Arg!
Yup, adoption is frustrating!
More specifically the process to adopt is frustrating.
Or still better yet, the nuances of international adoption are slowly driving me insane!
Today, I am going to talk about the biggest challenge we’re continually facing with international adoption:
Navigating the adoption demands and requirements of 2 counties.
We’ve determined that no-one on either side of the border can produce a list to tell us exactly what documents they will need and when. In my mind, a comprehensive list is a pretty basic organizational tool both for perspective adoptive parents but also for the agencies themselves. But evidently this is not something anyone else in a position of power seems to agree with. Part of me is starting to believe their must be some conspiracy behind the lack of clarity and organization from everyone involved in adoption – maybe this stuff is about making adoptive parents suffer for months to prove we really want to adopt? Or they do it to test what it takes to see an adoptive parent break down in frustration, sort of like a how much stress can they handle test?
Anyways, today we have been asked to produce a document for the USA side of our adoption. I’m getting really good at quickly producing unexpected documentation, so this isn’t something that regularly causes me frustration for two reasons. First, I’m very good at asking our agencies what they will require next, so I can start to get stuff together early and hand them organized files. I’ve learned the hard way to ask early and as frequently, because they always want something. Second, I’m hyper organized so, unless it’s my car keys, I can find whatever is needed usually within a few minutes or at the very least a few days.
Today we were asked for a specific financial document that our agency in the USA and evidently our government required T4’s are not sufficient. Their request makes no sense to us, but we’ve learned that logic does not guide the adoption process so we both let that go right away and just started figuring out how we can comply with their request. Upon initial investigation we thought it would be manageable, and started lining up the people involved to get the paperwork in our hands. Of course, it can never be that simple and with the help of our accountant we’ve now determined that their request is literally impossible.
For the first time in my life I am left wishing I were an accountant so that I could better understand the technicalities of the situation. (Thankfully, that wish passed very quickly, and common sense returned so I’ll let Mr. MPB and the professionals understand the details).
Even thought I don’t necessarily get he details, what I do know is that the document they requested simply does not exist in Canada and cannot exist due to our different financial and legal systems! This is clearly going to make for an interesting challenge. Right now, the two most probable options are to find someone in the USA who has no professional ethical convictions to sign something that they have no business singing for two Canadians, or we need to convince the agency that we cannot provide what they have asked for. (Is it sad that I think it will be easier to find an unethical professional?*).
So, now once again we are left trying to figure out how to bridge two systems and wondering how much it is going to cost us to create the seemingly impossible. As we’ve learned that common sense will not prevail, we are guessing this is going to cost us a few thousand unexpected dollars. Fun times over here in the MPB household.
Yup, just another day in the world of navigating international adoption.
This poster should be part of my adoption survival kit!
* Please note Mr. MPB and I will NEVER do anything unethical or illegal. It’s just not the way we operate.
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My Perfect Breakdown 
It shocks me that they are not aware of this with so many Canadians adopting from the States now. I seriously hope one day you can improve the process. It just sucks to be the one going through the eat maze of a system before its fixed
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You are right, it totally sucks going through the rat maze before the system is fixed. I do hope one day I can make a positive contribution to the system to help others going through it in the future.
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*rat maze
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Yep. Sounds about right. I’m having trouble with my county and applying for secondary pregnancy insurance because I’m self-employed. They need articles of organization and a certificate from the state (and bank statements) for my LLC and can’t seem to understand that the business’ s earnings are my earnings. The two things aren’t separate. I offer services, not a product. They really, really can’t seem to deal with that.
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You are so right, those two things are not separate! And, everything turns complicated the second we have to explain that. So frustrating! Wishing you the best resolving your own version of this frustration!!
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Sounds like your conspiracy theories may be correct. This is all one big test. And I know in the end, you’ll pass with flying colors. I wish you the very best getting over these hurdles in the meantime!
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Thank you so much Wifey. I really do wonder sometimes about the unnecessarily complex adoption process, Some days I think a giant conspiracy is the only possible answer for all of the insanity. 🙂
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GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!! That’s all I have to say about that BS.
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I am right there with you!!
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If the point of this document is to demonstrate that your family has an income, what about a Notice of Assessment from the CRA? I’m sorry that the two systems aren’t more streamlined and that the U.S. is asking for things that don’t exist in Canada. Good on you for being proactive though. I imagine it is accelerating the process for you.
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So, here’s the problem with your suggestions, you are thinking like a someone who has common sense! Adoption has nothing to do with common sense. (can you tell I’m frustrated right now?)
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Yeah, I know. I’m sorry that the process is so unstreamlined for self-employed people. Any ideas what you’ll do?
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Currently I’m focusing on trying not to have a nervous breakdown, but I’m sure we will come up with a solution at some point. We have a few weeks to figure it out.
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Yeah, do what you need to hang in there. I hope the solution comes to you somehow. Thinking of you 🙂
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Arg indeed! (And here I thought this was going to be a post about pirates…) Being asked to do impossible things is so exciting! I’m sorry you’re going through this. Sending best wishes from the States… sorry I’m not an accountant so I can’t sign your forms!
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I should write something about pirates, it could be entertaining. I’m sure I could find some way to link adoption with pirating. 🙂
Thank you so much for your best wishes! I will take any and all good vibes as we work to sort this one out.
