Adoption Agency Re-Evaluation
I feel like I’ve spent the last week obsessively focusing on all our family drama and all the accompanying emotions. I’m still hurting, but I also recognize that I cannot get stuck in a place of hurt at the expense of all the other things in our lives, most importantly our adoption stuff that while at times is stressful, is also incredibly exciting.
So, with that, I’m going to share what we have been up-to since we got so annoyed at the USA agency last week.
First, a few bloggers were just phenomenal with their advice and some even found the legislation that I so desperately needed. Thank you so much to so many of you, but particularly to Bruised Banana and Spirit Baby Come Home. I am just so unbelievably thankful for all your support and advice helping me figure out things well beyond my knowledge base.
First, I talked with my counsellor. Her first advice was that we don’t get scared away based on one bad conversation. She helped me see that with our insensitive family stuff happening at the same time, we were probably feeling rather sensitive about everything. Further, she reminded me that my gut reaction has never lead me wrong, and my first gut reaction months ago, was that this is the agency for us. They are Hague Accredited, and approved by our province, neither of those tasks are small accomplishments – seriously, today only 5 USA agencies have met this criteria.
Second, I took a deep breath. I realize this might not be news worthy to many, but when I get stressed I tend to stop breathing like a normal human being. And of course a lack of oxygen and a racing mind results in exaggerated stress.
Third, I reached out to someone else in my real life who has adopted more than once from the USA, and recently chose to change agencies to the same one we are considering. I shared my concerns with her, and she let me know she had all the same concerns at one point too. And, then she did the most amazing thing, she found me all the answers that directly pertain to the agency we planned to use! She’s further into the process then we are, and so she was able to share what she has learned through her lawyer. How amazing was that?! She also reminded me that ultimately we will work with our lawyer more then we will the agency, but we just have to wait out the process to get the lawyer. So, for now we’ve decided not to hire our own private lawyer and risk stepping offside of the required process (which is something we were really worried about).
Fourth, we re-called the other 4 agencies available to us. Turns out, 3 of them are currently closed to out-going international adoptions. And, we still really don’t like the 4th one and simply will not adopt through them. So, we really don’t have much choice if we want to proceed with an international infant adoption – we have to use the agency we originally preferred.
So, this means we are proceeding with the same agency as before. And we are now doing so with our eyes even more wide open to the possibility of receiving confusing information from them. This also means, we will continue to educate and advocate for ourselves.
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I am so glad that you have resources at your disposal that can make light of some of the inconsistencies. I also think that simplifying things (recalling the other three agencies) will make this process easier too. Remembering to breathe is a difficult thing when you’re stressed. I’m working on it too.
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You are right on all accounts! We needed to simplify our concerns and remind ourselves why we chose this agency in the first place. No-one is perfect (which is really hard for me to accept), so we have to make the best of the situation and move forward with our eyes open while remembering to breath. One Day At A Time. Maybe we can help each other remember this? 🙂
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Yes! I think that would be a great idea.
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I’m so glad to hear that you’ve gotten some clarity and reassurance! Keep breathing! ❤ XOXO
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Thanks so much MLACS! It’s hard for me to accept imperfection on behalf of our adoption agency because seriously they impact the most critical thing in our lives. But I have to remember that no-one is perfect.
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I am very relieved to sense the more settled tone and to know you and Mr. MPB have come to decisions that feel right for you based on more fulsome information. Thank goodness for all the help your friends and counsellor have been able to provide.
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Thank good for your help as well!! Second sober thoughts are always so incredibly valuable. And I have to remember that adoption decisions are not the same as work decisions and I have to make space for that, as all things adoption are based in emotion which cannot/should not be separated out of the equation.
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That is a very good point. I hadn’t even thought of that but you’re so right. Time (and breathing deeply) can lend such perspective. I’ve been teaching the MT to take deep breaths when he is freaking out and it is such a valuable reminder to me as well. Most of us cannot think clearly or act reasonably when we are spiralled in knots and breathing very shallowly or not at all.
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I’m glad that you got reassurance from several sources that you’re making the right decision by staying with your agency. It’s so frustrating to get different answers within the same organization–but it sounds like this is overall a good place to work with!
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I sure hope they will be a good place to work with, and if nothing else, at least we are more prepared to expect future hurdles and communication issues. 🙂
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I’m so happy there were people out there that could help with actual legislation and real life experience with the agency. That’s one of the reasons we went with the agency we did…in fact, we actually never checked with any others. We know 2 couples that have adopted or are waiting for a child through our agency and they both raved about the social worker we will work with and the agency. The one couple has adopted all 3 of their children through them. 🙂
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You so get it! Thank you!! Like you, we like this agency because we know people who have good things to say. It’s just so important to know others who have walked the path before us. 🙂
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Your counsellor sounds like a very wise woman. I like her perspective on the situation. I’m glad you got the information you needed are feeling at peace with staying at your agency. I hope that was just one blip and they are outstanding from here on out!
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She is such a wise women! I am so thankful for her!!
Thank you for your hope, we too are hoping that this is just one blip. But at least we are now more aware to expect the unexpected. 🙂
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Sometimes a little more research is all you need to confirm that your initial choice was the best. I’m glad you were able to validate your decision even if you still have some apprehensions.
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Any time!! If you ever need anything else like that please don’t hesitate to ask.
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I’m so happy that you found some support that was also able to help get you some answers!! I would like to say that I hope things get easier from here on out, but I also know that you have a long road ahead of you and it won’t always be easy. So instead I’ll say keep your eye on the prize, and just keep reminding yourself that in the end you’ll have the family you’ve always wanted. 🙂
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Congratulations on the breathing! Seriously, congrats… I am so glad that you got the information that you needed and had multiple resources to turn to for this situation. I am glad that you are able to move forward with more information from other adoptive parents in hand, and knowing that this is the best option that you have for the adoption you want. I hope that things go smoother from here and that the confusing information becomes clearer. I am so, so glad you have so many knowledgeable sources of support. Good luck to you as you continue on, eyes wide open, towards your beautiful expanded family!
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Wonderful news! Clarity of direction is always kind of bracing and reassuring.
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You are so right! Even if we still have some hesitations, we know that its the best path for us, right now. And that’s reassuring. 🙂
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