy…anything, just to claim the store as a place where we belonged. I felt like an imposter then too, still bleeding like crazy, waiting for the shoe to drop, etc. All I can say is that it has a fake-it-til-you-make-it affect. It’s like you’re manifesting something here by putting the nursery together, walking away from one path of loss and pain, firmly planted on a new one that, statistically speaking, will most likely lead to a family 🙂
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I love you idea of claiming the store as somewhere you belong! I haven’t stepped into Babies R Us since our first loss, maybe I should, just to reclaim the space!
And I also love your perspective of manifesting this new path to our family.
Thank you so much for showing me this way of thinking. I will work very hard to practice it. 🙂
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I am so hopeful for you both! I remember the enormity of buying something more than a piece of clothing for a future child (years before I ever started ttc). *big hugs* You are doing great!!
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Thank you so much for your understanding and encouragement! It feels huge right now, but I hope one day I can look back in the same way you do now! 🙂
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Proud of you to take that step. Your baby is on its way. ♡
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Thank you so much!! I am trying to focus on this step as a sign to the world that we are ready and waiting! 🙂
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I am hopeful and excited for you. I can only imagine all the emotions you feel having to prepare a room for a child you don’t know yet. However, maybe this is just the push you need to open your heart for that child and for yourself. The last thing that a newly adopted child wants is too feel like there is already a wall built between you and him/her, and I’m sure you feel the same. Great progress is being made love! XO
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Thanks so much for your encouragement! I think each step is a bit about moving forward, letting go of the past and embracing our future at the same time. I just prefer to do it on my own time, but at least this step is now done. 🙂
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Sometimes we need a push, this was yours. Hopefully you’ll have more time to move into the other steps.
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That is a huge step, but I agree with others that I think it isn’t their place to force that on you. We were told we just need to have a room but it doesn’t need to be set up or anything. I’m sorry that you weren’t able to enjoy the process. RPL has stolen enough from you, it’s just not fair that you continued to get robbed of things. Sending you lots and lots of love!!!
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We were also told we need to have a room. But, then we were encouraged to have a picture of the nursery so the birth mom can see the room. Part of me gets it from that perspective. I’d want to know, so I can understand why they would want to. But, your right, it’s just one more thing that we have not been able to enjoy the way “normal” people get to. It’s frustrating!
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Considering everything you both have been through, I could totally see and understand the stress/pressure/fear you were under purchasing the items for the nursery. In a way though, I’m happy that you got to experience shopping for your baby. Getting a space ready in your home where you can bond, and love, and cuddle. It may take time, and be a very lengthy and frustrating process, but my hope for you and Mr. MPB is that you get your forever family with a little one to help fill your hearts after all your heartbreaking losses. My prayers are with you guys, and that this period gives you the opportunity to let some of these walls fall a little and allow you to enjoy the possibility of something more….all my love!
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Thank you so much for your love and your hope and your encouragement to let some of our walls fall a little.
You will probably really like to hear that we bought a second hand dresser today and it wasn’t nearly as traumatizing as the crib purchase. And we even went into the actual nursery without too much anxiety. We are making progress. 🙂
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Progress is all anyone can ask for…proud of you! Excited for you…praying for you…
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