A Post I Never Thought I’d Write – My Blogging Rules

  Posted on November 25, 2014 By

 58 Comments

My Perfect Breakdown is an important piece of my very existence. It is a place where I share my ongoing search for hope and happiness. Where I share our desire and atypical experiences to grow our family. Where I have good days and some bad days. Where I share my most intimate thoughts, and I share my most personal vulnerability. My Perfect Breakdown is grounded in my love for life and my passion for leaving a positive impact on the world.

So today, as a follow-up to yesterday’s post, I am choosing to do something I never thought I would have to do. Today, I am writing four simple rules for anyone who wishes to comment on My Perfect Breakdown:

  1. Respect. You do not have to agree with my thoughts and my perspective. In fact, I encourage you to disagree and I welcome a constructive discourse based in respect. However, I do not appreciate hostile, rude and/or ignorant comments. I require that comments be respectful in order to be approved.
  2. Support. My blog is a place of support. Support for me and support for others. Many people reading and commenting are going through their own personal struggles. Some might be related to infertility, adoption, or any sort of personal adversity. My point is simple, My Perfect Breakdown is a place to offer support and love. Anything else is not welcome.
  3. Polite. This one is pretty self-explanatory. Please be polite in your comments to me and to others who choose to comment.
  4. Positivity. I firmly believe that the world needs more positive people. Positivity breeds positivity. Negativity breeds negativity. So bring on the positive comments and forget the negative and/or hateful comments.

If these rules are not followed (i.e. if I deem anything to be disrespectful, rude and/or hateful) then I will not post the comment and if necessary I will blacklist individuals entirely. No questions asked, and no explanations offered.

I have no intentions to censor my blog and/or change what I write about. I do not plan to avoid controversial topics. I will not only write about “easy” topics because the hard topics are too scary or intimidating or invite unpleasant responses.

But, at the same time, I will not promote negativity and I will not share hatred. There is enough hatred in our world and I will not spend one millisecond of my time supporting the dissemination of such thoughts. If you feel the need to write a negative comment, I can assure you, it will not be shared publicly on this blog and you may find yourself blacklisted entirely so that I also do not have to read such words.

My decision to censor negative comments, is simply the result of my desire to make the world a better place. Please join me and take part in this positive approach. To the vast majority of you who choose to make the world a better place every single day, thank you!

If you like this post, please feel free to share it and please return to myperfectbreakdown.com to follow my journey.

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58 Comments on “A Post I Never Thought I’d Write – My Blogging Rules”

  1. well said. Not long ago I had to unapprove a set of comments that were really inciting. I felt such a dilemma, because I think the internet is a good place for free speech and I value all sorts of opinions, even dissenting ones. but the comments themselves were really just hurtful. I consulted with another blog friend who helped me make the call- I share the same attitude as you- this is a great space for support, sharing opinions and positivity. I hope that it continues to be so, especially when dealing with hard topics.

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    • I am sorry and sad that you understand what I am talking about, but I am thankful that you too believe that your blog, like mine, is a place for support, sharing or opinions and positivity! At least for me, I see this as part of me and my objective in life which is to promote love and positivity, so the decision to censor was pretty easy for me. 🙂

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  2. I also do not approve negative comments, I’ve received quite a few that just broke my heart, but it’s not right to share it with the rest of the world. Yes, there is enough negativity in the world, and I completely agree with this censoring. However, I’m also a bit sad it’s even needed, but it is needed. Sending love.

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    • Thank you for sharing your perspective. In a sad way I’m glad to know I’m not the only one censoring comments. That said, I think I’m more elated that this hadn’t started sooner – I think I’ve probably been pretty fortunate that until the last few weeks I was oblivious to mean comments.

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  4. It’s your space and your prerogative. Those people have plenty of other spaces in which they can spew hatred. It’s certainly not needed here. ❤ I think you made the right call.

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  5. Ugh. I’m so sorry. I don’t know about you, but I started blogging because I needed a safe place to unload everything I was dealing with. Just because we choose to make our blogs public doesn’t mean that we shouldn’t be extended respect and compassion. I would argue that people should err on the side of MORE respect, MORE compassion.

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    • You are just so right, the world needs more respect and more compassion!! I cannot change the world, but I can ensure my little part in it is a positive one, and that includes MPB. 🙂

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  6. Oh boy, the trolls must be out in full-force because one hit me last week and was unbearably cruel at a time when I was feeling extremely vulnerable. I’m such a coward and ended up making my site private for now (you’re welcome to request an invite if you want! I miss my fellow bloggers 🙂 ).
    At the risk of sounding like a middle schooler, “mean people suck.”

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    • I have been missing you, so I absolutely requested access!!
      I can understand your reaction, and can see why you and others would make there blog private – it’s freaking hard to deal with reading negative comments! (FYI, I discovered WordPress lets us blacklist IP addresses and email addresses so we never get comments from the “mean” people again).

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      • Really?? I’ll have to look into that. I want to return my site to public eventually so that people with similar experiences can find it and hopefully get some support from it. It’s just going take time to go back to “trusting” the internet with my story.

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      • I love that you are taking some time before going public again – I suspect it’s very healthy to protect yourself right now.
        And, I just discovered I have permission to see your site again – thank you!

