Waiting Impatiently

  Posted on January 12, 2015 By

 43 Comments

Everyone says that adoption takes time. Adoption is slow.

Well you know what, we are just at the start of the process and it’s driving me crazy!  (FYI, I acknowledge that I have never been known for my patience, in fact I am very well known for my impatience).

We chose our local adoption agency in part because they told us a schedule to anticipate. The first two steps were supposed to go something like this:

Step 1: Submit your paperwork and fees

Step 2: A social worker will be assigned and you will do home study right away. At most there will be a week or two delay if all the social workers are busy.

So, we have stalled out at Step 2. We have been here for over 3 weeks now. Not a word from the agency. Not a single word, not even a simple “there has been a delay” or a “we are still waiting for a social worker to become available.”

But, they sure as heck took our money and processed our payment within a day of dropping off our paperwork.

I get that I shouldn’t complain, a few weeks is not that big of a deal in the scheme of life, and I get that the process is slow, but I didn’t expect a month long delay right out of the gate. I don’t want to call and pester them or neg, as I’m afraid I may start annoying them.  It is probably not a good idea annoy them considering we learned early on at the mandatory adoption seminar that they aren’t big on having people question them and so we probably shouldn’t irritate the people who hold the keys to our future family.  So, instead we wait without any type of communication.

But, honestly we’ve paid them enough that we deserve some sort of communication! I’m not asking for much, I do not expect a daily or a weekly email or phone call. A simple little email touching base is not a hard thing to accomplish, and would take less then 10 minutes of someone’s time. Seriously, I’d feel a whole heck of a lot better about this delay if they could just send an email to acknowledge that they remember we are alive.

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 Category: Adoption      Tags: , , , ,

43 Comments on “Waiting Impatiently”

  1. I hope you hear something soon! I understand your impatience. It would be really hard for me not to contact them.

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  3. Im very impatient as well. Its a new week though so hopefullt uou will get a call this week

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  4. Ugh, that is SO annoying. I was wondering how you were doing with the waiting, as it really does seem like a loooooong process. I hope this next step can at least get finished soon. That’s so frustrating that they haven’t called yet.

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    • The waiting is insane. But guess what, we just got the call tonight to schedule our first home visit! So now all my time (and anxieties) will go into preparing our home! I’m not sure if I should be excited or terrified. 🙂

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  5. Oh man, I’m terrible at patience so I would be all up in their grill lol! Fingers crossed you hear from them soon! If you don’t, do you think sending an email to confirm they “have everything they need from you” would help jog their action time? Still keeping fingers crossed they get ahold of you really soon!

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  6. As a person who has been through the adoption process and come out the other side, (we adopted our son at birth from Washington, DC–he’s 6 now) I can tell you the waiting is rough. The most regrettable thing we did (in hindsight) was tell our friends and family early on. I am a teacher (of adults) and I told my students near the beginning of the process, as well. Not a day went by that someone didn’t ask me “how’s the adoption going?” “have you heard anything?” etc. There was no way to “put it out of my mind.” My best advice is to ask the people in your life not to ask you about it and that you will give them news when there is some. This way, you can find ways to distract yourself from waiting without being asked. It’s kind of like waiting in line for something. If you are just standing there, it sucks. But, if you are standing there talking to someone, surfing the web, or reading a book, it is much, much easier and feels quicker. Throughout the process you will be waiting for so many things like: to finish paperwork; to get home study scheduled; for results of home study; for news of being chosen by the Birth Mother; for her to have the baby; to take the baby home; to complete the waiting period for her to change her mind; for the baby to roll over; sit up; walk; talk; etc. Waiting is endless. Find ways to manage it now and it will make life much easier. I read A LOT, watched movies, worked A LOT, did art projects, painted a mural on the baby’s room wall (my first), took walks, etc.

    As for the agency saying they don’t like to be nagged, I’d ignore that completely and call to check in. (They shouldn’t have said that.) Trust me, they are used to it folks getting anxious or impatient and it behooves them to be nice to you, no matter what. Many are likely to be adoptive parents who have gone through the process. They will understand. Just call them and you will feel less anxious to know what is going on. My guess is that the delay is related to the holidays, but you need to know and it is 100% your right to check in with them whenever you need to.

    Please feel free to email me anytime, if you need to chat. I’m happy to help! espngrl@verizon.net. Peace and hope for you both. You have been through so much, way more than anyone should. Fondly, Lisa

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    • Thanks so much for all of this!! I love your idea of asking our family members not to neg us, as we will update them when we have any news. I’m sure this will help us through all the waiting!
      And, thanks for your support and ideas for how to handle this particular delay with our agency! I’m thrilled to say, that they called us all on their own this evening! We now have our first home study scheduled.
      Also, thank you for your email address. It is wonderful to have someone who understands, so I may just end up emailing you during this process. Thank you so much.

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    • We would love to be matched very quickly, but we refuse to get our hopes up. Rather, we know it’s out of our control so we are trying not to focus on that at all.
      Thanks for the link! Much appreciated. 🙂

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  8. Plus you’ve already waited all the time you and your husband were going through RPL. Im sorry youre still waiting. Im not patient either; once you’re ready for something, you’re ready, right? I hope you hear from them soon. The social workers are going to love your home, it always seems so put-together and beautiful!

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  9. I would be climbing the walls if I were you! Hopefully the delay is just because of the holidays and they’ll be in touch soon!

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    • We did submit before Christmas, but they told us that the delay shouldn’t be more then 2 weeks. So, as we watch the time keep ticking by it was driving me crazy! But, they contact us tonight and we are now moving forward again and my sanity has returned for the moment. 🙂

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  11. How frustrsting! Wonder if they are delayed due to the holidays? Either way, communication would be great! I too am highly impatient and go nuts in tge absence of information. Hope they get back to you asap!

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  13. How annoying and frustrating! I’m impatient too, and I hate it when someone who is supposed to be keeping in touch just seems to fall off the face of the earth. When things like this happen to me, and I don’t want to be overly annoying, I will usually send an email as a little nudge, since in my mind that isn’t as “in your face” as a phone call. Maybe that’s just me? I hope that you hear something from these people soon!!

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    • Thanks so much Amy for your encouragement. Mr. MPB and I had been debating how to make the “nudge” contact, but they actually got in touch with us today! So our waiting is done, at least for this stage. 🙂

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  14. That would drive me crazy. I’d send an email asking about something else paperwork-y to give them a little nudge, I think. I hope the rest happens quickly to make up for the initial slow going!

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  16. How frustrating. Especially as you have paid them money – it’s disgraceful they haven’t been in touch. And how stressful to feel you can’t ask about what’s happening as they don’t like people who question them too much. Horrible!!!! Oh – I’ve just spied your comment two above this one – SO glad you’ve heard something! X

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    • I agree with everything you said! At the end of the day and as much as I hate to think about it this way, they are a business and we are their client. In almost any other business this type of non-communication wouldn’t be tolerated.
      But, at least we now have a response and we are moving forward again! I’m thrilled that we are taking another step forward. 🙂

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