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***business opportunity**** make lists for adoptive parents!!! Lol
I don’t believe that they’ve never done a cross border adoption. There have to be others before you who have gone through the same process. This just doesn’t make sense!
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What a wonderful idea!
And I tend to agree with you that this doesn’t make any sense, but I’m starting to believe nothing about international adoption makes sense.
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I’m sitting here wracking my brain trying to see if I know any unethical financial people. So far, all I’m coming up with is unethical landlords, handymen, and CEOs. I hope someone within the adoption community can offer some solid advice on this! It’s nuts to me that they don’t have a more fluid system in place, but I guess anytime you throw out the word “system,” it’s bound to be a mess. I know you’ll figure it out, though! You always do!
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Hahaha! I laughed so hard when I read this comment! Yes, there are a lot of unethical people, but when it comes to finances, I tend to prefer and associate with the ethical type as well. 🙂 But if I ever need to find an unethical handyman, I’ll be sure to email you.
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It sounds like adoption is not for the faint of heart. I too am baffled by their lack or organization within the system. You are doing a great job, even in your frustrations! I believe you are going to rock this out and come up with a great plan!! XOX
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I am starting to think adoption is not for the faint of heart, or the sane! 🙂
Thank you so much for your confidence in us, I do hope you are right.
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I’m irritated for you. My bestie is an accountant and he owes me a lot of favors. I’m more than happy to see if there is some way he can help, if you would like. Vast majority of my social network is lawyers, so I can also ask around for adoption insight if that might help. Let me know if there is anything specific I can do!
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You are so sweet Caitlin!! Who knows, at some point I may have to get the name of your friend to see if he can ethically help. I’ll keep you posted. Thank you again! 🙂
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That is indeed frustrating. Could be someone you could reach out and who have done this?
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It is very frustrating. We are trying to figure out the best solution and so far no-one seems to have any really good ideas, but hopefully eventually we reach out to the right person with the right answer.
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I love your poster. I would seriously go crazy with that paperwork or have to hire an admin assistant. You’re really organized. Good luck!
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I love the poster too. Someone I used to work with had it on their office door, and it was so fitting then, and again now. 🙂
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Frustrating! Good luck!
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So frustrating!
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I don’t understand how this is an issue…I mean, you can’t be the ONLY Canadians EVER to be self employed, who want to adopt from the US!?!? And surely the adoption agencies realize that it’s 2 different countries, with 2 different ways that they are run. It just makes no sense, and I’m sorry that it’s so extremely hard and confusing for you!
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I 100% agree with you, but common sense clearly does not prevail. Arg!
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How terribly frustrating! You can’t be the only people that have encountered this obstacle. I hope you find an easy way to get through this. Thinking of you and sending many hugs your way! ❤
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We will find a way through it eventually. Just one more frustration that is slowly driving me crazy. Thank you so much for your hugs, I absolutely need them right now.
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Geez! What the heck?!?! Certainly you can’t be the first couple this agency has worked with from Canada. Do they have recommendations as to how to go about resolving this? Argh. Sorry friend.
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You would think not! I think this might have to do with the recent staff change, but I really don’t know. All I know is that I am frustrated and getting tired of these little bumps in the road.
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I think it’s wonderful that you’re so organized, because probably you’re keeping excellent records. So you will be able to write a book about it – a very factual book, aimed at adoptive parents like you. Probably you could get input from others, too.
But before you get involved in that, do you think you could come on down to Washington and get me organized too???
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Organization is one of my biggest skills/compulsions. One day I do hope to be able to make some sort of positive contribution to the adoption world, who knows maybe a book will be in order.
A trip to Washington would be so much fun! 🙂
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Arg!! How frustrating to have made this decision to adopt and then they have to make it SO complicated….and from what you said, maybe impossible??! What?! I will personally help you figure out this USA adoption paperwork necessity if you need help. I’m in L.A. so just let me know! Why can’t things become easier for us all…like we haven’t been through enough! Thinking of you!! xoxoxo
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So frustrating! Thank you so much for your offer of support sweetie, you are simply too kind! It just donned on me, there’s a good chance we will adopt from LA, we might actually get to meet one day!! 🙂
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Ugh. Sorry to hear this. I would ask the agency for an alternative before doing something unethical (which could also be unlawful…?) There must be someone in the agency with common sense, surely? I hope?
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You made me realize that my sarcasim may not have shone through in that post and I need to add a line into that post stating that we will never do something unethical or illegal, because clearly that’s not how we operate.
P.S. There is no common sense in adoption. I have absolutely given up on that hope.
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I sensed sarcasm but you must remember I am a litigator. That means I see otherwise sensible, professional, educated people do unethical and even fraudulent things when the ends appear to justify the means and viable alternatives appear limited. The resulting occupational hazard? I never take anything for granted!
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Yes, definitely an occupational hazard! No unethical or fraudulent things from us, we are too boring for that. 🙂
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Arg is right?! They must have had adoptions from Canada before…why would they keep asking for a form that Canadians can not get?! It makes no sense. Hope you are able to get it cleared up quickly and dare I say, cheaply!
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I have no idea why they are asking for things we cannot get here. As for it making no sense, I’m starting to think the whole international adoption world simply makes no sense, and I suspect the sooner I can accept that, the happier I will be.
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