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  7. Love this, but agree that you shouldn’t have to spell this out. Negativity and hatred have no place in this community, we are all here to support each other and offer a kind and listening ear during good times and bad. You have my full support 🙂

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  9. After a very negative comment created a very hard and negative conversation on my blog a few months ago, I too have these rules in place firmly on my blog. I intend to share this blog and I hope others do too, you may have been speaking for yourself but it felt like my own words and feelings. Thank you for that. I love and respect your blog and your brutal honesty. Keep up the beauty of written word you so elegantly put out. XO

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    • I am so sorry you also experienced such a negative interaction, but I love that you have chosen to continue to share and support positive comments on your blog (because I love and respect your blog and your journey, and I know others do too).
      Thank you for the reblog – I think it’s great to reinforce the idea of positive blogging. And thank you for your unconditional support and love.

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  10. I hope my comment yesterday didn’t come across as negative. I saw later that you clarified your post. I apologize if I was negative. I wish you much love!

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    • Although, I still haven’t responded to everything yesterday, please know that I absolutely did not read your comment as negative!!! Trust me, that’s the last thing I read into it!
      You are amazing and I love your never ending support and love and your courage to speak the truth!

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  11. Reblogged this on Ladylove & Babydust and commented:
    I whole heartedly support these blogging rules and wish to share this in hopes more people understand blog etiquette. We are here to use our voices on topics not always pretty and neat. I belive that if you don’t have anything nice to say….well you know that line.

    Please respect not only this fellow bloggers space but mine and everyone elses.

    Thank you My Perfect Breakdown!

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    • Thanks, I also hated writing this post (and yesterday’s too), but I felt it was to important to just ignore.
      Anyways, I hope you too never have to face negative and hurtful comments again. We can always hope, right?

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  15. I like your rules. With the nature of our blogs being so emotionally charged, I think people forget their manners, even if their intent is positive. I’m glad you reiterated what ‘support’ looks like.

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    • Thanks! It was weird to write this post, and yesterday’s post. I didn’t want to draw attention to the negativity, but I also felt that it was important to set ground rules for what is acceptable and is not acceptable on MPB.

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  16. Were there comments that you blocked? Because when I look, the only comment that is anything other than rainbows and butterflies is mine– and while I know my comments have challenged conventional thought about adoption, I don’t think I have been rude or disrespectful in my dissent. And it’s not even really dissent, I don’t think– because I am a content member of the adoption triad!– but just offering another perspective on some of the more challenging pieces of adoption.

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    • Yes, I have blocked comments in the last few weeks, and have only allowed comments through that are respectful. Which clearly means that I do not believe that your comments are rude, disrespectful or mean. Rather, I feel that your comments, and our conversations are based in a respectful dialog – I trust/hope you feel the same.

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      • I do feel the same! I’m relieved that I’m not among the offenders, because although I can be critical of some aspects of adoption, I am a pretty content member of the triad. 🙂 I just firmly believe that open adoption is the ONLY way to do adoption if you have the best interests of the adopted child at heart. I hope I am conveying that respectfully, because it is never my intent to be rude or hurtful!

        Liked by 1 person

  17. Loves this sugars!! I have had to blacklist a few emails/ip addresses for all the negativity they put in their comments for my beliefs or path to not use IVF. Sigh.

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  18. I care so much about my fellow bloggers and feel so protective of you all that it breaks my heart to think of anyone being mean or disrespectful! This struggle is hard enough, we don’t need more negativity. Good for you for staying so strong and holding your ground. Bullies are not welcome here!

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    • I feel the exact same way about my fellow bloggers too! It’s funny how close we all become! 🙂
      Thank you so much for your support and love through all of our shared struggles!

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  19. Its terrible when people use this as a forum to belittle someone or make them feel terrible abot themselves. I’m sorry you had to experience something that would even make you have to write this sort of post. But good on you for making it clear to people to not be jerks!

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    • Thank so much for your positivity and encouragement! It is a sad reflection on the state of some people, and I really struggled with deciding to post this. At the end of the day, I decided that sharing these simple rules was important to me to reinforce my stance that MPB is about positivity and not hatred. 🙂

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  22. In the spirit of staying positive I just want to say that people hating on your blog must mean you have a good blog!!! You can’t please everyone, and It’s great that you’re not afraid to tackle issues and talk about your opinions. Don’t shy away just because minority of people don’t agree with whatever it is you have to say. Your blog is interesting, insightful, and helps a great many women (just check out all your likes, comments and followers!), and I’m glad you’re not letting a few bad apples get you down.

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  24. I’m sorry that saying these rules out loud is necessary. Receiving angry and hateful comments is so hurtful. While I haven’t received them on my blog, I certainly have felt that sting through other mediums. You are so within your right to censor nasty comments. While there maybe freedom of speech, this is your space and you don’t need to give a voice to the nasty dissenters.

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    • I am sorry you too have experienced hurtful and hateful comments. It is amazing that people choose to send hatred rather then love when they observe people working through difficult times in the best way possible. I guess, maybe for some it’s easier to be judgmental and harder to find the right words to show encouragement and support?
      Thank you for sharing your experiences and encouraging me through mine! 🙂

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  26. I’m so sorry you’ve had to deal with horrible negative comments. I’ve been thinking about your last blog post since I read it yesterday and in such disbelief at the judging you had received about your journey for a family… Do fertiles get this shit? No, they get ‘oh you’re starting a family, congratulations’. Sending masses and masses of positivity x

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